Some pathetic fucker stole shampoo and soap out of my bag in Cairns.

I spent last night at the Wool Shed saying goodbye to all of my friends and
hearing about how much fun they all had diving at the Great Barrier Reef
when all I saw was a fucking sea cucumber.

I was talking with some friends about female anatomy, and I asked Jane, one
of the girls I've been travelling with for the last six weeks and who has
enormous boobs, how much extra attention she gets because of them and she
got all offended. Funny, girls with huge boobs get self-conscious about
them just like girls with tiny boobs do.

The flight to Darwin was OK. I flew with QANTAS. They served a toasted ham
and cheese sandwich, and I watched "Australia's Funniest Home Video Show",
hosted by a chick who looks like Courteney Cox. She isn't nearly the
schmuck that Bob Saget is back home, and the clips were pretty damn funny.
Aussie's can be real idiots. After the show, they had a live graphical
display of the plane's air speed, ground speed, altitude, and distance
traveled, along with a map showing exactly where along the route the plane
was located. We topped out at 535 mph, and at 35,000 feet it's -44 degrees
F outside. The flight took just over two hours.

During the flight, I took a few pictures and noticed that turning the
polarizer on my lens produced very funky, psychedelic rainbow colors when I
looked out the window. I was able to make the water purple and the clouds
yellow. No idea why. Anyone have any guesses?

Darwin is hot. It is so humid that you have to lean into the air to walk
through it. In 1979, Cyclone Tracy swept through Darwin and destroyed
pretty much everything, but the town quickly rebuilt itself. The
architecture and color of this town are distinctly '70s.

My hostel is OK, like most of the other hostels I've stayed at. I've gone
to the bathroom twice since I've been here, and both times I found the
toilet seat drenched with piss. How hard is it to pee into a toilet?
Reminds me of the dorms back at USC.

I have noticed that I've been going to the bathroom a lot more often than
usual. I have been drinking a lot more coffee than I ever have lately,
and I had an iced coffee at the airport before boarding. Is coffee a
laxative?

This morning, I bought a new suitcase. I am absolutely fed up with carrying
that damn hockey bag around everywhere. It's heavier than anyone else's
bag, and every time I hoist it up over my shoulder and take more than two
steps I feel like my collarbone is going to snap. I got a sexy green little
number with wheels and a handle.

This afternoon, I booked a three-day tour of Kakadu National Park. It's a
4WD tour of the swampy, croc-infested rainforest, camping both nights in
tents. All we can bring is a daypack, so I won't be showering or changing
my clothes. That's how it was on Fraser Island.

I plotted out the rest of my trip around Australia on a makeshift calendar
and realized that I do not have enough time to see everything that I want to
see before I go home. So I rang up Air New Zealand and, at no extra charge,
extended my stay in Australia and New Zealand for another 2 weeks. I'm also
toying with the idea of staying in LA for a few days on the way back. At
the moment, I am scheduled to return to Houston on May 29.

I returned to my room with my new suitcase, transferred the contents of my
hockey bag to my suitcase, filled a box with some souvenirs, brochures,
rocks, and my hockey bag, and shuffled off to the post office to send it
home.

I stopped for a haircut at Donna's Barber Shop, and for $6 she graciously
shaved the sides and back with a #1. She even shaved my neckline with a
watered down, rum-based solution and a straight blade. They don't use
shaving cream here because it's too hot and muggy.

Then I went for a walk. I took a turn and ended up on a dragonfly-infested
embankment looking out over the ocean. I walked along a sidewalk and came
to a monument for those who served for Australia in WWII. I began to read
all of the plaques that were laid down next to the sidewalk along the
embankment. In memory of various squadrons, battalions, and regiments who
served, as well as the Aborigines who acted as guides, trackers, and
liaisons for the military. It was February 19, 1942 when Japan attacked
Darwin Harbour at that location. The USS Peary sunk, and lots of people
died.

I kept walking and stumbled upon the Darwin Pillar. Erected for
geographical surveys, it's at 12 degrees, 28 minutes, 05.4894 seconds South
latitude, 130 degrees, 50 minutes, 23.5107 seconds East longitude, at an
altitude of 28.54 meters above sea level. I was there at precisely
3:34:48.274 pm this afternoon.

Tomorrow morning I leave for Kakadu. I'll be out of touch for a few days.

No Regrets.

Jeff