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CHAIN LETTER MOCKERY THE FIVE BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS: Chain Letter Type 1: Make a wish!!! =A0 Really, go on and make one!!! Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! =A0 Wish something else!!! =A0 Not that, you pervert!! =A0 Is your finger getting tired yet? =A0 STOP, DAMMIT!!!! Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, you now, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes: -Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. -Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. -Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. -Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. -Send this to 20-674,951 & a 1/2 people: 20-674,951 & a 1/2 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!! Chain Letter Type 2: Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no willie. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Willieless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!! Chain Letter Type 3: Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many bitchy little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like: Queer Horror Story #1: Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the side walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!! Queer Horror Story #2: Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!! Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok. Chain Letter Type 4: As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends. ~Friends~ -A friend is someone who is always at your side -A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like shit -A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly -A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself -A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life -A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs -A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry that's the cleaning lady -A friend is not someone who sends you shitty chain letters because he wants his wish of his crush sucking his schlong to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will screw you in your sleep!! Chain Letter Type 5: You are now added to THE LIST...of hacker XXscrewmeXX. If you do not send this on to 1397 people in one second, your screen name will be taken away and your entire system will be screwed up!!!!!! Isn't that funny?!?!?! AND then guess what!?! AOL is taking away IM's!!!! Doesn't this suck for you! I would just tell you that you are so gullable to believe any of that crap because if AOL DID take away IM's that would mean no more customers for them. AWWWW!!!!! Oh and did I forget that there was this mega hacker raid that occured on June 1??!!!! DID ANY OF YOU SEE IT HAPPEN??? OH I get it, that must've meant that we sent that stupid email to enough people so they didn't get mad. Ohmygosh, I forgot something else!! AOL took away unlimited access a month ago...but I still get charged my same flat rate. Strange huh?? That means if we forward that stupid email again and again that it just changes their minds huh?? Well, that's it...but don't forget to forward this to 1397 people in the next second or you'll drown in your own drool while you are sleeping!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!! There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the five main types of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, you must tell people about it!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but otherwise forward the URL of this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this around? Take two minutes and forward the URL to your friends. Thanks! Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it. If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of shit) just delete it. Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say, "#$@% CHAIN LETTERS!!" Do You Have Any Jokes I Can Use? 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