habit
its in love with youSep 15, 2001
national day of mourning. needless to say, it was an emotionally overcharged kind of day.
our minister of finance said it best, in my opinion. he said that after hearing the news his wife wanted to call their eldest son, in singapore. he told her 'its the middle of the night there, and its so far away...don't worry, he's fine.' she said 'i don't care...i just want to reach him, touch him, hold him...' and that that is how canada feels about the united states right now. that they are our closest neighbors, and we feel their pain as though it is our own. and that IS how i've felt.
i think i shed tears about 15 times today. hearing amazing grace gospel style...watching an american woman next to me sob...thinking of the lost and those who remain that miss them...the heroes in the aftermath, the stories...its endless. and it aches inside me. and if it aches inside me, what must it be like for those there, in nyc and dc? for those who saw things first hand? i know when i hear the plane in that footage, before it enters the picture...the roar of its engine...its the worst thing i have ever heard and it fills me with dread, knowing what i am about to see...what is it like for residents of that city? of that country across the line?
i wanted to go into detail about the services, and moments of silence observed today, and candlelight vigils. about how the interview i had focused more on the tragedy than the job at hand. about how i finally think i would believe in and support a war that would combat terrorism, break down government systems and change education in middle eastern countries where children are taught to hate all things western and have it ingrained in their psyche. i would find it a noble war, and i feel sick just saying it, because i try to be nonviolent and anti-war and death. and yet, this is the world now. this is reality. whats happened CAN happen, because it did. everything must be done so that it doesnt happen again. it makes me feel evil, but i know i am good. my god, i miss monday. monday was so fucking wonderful.
make it 16.
that terrible tuesday, i found the most meaningful commentary that summarized all of what we had to deal with that day came from rex murphy, a correspondent for cbc news. if you are so inclined, you can go read it here.
after all that i went to work. i started out feeling calm, having released much emotion and having had the experience of sharing my pain at a gathering, that much needed feeling of solidarity and community achieved. and then two of my so called friends there...they just got to me. i dont doubt that i was oversensitive, but that was it. i had had enough, too much, and i left. i couldnt deal with their petty shit, and they hurt me with it. i'm probably just exhausted. its been a long day.
chantal told me today she has been listening to alot of bob marley to deal with everything. so for her, and for me, and for everyone everywhere i'll sign out with this, another beautiful prayer.
One love, one heart
Let's get together and feel all right
Hear the children crying (One love)
Hear the children crying (One heart)
Sayin', "Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right."
Sayin', "Let's get together and feel all right."
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Let them all pass all their dirty remarks (One love)
There is one question I'd really love to ask (One heart)
Is there a place for the hopeless sinner
Who has hurt all mankind just to save his own?
Believe me
One love, one heart
Let's get together and feel all right
As it was in the beginning (One love)
So shall it be in the end (One heart)
Alright, "Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right."
"Let's get together and feel all right."
One more thing
Let's get together to fight this Holy Armageddon (One love)
So when the Man comes there will be no, no doom (One song)
Have pity on those whose chances grow thinner
There ain't no hiding place from the Father of Creation
Sayin', "One love, one heart
Let's get together and feel all right."
I'm pleading to mankind (One love)
Oh, Lord (One heart) Whoa.
"Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right."
Let's get together and feel all right.
(Repeat)
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