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Video Playmate Calendar 1999

Subject: Playmate Vid Cal'99 Review
From: Nigel <jeeves@mistral.co.uk>
Digest: volume98/530
Date: Sun, 08 Nov 1998 22:30:38 +0000

Sorry to beat you to the gun, Bill, but here's my stab at your job... :)

Intro... Usual listing of Playmates in reverse order ...

First Segment is Heather Kozar

Heather starts off dancing down a street in 2 different sets of pink and white outfits. We then spy her with a big bunch of pink balloons dancing down the same street, Heather plays with us, first showing she still has clothing, then sans clothing..

We then get the usual tracking shot as her hands raise up from thighs to above her heads, with sweet smile all inclusive..

Heather then goes into usual second 'pensive' segment mode, talking about her dreams. Seems she's had a mixture of bad dream and not so bad dreams as we get interspersed shots of tearful Heather and raunchy Heather. Final view is of Heather approaching an open fridge in her birthday suit seeminly feeling better about life...

Kalin Olson.

Opening shot gave me Deja Vu. Light frilly dresses twirled so to rise up showing no panties, talk about Southern Belles etc. Almost identical shots/poses to the first sweeps of RJM's segment from '97..

After a few shots of a reclining, fondling Kalin, she waves goodbye. She definitely has a piercing set of blue eyes!

Kalin then reads a letter from a loved one? Kalin drifts off remembering the good times, Reenactments of the ridge scene in 9.5 weeks, romantic drives in his sports car, dancing in lingerie or less for her beau, having cosy cuddles.. Finally, she returns to reality and picks up the phone... In some shots Kalin does look cold and emotionless, maybe it's the formulaic acting she's asked to perform...

Holly Joan Hart

Holly tells us of her College work and life in San Francisco. Shots of her in College uniform or less. One shot has a tracking shot of Holly in birthday suit, finishing with her eating a juicy red apple. Biblical references anyone? Holly does look innocent, tempting, and naughty that's for sure!

X-Files alert! Second segment seems as if it's shot by someone who's seen one too many XFiles shows... Holly drifts into daydreams, consisting of her lying on a hospital bed lit up like a Christmas tree, Holly herself walking round lit up like a tree, and Holly dancing in a doorway focused so she looks like an Alien. Segment ends with Holly seemingly not sure who or where she is, having to feel her surroundings and body to reassure herself...

Julia Schultz

At the risk of alienating certain Scottish PMLers... here goes..

Julia is standing in a park wearing different sports kits, and Cheerleader gigham (sp?) dress. One kit was a baseball kit. Maybe she should sign up with them for next year... Eventually after a round of serious pouty poses, Julia cracks and beam a big smile.. Life can continue...

Julia Schultz in Demi Moore double Shocker! Julia is in a highly stylised Pop video kind of segment. Julia is seen in a variety of outfits smouldering away under harsh, bright lights. Sort of Striptease without the pole, if you like. Interspersed with a few shots of Julia wide eyed looking at the camera from an unflattering angle..

Maria Luisa Gil.

Maria asks us to excuse her little English, how shes happy to be in Playboy. Maria is seen dancing and drinking cocktails from a coconut.

Maria is seen relaxing on yet another humid, sunny day in her backyard, after a busy day picking grapes from her grape bush. She sips red wine as she waits for the temperature to drop. A long time coming, me thinks...

Miss June is Marliece Andrada..

Marliece tells us her heritage, and says there's another 7 kids like her at home! Marliece is shown consuming an assortment of exotic fruit in her backyard, dancing and smiling as she eats melon and mango..

Scene shifts to indoors as Marliece tells us she finds maturity sexy, regardless of age.. gladdening the hearts of Professors and former professors USA wide, no doubt ;) Marliece is watching a slide show sent, no doubt, by her loved one from some safari in Africa or other foreign clime. Nice political correctness point here.. The guy is on safari, shown caring for animals, yet Marliece wears faux leopard skin gloves, and animal skins seem to decorate her boudoir... As the slides run out, Who's this? her burly Big Game Hunter guy? home to ravish his new trophy and tell all his tales?

Daphnee Duplaix

Daphnee reckons she's a tomboy, and loves to work out, play sports, or just have fun. We see her reclining in her apartment in a variety of outfits and poses, tracking shots naturally taking up most of this segment..

Daphnee now gets romantic to an Anita Baker-esque backing track Lit candles, silk sheets, blue lit windows etc.. one tracking shot from toe to head following a candle, made a pleasant change from the usual 'follow my hands' we normally get..

Donna D'Errico

Donna gives thanks to the trip to the grocery store that got her 'discovered' by reclining against gas pumps in a seemingly deserted gas station.

In a very atmospheric second segment, we first see Donna standing somewhere like the Black Rock mudflats as we get tracking shots, passing shots, close-ups the whole 9 yds. Then Donna is reclining in a section of piping, protected from a blazing sun by an increasingly thick layer of water dripping from an unseen spot..

Layla Roberts is Miss September.

Layla is seen in her blonde period messing about at home in sports kit, and other outfits.

