This is the biographies page, where you'll find out everything you didn't want to know about those goons you thought were your friends.
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James Clement |
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Karina Hebert |
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Lance Lawrence |
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Rodney Galley |
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Chuck Pownall |
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Pierre Parent |
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Karl Kreutzer |  |
Jason Santerre |
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Jana Briand |  |
Rachel Clement |
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Kevin Wallace |  |
Mark Pepe |
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Marc Frenette |
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Tammy Rosettani |
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Bean Flatulenucci |  |
Frank Renzelli |
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Bill Foley |
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Melanie Doutre |
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Phillip Elsmore |  |
Andrea McKenzie |
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Ken Ferguson |  |
Scoob |
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Kevin Schrotter |  |
Roddy "Junior" Meloche |
When
not occupied responding to inordinate amounts of pointless emails
from his friends, James can be found enjoying his hobbies of
Riverdancing, Barry-bashing, and axe murdering...err...
basket weaving.
Important note: Never, ever, say the word "halibut" in his presence.
Lance
Lawrence
Actually quite effective too.
He enjoys music , "a remy martin with a water back, goddamn it". OLD School ..Lavern and Shirley..
Motto: "to be free one must give up a little part of one's self"
Chuck
Pownall
Place of birth: Born in the heart of the Chateauguay Ghetto.
Occupation: Gangsta, Herb Smoker, DJ/Rapper
Pastimes: Bustin’ Caps in asses, Smokin the Herb, Bonin an Lickin the Splits
Education:
Billings High School, Dawson College
I never went very far in our shitty CEGEP system. I hated every
minute that I spent in a classroom. In fact, added all together,
that time was probably the most borin’ 3 hours of my life!!!
Although I still try to get to the High School Reunions every
second Friday at the Alibi.
Qualifications: Good Hygene, Master Weed roller and smoker, Eligible for 5 free movies at BlockBuster...
Karl
Kreutzer
Sightings of BigHead are common among bar goer's, and occur mostly at BarFly & Else's.
DO
NOT FEED THE BIGHEAD...
He does not need food. Sustaining himself primarily on beer, weed,
insomnia, smokes & caffeine, is what keeps this wooly native
live and kickin'.
His hobbies include beer, weed, insomnia, smokes & caffeine.
Karina
Hebert
Alias: Cousin Yeti
Size: Bigger than a sapling and smaller than a maple tree
Age: A yeti lady never reveals her age
Fur colour: Varies with the changing of the seasons
Cousin-yeti is always on the lookout for other female yetis but fears that she might be the only one left and has no children to pass down the Yeti traditions such as: basket weaving, foraging for berries and the art of grooming and forest hygiene (what to do when poo sticks to the fur).
Passions/Hobbies: The art of make-up, animals, music and travel
Occupation: Fantasy make-up, Cosmetic make-up and Theater make-up
Mostly
mild-mannered, Cousin-yeti poses no threat to human kind but does
have a certain amount of pent up rage that she keeps repressed in
her pancreas (that`s where all "Santerre Yetis" keep it).
She is strong willed and is not afraid to speak her mind but remains
sensitive and compassionate.
Rodney
Galley
~John F Adams
Age:
22
Hair color: Like butta
Face: Gorgeous
Rodney
James Galley [a.k.a. The Roller, Rod "The Rod"] born "Da
Rolla" in Montreal, Quebec was an instant legend among friends
and family.
His many feats to date have included:
1)
[From birth] A magnetic-like appeal to the opposite sex.
2) [1990] Rock and Roll mega-star with band "PowerSquat".
3) [1998] The creation of Queen Elsie.
4) [2000] Nobel prize for his autobiography "How to be as great
as me".
He has taken on super admin status at his current company of employment by single-handedly organizing and administering the network.
Pierre
Parent
Eyes:
Blue
Hair: Barely
Size: Oh, BEHAVE!!!
