Introduce Yourself Asshole
Hi
I am all the stupid things I've ever done
I am the asshole who isn't there
Who's on vacation in sunny Barbados
Never around unless there's something to fuck up
The asshole who'll fly back in
However
At a moments fucking notice
To screw me up but good
The asshole who fucks me in mine
When it comes to happiness
Or love
I am the reminder that I'm human
And that sure as hell
Humans make mistakes
Big fucking mistakes
I am the mistake maker
Who'll punch when a kiss is needed
And hate myself for doing it
Not a minute after the event
I am the destroyer of future
I am my own personal A-Bomb
Sending dreams into mushroom cloud oblivion
Wiping the belch-spittle
Off my chinny-chin-chin
While drinking from my bottle of
Triple 'X' ignorance
And doing that wobbly dance
The Selfish Shuffle
Through the garden and into the China shop
While all the while
Wearing the biggest
Dumbest boots I can find
And I am the one
Who wakes up in the morning
Climbs out of the debris
And finds a note in my own hand
"'Til next time, Sucker!
Love always, Asshole."
Oh Damsel of Mine
When
I delivered you from that mess
The life you were tangled in
You needed to get out of
You were so grateful
So willing
Open armed and beaming
I didn't want to be a hero and didn't think that I was
I thought I was just being human
But you acted like I was wearing the shiniest armor in the land
And I started to believe it myself over time
Over time the complications
All the sordid details of your past
And your selfish images of our future
Began to tarnish that armor
Began to dent it
Hell, I didn't want you in my life to begin with
I didn't not want you either
I was not asking for anything
And if I had have turned left that day instead of right
Or had enough money for the bus
You'd be dead and I'd still be alive
But now we sit
Next to each other and so far apart
Your praises stopped shortly after they lost their affect on me
Or shortly before
It's hard to tell when apathy begins
For me
I guess it began
The moment I forgot what you were wearing that day
Irony is hell because
Our dream did come true
We remain together
That was the plan, right?
In our loose fitting age
But there weren't supposed to be these bugs
Or these unpleasant smells
Or your wrinkles
Or that damn picture on the wall you insisted upon
Yeah, how's your savior now?
Look at me you…
Look at what's become of your Jesus
Your hero
Oh damsel of mine
If I had a son
And I thank God everyday that I don't
The only advice I'd give him
Before he ran away from home
Is to turn left instead of right
Always
False Concession
You think
you've got a handle on me
You've beaten me
I'm down
You think you've won
I'm gone
No
You're mistaken, my cocky friend
Puff out that chest, though,
Strut and preach
With those victorious postures of yours
I've got time
I'll wait
I'm good at it
I know how to keep myself occupied
Bubbling with rolling eyed giggles
I remain confident
For I've been around much longer than you
I've played this game many times before
And I'll be around long after you're gone
I'm in your blood, you see
In your culture
I soak and weigh heavy in your language
I'm ingrained and you're fleeting easy putty
One day I'll suggest myself again
Just a drop
Somewhere in your subconscious
Where you won't recognize me
I'll be in a whiff
Or maybe in an old photograph
Ever so slight
So as not to send you running
I'll re-aquatint myself with those nerve endings I miss so much
And plant that seed again
Water it with your fears and insecurities
And watch as it blossoms
With bastard ugly buds
And blisters itself back into your life
As if I was ever gone to begin with
So, yes, take pride in your feeble, futile little victory
I'll concede,
The battle is yours
But the war I never lose.
There's a Guy That Lives Up in my Tree
There's
a guy that lives up in my tree
He came along one day
Climbed up
And stayed there
He comes down occasionally
For food and things
Doesn't say a word to no one
No "Hello"
No "Good day"
Nothing
Not even a nod of acknowledgement
He carries on as if nothing was wrong
As if living up in someone's tree is a normal activity
I don't think it is
He's got a plank built from one limb to another
I don't know where he got it
But it's up there
I see odds and ends up there
A pillow
A blanket
He reads up there
I see him with books from time to time
Which means he's got a battery powered light up there too
He doesn't really bother me
But I wash he'd go away
It's unsettling having someone live up in your tree
What's even more unsettling is my inability to ask him to come down
To tell him to leave
It's not that I'm afraid of him
He seems quite harmless
I'm not afraid to ask him
I just find it hard to breach the subject
It's difficult to tell a man to get out of your tree
Try it sometime and you'll see what I mean