It's been a while. A lot to catch up on.

Last week, I went to Fraser Island for three days. Had a great time. We
camped, drank, hiked, and drank. We packed our 4x4 with eight people, camping
gear, and food, and cruised the enormous flat beaches up and down the east
coast of the sandy island. We drove inland through the forest and stopped
at freshwater lakes to frolic. We saw enormous sand dunes, wild dingos,
ants half an inch long, spiders the size of golf balls, huge green and brown
flies that bite, and a beautiful sunrise. Sand got all over everything. My
camera took a beating, but I have pictures of it all.

I managed to survive my three days on the island without getting bitten by
an insect or a dingo, but I did so much walking that my new sandals have
given me sores all over my feet. Couple that with what seems to be a mild
case of hostel-induced athlete's foot and you have a pair of disgusting
backpacker feet. Mine actually look better than most of the other people
I'm travelling with.

I came back from Fraser Island with a hangover, a head cold, a hairy face,
and a pint of sand up my ass. I had the most refreshing shower of my life
and then plopped into bed at 7pm.

The next evening I ran into Alies, a Dutch girl I had met on Fraser Island.
It was interesting to talk to someone from my homeland (I'm 1/4 Dutch) and
find someone who could help decipher my last name. She even taught me a
little Dutch. I now know how to say "horny" and "vagina" with a perfect
Dutch accent.

I also met a girl named Emily. She's an Australian travelling with Oz
Experience (very unusual), and we got along so well that she offered me a
place to stay when I get to Melbourne. How sweet.

The next morning, just before leaving Hervey Bay, I took a dip in the pool
and met a guy who graduated from USC in May '99, one year after me. His name
is Ali, and it turns out one of his best friends is Brandon Bernstein, my
freshman year roommate. Crazy stuff.

On the bus, Lindsay gave the bus driver his Tragically Hip CD. That
REM-sounding, easy listening crap is driving me up the wall. Lindsay has
been playing it non-stop as long as I've been travelling with him.

A few hours later, we rolled into Dingo. I don't know why they call it
Dingo since it's really just a cattle ranch. It's kind of like Nundle, only
with cows instead of sheep: a 35,000-acre farm with a barn, some animals, a
kitchen, and a shed for backpackers. Everyone else seemed to have a decent
time, but I thought it was pretty lame out there. The food was crap, the DJ
sucked. And they made us all play stupid games. They even made us line
dance to country music. I'm from Houston, Texas. Line dancing is something
I've grown up with, something country music lovers enjoy doing, and
something you can see on TNN 24 hours a day. I've even tried it a few
times. And I don't like it. But they *made* us all line dance. How
lame.

The next day, we left for Bangara, another small town. I wasn't expecting
much, but the hostel we stayed in, called Kelly's Beach Resort, was
fantastic. The rooms are huge and air conditioned. There's a loft, a TV,
VCR, bathroom, shiny white tile floors, and all of it super clean. And the
grounds are beautiful. A pool, tennis courts, and a pond with lily pads and
romantic wooden bridges. Seems that the hostels are getting nicer and
cheaper as we go north. I unpacked my bags, sat down to watch the
Australian version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" and learned that San
Marino was the world's first republic.

That night, we played a drinking game that Graham first introduced to us in
Byron Bay. The game has been slowly evolving over the course of the trip,
but here are the basic rules:

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Lay the cards out in a circle on a table. Participants hold their drinks
and surround the table. Each person picks up a card one at a time.

Ace - drink 1 finger's width of your drink
2 - "2 fingers"
3 - "3 fingers"
4 - "distribute 4 fingers" to anybody you want
5 - "have you ever..." (make something up, anyone who has done it must
drink)
OR
"questions" (ask a question to anyone, they must continue by asking
another question to someone else, first person to answer a question
or laugh or hesitate before asking another question must drink)
6 - "truth or dare" (you may ask anybody you want)
7 - "toilet card" (you can't go without one)
8 - "blank" (until someone assigns a rule to it with an 8 or a 10)
9 - "blank" (until someone assigns a rule to it with an 9 or a 10)
10 - "rule-maker" (make a rule for 8 or 9 or make a general rule)
J - "ear card" (hold onto it, when you hold your ear, last person to hold
their ear drinks)
Q - "bitch card" (you must drink every time anyone else drinks, until
someone else picks a Queen and becomes the bitch)
K - "nose card" (hold onto it, when you hold your nose, last person to
hold their nose drinks)

The round continues until all cards are picked up, then it starts over
again. Repeat until someone vomits or passes out.
----------

The next morning, we left for Airlie Beach. We watched Crocodile Dundee on
the bus. Emily, a very loud but funny girl from England, let me have a bite
of her Vegemite sandwich. The stuff tastes like rusty diarrhea.

Airlie Beach is pretty cool. Lots of tiny shops along a main street, with a
rocky shoreline across the street and rolling green mountains all around.
Not sure why they call it Airlie Beach since there really isn't a beach to
speak of. It's more of a launching point for sailing trips to the
surrounding Whitsunday Islands. The day I got here, a local farmer dug up
a phone line with his backhoe, knocking out all the phones and credit card
machines in north Queensland. He was not a popular fellow.

Over a McDonald's #2 Value Meal, Alies taught me some more Dutch:

What's your sign, baby?
-Wat is jou horoscope, schatge?

Where are you from?
-Wahr kom je vand-aan?

Do you have a boyfriend?
-Heb je een vriend?

Would you like to get some coffee?
-Wil je nog koffie?

Can I get you drunk so I can have sex with you?
-Als ik je drouken voer kan ik dan sex met je hebben?

Drink, bitch!
-Zuipen, kreng!

Can I walk you home?
-Zal ik je naar huis brengen?

Do you have a roommate?
-Heb je een kamergenoot?

Are you on the pill?
-Slik je de pil?

What's your favorite position?
-Wat is je favoriete standje?

Shall we skip the foreplay?
-Zullen we het voorspel overslaan?

I have a present for you.
-Ik heb een cadeautje voor je.

It's not for kids.
-Het is niet voor kindren.

Thank you, baby. Was it good for you?
-Dank je, schatge. Vond je het ook fijn?

I'll call you tomorrow, baby.
-Ik zal je morgen bellen, schatge.

Right now, I'm sitting on a bench atop a very rocky beach. The water is
calm, swishing over the rocks with tiny waves. Hundreds
of sailboats are docked at the pier on one side of the beach, and green
mountains rise up from the other side. The sun is just starting
to set, casting a golden gleam through the mountains and over the sailboats.

Tomorrow morning, I embark on a three-day sailing trip through the
Whitsunday Islands. The weather has been atrocious up north, but it is
slowly clearing up. I should have beautiful weather for the rest of my trip
up the coast.

No Regrets.

Jeff