The following are actual answers provided by 6th graders during a history test.  (... . Some of the best humor is in the misspelling.  Even funnier read aloud to someone else!)
 
1.   Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.  They lived in the Sarah Dessert.
The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
 
2.   Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients.  Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.  He died before he
ever reached Canada.
 
3.   Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
 
4.   The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history.  The Greeks also
had myths.  A myth is a female moth.
 
5.   Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.  They killed him.  Socrates
died from an overdose of wedlock.  After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
 
6.   In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
 
7.   Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.  The Ides of March murdered him because
they thought he was going to be made king.  Dying, he gasped out:  "Tee hee, Brutus."
 
8.   Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
 
9.   Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen."  As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before
her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
 
10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.  Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of blood.  Sir Walter!  Raleigh is a historical figure because he
invented cigarettes and started smoking.  Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
 
11. Shakespeare was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday.  He never made much money and is
famous only because of his plays.  He wrote tragedies, comedies and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
 
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.  He wrote Donkey Hote.  The next great
author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost.  Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
 
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence.  Franklin discovered electricity by
rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790
and is still dead.
 
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent.  Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born
in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.  Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
Proclamation.  On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the
actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane
actor.  This ruined Booth's career.
 
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children.  In between he
practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic.  Bach died from 1750 to the present.  Bach was the
most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English.
He was very large.
 
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.  He was so deaf he wrote loud music.  He took long walks
in the forest even when everyone was calling for him.  Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
 
17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions.  People stopped reproducing by
hand and started reproducing by machine.  The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring
up.  Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of ! ! a hundred men.  Louis Pasteur
discovered a cure for rabbits.  Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.  Madman
Curie discovered the radio.  And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.