While the townhouse I'm living in is beautiful, I am sick of being stranded
so far from the city without a car. And the record rainfall is not
conducive to strolls around the neighborhood. Sometimes, I'll take the bus
around the city to all of the tourist spots, but those get boring after a
while.

Jordan is a bitch. We were seeing each other for a while but then decided
to tell me and everyone she knew that we were no longer seeing each other
because of emotional baggage from her previous relationship. Then, while
out one night with friends, she proceeds to suck face with another guy (who
has a girlfriend) right in front of me. Here's the good part. A couple of
nights later, her flat got robbed and she lost everything. It's all about
karma, Jack.

The job is boring and still sucks. Apparently, Lindsay never defended me
regarding my pay cut because she's bonking Rugger. Ah, office politics. I
was considering quitting the shit job when, this evening, Lindsay tells me
that they'll be getting somebody "internal" to do the database work and that
in a couple of weeks I won't be needed anymore. The timing is perfect.

The biggest problem I have is meeting people.

At work, everyone clears out of the office when the backpackers come in for
the night shift, so it's impossible to be social there. So all I can do is
get out to the bars and clubs after work, and I'm finding it difficult to
make friends at those kinds of places. One night a few weeks ago, I
happened to see Karen and Debbie, two girls that I had toured Kakadu with
three months ago and never expected to see again, at a club. We partied a
bit and did the tourist thing while they were here, but both girls have
since gone their separate ways, and now I'm on my own again.

I talked with Frida, the cooler roommate, about my problem, and she
sympathized. Then she took me shopping to get some new clothes because she
said I "would never get laid dressed like a backpacker." So I got some new
clothes. Apparently you need to wear lots of black to get laid.

Things were getting so shitty for a while that I was thinking about picking
up and leaving Perth, continuing on to New Zealand and then finally going
home. It just seemed like everything was going wrong. And to top it all
off, Frida just left for Italy for six weeks. That leaves me with Michelle,
a girl who is terrified of buttons and counts the number of cheese slices
she leaves in the refrigerator.

Alas, I am considering moving in with Julie, one of Kakadu Karen's friends
here in Perth who lives closer to the city and is looking for a flatmate.
Moving in with Julie would put me conveniently closer to the city, which
means that it would be much easier to get home after I've been out all
night. The problem is that she has no furniture. I am also considering
getting a more social job in the city as a waiter or barhand. Doing this
would allow me to work a normal schedule and allow me to meet more people.

We'll see what happens over the next few weeks.

Last week, I took a look at the Olympic baseball schedule, and as it turns
out, the timing is perfect. The medal games begin just as I get into
Sydney. I wasn't planning on going to the Olympics since I don't normally
give a shit about the Olympics, but I decided to take advantage of the
opportunity and treat myself by buying two sets of tickets for all of the
medal games as well as for the USA-Australia game. Liam, an old friend and
former roommate from USC, happens to be in Australia on a graduate marine
biology scholarship (damn that's how I should have funded this trip)
around that time and promised to make it down to Sydney to join me for the
games.

A few nights ago, I went to my first Australian strip club. The next day,
at a friend's recommendation, I went to the Perth Sexpo, an exhibition of
sex. Imagine thousands of different vibrators and penis paraphernalia,
bookshelves of porn, porn stars (Serenity) signing autographs, TVs playing
porn, other TVs playing sex education videos, racks and racks of lingerie,
and blow-up dolls (male and female, with anatomically correct protrusions
and intrusions) hanging from the rafters in an enormous warehouse-style
enclosure. Strippers got on stage and got naked, and covered themselves with
whipped cream. Visitors got on stage to see who could finish off a
chocolate cock quicker without chewing. One vendor rubbed lube on my finger
so that I would buy some of it, another vendor sold strictly batteries (for
obvious reasons), and another gave out brochures for his "Penis Puppetry"
show. A few vendors, obviously misinformed, were selling flights, boat
tours, and mobile phone packages. I picked up some gifts for friends,
including a penis extension, a cock tourniquet, a masturbation kit, and a
waterproof vibrator. For myself, I picked up an application to the
Australian Mating Club, some lingerie catalogs, a calendar of sexual
positions, and some Casanova Cream. I also bought a vibrator for my friend
Sarah who I just met last week. I thought it was a good idea at the time,
but now I am beginning to think that it might be a little too forward.