Is Layla testing out for Brigitte Nielsen's part in a remake of Red Sonja? Or has Rockhound been a naughty boy....? (Armageddon Reference, sorry!) Layla, still in blonde period, is now seen in another moodily lit (candles, dim lighting...) To an Enigma-esque track, Layla praises women with courage and survival skills. Layla douses herself in oils, then stares at a burning broadsword... No it's Conan she's trying to play.. While She's enjoying herself on sheepskin rug, a Python approaches. She protects herself by lighting a circle of oil so she can sit back and be safe... Thank goodness...

Deanna Brooks

Deanna opens by comparing Playmatehood with Bank Manager-hood. Deanna poses in front of the camera in a variety of coats and tops, as if the camera was a mirror.. I like this look of Deanna's to some in her layout. In a few shots boredom seems to be creeping in. However, Deanna gives up choosing her dress and seems to retire for the night...

Deanna the dressmaker? Deanna is seen making a purple silk dress... During updates on her progress we see her cutting away at her underwear, reclining on a couch covered in purple silk. We finish with Deanna standing in the midst of a lo-cut dress with a train that circles the room.

Inga Drozdova.

Will I forgive such an awful calendar shot? Doubt it.. Anyway, Inga presents her International credentials whilst enjoying a midsummer's day in an abundant garden. Inga now reminisces time with her lover, talking about Poetry, making love, enjoying herself. Yet more obligatory 'lie on a bed move your body as if in mid passion' footage..

Miss December, Karen McDougal.

Gene Kelly eat your heart out... Karen's Singing in the Rain..! Karen introduces herself, her upbringing, and proceeds to beam her way through dancing with a dog in the middle of a road, dancing with an umbrella in a rain shower, not forgetting getting close with a white baby bunny.. talk about product placement! It definitely displays her sense of humour and a magic smile!

A Voyeurs delight? In a scene part X-File, part peep show, Karen performs a strip to a Portishead-esque track. At times we spy on this through a keyhole, sometimes we are in the room with her. Around her are wispy white curtains behind which are unseen persons. Eventually hands encroach around her, and she's momentarily covered... Once the hands have had their share of her, they retract, and Karen is left alone in her cell, waiting for her next voyeurs...

Overall not a bad video, not the best, not the worst. A few Playmates came through as looking better in this video than their layouts did, to me at least. Might be nice if once in a while we didn't have 'Playmate X as happy go lucky life of the Party' followed by 'PlaymateX as deep meaningful person with a liking for candles'.

Subject: Flogging Dead Wood I...
From: William A. Arvola <arvola@gte.net>
Digest: volume98/531
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1998 03:08:28 -0600

Since I can't seem to get in a timely review, I guess I'm reduced to reviewing the reviews. [ Young upstarts putting me out to pasture...]

In his review of the 99VidCal, Nigel <jeeves@mistral.co.uk> writes
Sorry to beat you to the gun, Bill, but here's my stab at your job... :)

Liked the "gun" play. And "stab" may just be the right verb though "job" certainly isn't the right noun. :-)

If I had to make one criticism of Nigel's review, it's seems too egalitarian, I can't figure out which segments and Playmates he likes. So, I'll tell you which segment I found memorable.

When I review such a video, I watch it straight thru, then ask myself, "Which segment or Playmate do I [most] want to see again?" For the 96VidCal, it was Elisa Bridges; my [retroactive] choice for Video Playmate of the Year 1997 [note the counting.] For 97, astute readers will recall that Rachel Jean Marteen took the VPMOY-98 title, followed by Angel Boris as VPMOY-99.

As the 99VidCal was coming to a close, I posed my question. Rapidly fading from memory were the exquisite facial geometries of Karen McDougal and Kalin Olson, gone was the sultry but cute clumsiness of Layla Roberts [this girl has obviously never handled model airplane or toy sword before; a tomboy she is not. Glad that blade wasn't sharp,] and blurring were Maria Luisa Gil's lush fruits. Crystal clear was a befreckled, skirt-flirting, baseball catching, youthful, exuberant, Southern girl ["Southern California, that is"] as a small but unequivocal voice in my head responded "Julia Schultz, Miss April, timepoint 17" to my query.

Sure, it's true that Julia's youth and freckles make her look just plain silly trying to look sultry [especially in the second segment.] However, recall that it's "Entertainment for Men" not just "Sex for Men." Julia's first segment is the most entertaining, I'd rather spend time with this girl than any other in the video, she's adorable!! On the strength of this evaluation, Julia Schultz is my choice for VPMOY-00.

BA

P.S. Nigel also forgot to mention the change in format for the 99VidCal cover. No longer is the reigning PMOY's framed with the text set below the frame but rather the text overlays Karen's bosom without framing, not unlike a typical magazine cover.

P.P.S. Speaking of covers, it appears another youngster is doing my job in touting Jennifer Allan's Oct 96 cover. Matthew and I may be the only people on the planet who prefer this cover over its alternate Samantha Fox version, perhaps even over all other covers... :-)

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