COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT...

ABBOTT:      Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about
                       buying a computer.

ABBOTT:      Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT:     Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT:     Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT:     What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT:      Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT:      Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT:      Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,
                      track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT:     Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT:      I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT:      Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT:      Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT:      Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT:      Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT:      I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows!
                     OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and
                      I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT:      Word.
COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT:      Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT:      The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT:      The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers.
                      OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT:      Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of
                      your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT:      Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4.
                     Can I watch them?

ABBOTT:      Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT:      Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT:      You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT:      The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT:      The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT:      The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT:      No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT:      Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left.
                       It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT:      Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping?
                      You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT:      Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT:      Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT:      It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT:      Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT:      Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT:      One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT:      Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT:      Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later...)

ABBOTT:      Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT:      Click on "START".
 

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