Hailing from the Pointe St-Charles "No walk" zone, Pierre was raised on promoting antagonistic rhetoric between English and French. Eventually, that got him several swift beatings. He soon learned to shut his mouth and "flow".
Amongst many notorious local accomplishments were the much-celebrated Charlevoix street tire fires of 1987, unionizing loose cigarette street vendors in '91 and getting high school kids into methamphetamine, at a profit.
One day, waking up in someone's basement, Pierre came to realize his deep rooted kinship with Chateauguay natives. "You're a drunk? Damn, me too! You like to get nice and toasted? It's like we grew up together". He never looked back.
Favorite quote: "C'mon, jump! I swear, I'll catch you."
Aliases: Madman, Sex Boy, Walter, Underachiever, Sloppy Seconds.
Highlight moments: "I'm leaving you.for another woman", helping Barry with that pesky orthodontic problem, seeing Italy on 100$.
Long term goals: Learning to pilot a plane, converting to Islam.
Jason Santerre
Aliases: Yeti to some of his friends, Stinky Yeti to one.
Birthplace: Somewhere in the Himalayas.
Age: 1,347 years old (29 human years).
Hobbies: Photography, spear-fishing, foraging for small mammals, nuts and berries.
Likes:
Les Habs, beer, small gatherings, 70s rock 'n' roll, all 39 words for
snow.
Dislikes:
Non-believers, heat, shit sticking to his fur, rodeo.
Notes: Although long-considered normal to the average human observer, Jason's DNA confirms what family and friends have known for decades: he's a Yeti. At least half Yeti, on his father's side.
By day he lives and works among the metropolitan populace, by night he roams the sidestreets, watering holes and dank places in a search for his own kind, cheap pitchers of ale and maybe some salty snacks.
The
Yeti is approachable and willing to share his space, just keep comments
regarding his stench and the dull sheen of his fur coat to a minimum.
Currently,
your friendly neighbourhood Yeti is hard at work on a poetry
collection, a wine cellar and mastering the tango. His dream is to open
a delicatessen specializing in kosher Yeti treats. The working name
for the deli is HUNGRY LIKE THE YETI. He was recently quoted as saying
that beer would be free for all his friends. Maybe a pickle for those
originating from Chateauguay.
To read some of Yeti's poetry, click here.
To read a short story by the Yeti, click here.
Origin of her name: Ireland & Czechoslovakia
Traditional meaning: "God is gracious"
Jana is seen in the eyes of some as a woman possessing superhero-like qualities. Why, you ask? She has been known for saving the world with her peace-inducing personality. Often she is so mellow that some wonder if she is actually just always sleeping with her eyes open. She also possesses the patience and understanding that could earn her sainthood in the near future. Imagine that... a superhero and a saint.
Unfortunately Jana has weaknesses. Because of her love for humanity and her peacful nature she can sometimes be naive to the villians of the world. She has also been known to succumb to the power of music on several occasions.
Currently
she is focusing her mind power to end the war in the middle east and
to be the first woman to harvest money from trees.
Warning to those who have not sent me your bios:
I will put a picture of my choice (a very unflattering one) and perhaps a bio of my own (also very unflattering) if you do not send me a picture and a brief bio.
Damnit, see what you've done!? Now I'm resorting to blackmail.
Warning to those who have not sent me your bios:
I will put a picture of my choice (a very unflattering one) and perhaps a bio of my own (also very unflattering) if you do not send me a picture and a brief bio.
Damnit, see what you've done!? Now I'm resorting to blackmail.
Warning to those who have not sent me your bios:
I will put a picture of my choice (a very unflattering one) and perhaps a bio of my own (also very unflattering) if you do not send me a picture and a brief bio.
Damnit, see what you've done!? Now I'm resorting to blackmail.
Webmaster's note: Mark's words concerning this photo: "You have no idea how offensive that is to me." Let that be a lesson to you non-bio pic-giving mf'ers!"Voulez-vous
du beurre?"
Age: 28
Aliases: Skizzer Lemmy and `You froggy french f*#k`
Hobbies: Drafting of bill 101, baby making and getting in to impossibly
ridiculous situations.