The place was packed with people, young and old, with very little censorship
and no demonstrations or protests. Everyone was having a good time. It was
fantastic. And it's too bad the US is too uptight to hold that kind of
event. It's those little things like this that you don't plan for that make
the this trip worthwhile.

Today, I booked the rest of my trip home. I'll be spending two months touring
New Zealand, and then I'll be going to the Cook Islands, to Fiji (assuming
the shit stops hitting the political fan by then), to Hawaii for Christmas,
then than back to LA for New Year's. I plan to spend a week or two in LA
before flying home to Houston in the middle of January. My other options
aside from Cook Islands/Fiji/Hawaii were to visit Tonga/Samoa/Hawaii or only
Tahiti. Any suggestions?

Other notes:

- In one of my letters home, I commented that "there is no such thing as a
tough Australian guy since their accents make them sound dainty", noting
Russell Crowe as perhaps the only exception. This recently came in:

> Jeff. Like your stuff on Oz. Just thought I would point out you have
> fallen into the trap that many people in Oz and round the world fall into.
> That is claiming those many prominent New Zealanders in sport and the arts
> in fact any area, as Australians. Russel Crowe is a New Zealander, he is a
> cousin of Martin and Jeff Crowe two of our great cricketers.
> Look forward to your New Zealand experience...
> Cheers Pete.

Sorry, Pete. Without Russell Crowe, Australian guys are truly hopeless.

- Frida has never had a bagel before.

- I recently had a crumpet and yellow watermelon (not together) for the first
time.

- If you're watching a TV movie, totally out-of-context theme music will
start playing in the middle of a scene before cutting to commercial. It's
horrible.

- If you're dumb enough to wait for a bus on a Sunday afternoon in Perth
(they come every two hours), an Asian chef named Peter driving an SUV will
pull up at the bus stop and give you a ride into town.

- After using three different disposable razors in a rotation for six months,
I splurged and got the Gillette Mach 3. What a difference! I recommend it!

- One day after work, as I was walking to the train station, a crowd had
assembled along the street. Curious to know what was going on, I waited for
a few minutes. Then a few cops on bikes and a minivan drove by, followed by
a kid with curly black hair jogging with the Olympic torch. It is touring
Australia before arriving in Sydney later this year for the Olympics.

- I noticed last week that one of the screws on my iBook holding the battery
in place has broken off and is now missing. Somehow, I am not surprised.

- Just learned that the original "Charlie's Angels" TV show debuted on ABC
the day I was born. That might explain my childhood obsession with Jaclyn
Smith.

- Every Australian who learns I am from Texas asks me the following
questions:

1. Do you have a gun?
2. Are you allowed to carry a gun around?
3. Does everyone have a gun?
4. Has anyone ever pulled a gun on you?
5. Do you drive a pick-up truck with a confederate flag on it?
6. Why are you not wearing a cowboy hat and boots?

- Heath Ledger, the Perth-born actor who was born in Subiaco Hospital just
down the street from my work, has just signed to star in Mad Max 4.

- Alasdair, the Canadian backpacker I work with, showed me a way to make free
long distance calls from my work computer here in Perth to actual telephones
in the US and Canada. If you'd like me to give you a call, and don't mind
me calling you early in the morning (I'm at the computer from 6:30am -
11:15am EST), just send me your number (I lost all my numbers when my
computer died) and I'll try to drop you a line. I already tried it once
with my friend Rick and it was so choppy that it was nearly impossible to
carry a conversation, but I'll try it again.

No Regrets (except for not kissing some random chick Woodstock-style at the
stroke of midnight on New Year's in Sydney Harbour).

Jeff