Born and raised in the back fields of Chateauguay, Marc Frenette,
frenchman and politician extraordinaire is the foremost expert
in the French aspects of "CHÔMAGE" culture and
folklore.
Most of his academic carreer centered around French schools around Chateauguay. This wily young beau found his way into the crowds and hangouts of the Anglophone punk scene.
Friend of the Fro, enemy of Capitalist pigs everywhere and mentor to young chomages in training, Marc continues his work in pressuring the government to recognize and approve the creation of a Professional Chomage degree. One such proposal is to implement a stage of 10 years at one's home where the student could just do whatever feels good.
Upon completion of this, a rigorous 5 years of teaching the skills of the Chomage Arts would be required by going to another stage students home and showing him the ropes.
Warning to those who have not sent me your bios:
I will put a picture of my choice (a very unflattering one) and perhaps a bio of my own (also very unflattering) if you do not send me a picture and a brief bio.
Damnit, see what you've done!? Now I'm resorting to blackmail.
Warning to those who have not sent me your bios:
I will put a picture of my choice (a very unflattering one) and perhaps a bio of my own (also very unflattering) if you do not send me a picture and a brief bio.
Damnit, see what you've done!? Now I'm resorting to blackmail.
Webmaster's note: I can't believe Bean let me get away with this one. Maybe this pic isn't offensive enough... naww, not possible.Favorite quote “Hey these shoes are no more good, they have no more gription”
From the WOP streets of St-Leonard, capital of the Z-28 comes a mistakenly innocent man named Frank Renzelli (aka Frankie Bones).
Made his debut in St-Micheal and was called upon to join the likelihood of Riviere Des Praires (RDP). Once he conquered the mean streets of RDP he then moved to St-Leonard where he was an instant hit amongst his peers.
He is best known for his mom’s lunches that are neatly packed for him every day and his impeccable looks. He is also the last known Expos fan on earth.
His favorite color slush is green (lime for all you anglos) and he still lives at his mudder’s house.
Will
be making his debut at the Alibi soon and will conquer
Chateauguay!!!!!
Kreddible Trout plans to be the world's first completely anonymous superstar. His hyper-human and fully trademarked ability to be 'blatantly inconspicuous' (almost invisible but not quite) affords him the freedom to wander the earth taking notes.
Kreddible Trout lives on a purely macrobiotic diet and is allergic to felt and sarcasm. Ah-choo.
Unless you want someone to be arrested it is best not to ask to see his 'gills'.
To read some of Kreddible Trout's poetry, click here
Visit
his website at
http://www.geocities.com/kreddibletrout/
Melanie
Doutre
"Have faith in your dreams and someday Your rainbow will come smiling thru No matter how your heart is grieving If you keep on believing The dream that you wish will come true."
These are words I live by to help me through the day. I suppose it must be nice to have someone to do your nails, fix your hair, and bring you tea. I can’t imagine what a wonderful life it must be. My dresses are the rags they have no use for, except by me to scrub the floors.
Got no time to dilly-dally, all I hear is "cinderelly, cinderelly". The evil step sisters are calling my name. My fairy godmother was kind enough to grant me a pumpkin, which took me to my prince. I was in hurry, the clock struck twelve, as I stumbled down the stairs I seemed to have misplaced my glass slipper (must have been the wine). Should anyone find a size 8 glass slipper, you know where to find me.
A.K.A.:
Pip, Pippy, Pipster, PipeDream, The Dream,
TinMan
Place of Birth: Romford,Essex England
Birthdate: 1976, April 26
Horoscope: Year of the Dragon
Occupation:
Train Conductor
Origin:
During a regular routine work-day, a tragic
accident occurred, leaving "The Dream"
motionless for weeks in a morphine-induced
state. Once awakened from substantial
surgeries and mind-altering drugs he spent
months and months training to adapt to
his new body. Realizing his crushed bones
had been replaced with titanum, and nerves
shredded to a point where no torture was
painful, he set forth on a new path...
to rid himself of those who brought change
to his life.
Powers:
Grip
strength of a thousand men
Unbreakable bone structure
Feels no pain, therefore just gain
Weapon of choice:
"The
ForeArm Smash"
-flawless victory-
Weaknesses:
Metal detectors
Flashbacks of nurses' amazing sponge baths...
which leave him dazed, therefore an easy
target.
Hobbies:
Training for next villain encounter
"God save the Queen"
As a decendant of Pocahontas, Andrea likes to spend her spare time talking and singing to wildlife and plantlife around the area of the mighty St. Lawrence Seaway.
She is married to Chris (a muscle bound hitman) so she gets to travel alot, see many new places and meet interesting new people (but for some reason they always end up dead).
Seeing that Chris is half giant (his grandfather was Jolly Green) you can just imagine what their kids look like!
Surviving only on Kraft Dinner and Pepsi, you can see why she gets along so great with Rachel.
She
is currently seeking financial
assistance in order to open
and operate a green house
for her wildlife friends who
everyday are losing more and
more of their living space.
Look for her new book on paperback
titled "1001 uses for
trees" coming out this
fall.
LOL... this is insanely
stupid!!! Jamie, if you could
come up with something better...
be my guest. ~Andrea
Born Ken Ferguson, Harry Ring briefly held the spotlight as the tambourine player in Rush. After exiting the band and an intense battle with depression, Harry discovered, in the showers at the YMCA, that he had been blessed with extraodinarily large sexual equipment. He adopted his current stage name and a 70's brown polyester/leather flair and attracted attention in the world of pornography like only Ron Jeremy had before him.
But Harry is an introspective soul and soon realized that something was missing in life... he did not possess the skills to properly photograph and document his extracurricular sexual activities. To upgrade his collection of Polaroids and cocktail-napkin scribbles, Harry attended a Journalism/Photojournalism school in B.C. There, he discovered hippies, conservationism, and the Yeti.
Now, Harry's life is on a new path. He hasn't given up sex, but he's given up accepting exorbitant amounts of money for providing those pleasures. His main focus now is a true understanding of the Yeti life and culture which has lead to the discovery of several rare strains: dark Yetis with unique tastes, Yetis with the ability to traverse any earth surface, Yetis with female reproductive organs and, most recently, the most over-dressed of all, the Euro Yeti.
While
happy with his
current existence,
Harry admits he
is yet unfilled.
Like all followers
of endangered
species, it is
Harry's goal to
witness the rearing
of a Yeti from
its undoubtedly
horrific birth...
Scoob
Warning to those who have not sent me your bios:
I will put a picture of my choice (a very unflattering one) and perhaps a bio of my own (also very unflattering) if you do not send me a picture and a brief bio.
Damnit, see what you've done!? Now I'm resorting to blackmail.
Kevin
Schrotter
Quote: Fucking your girlfriend was like throwing a hot dog down the hallway.
A.K.A- The bartender at Freeman's that never left, Schro, Human Missile
Occupation: Accounts Coordinator for CP Ships ( by day ) Drinking Guru ( by night)
Hobbies: Assisting Labatt's in sales
For those who don't know me , my heart and liver are bigger than I look.
Born and raised in the Guy. I started my drinking training with Chuck in the good old pines of Billings field. From there, have had the honor to drink at the rocks (Thanks to Bill and Kent) and many, many famous Chateauguay Drinking spots.
After intense training I was ready for my first mission. I headed off to Toronto for a bit where people over there realized that I had some bizarre upbringing, and that my expertise in the Ale field was far to superior for theirs. They finally realized that Montrealers really do kick the shit out of them when it comes to partying.
Once I proved to them that Montreal is the superior city...my mission was complete and I have returned to home base for now....waiting upon my next drinking mission..................
Ultimate
Mission:
To
one
day
be
fully
trained
enough
to
challenge
Ireland