habit

dude it is so cold in my apartment right now that my hands are freezing and could use gloves, i am shivering occasionally in my flannel pjs (one point for that lame mention) and my nose is running intermittently. intermittently. what a weather-girl word.

i am craning my neck now to hear the choruses of "so turn on your heat, dumbass".

they say its going to warm up wednesday. i can handle two days of cold so as to avoid paying for two days of gas heat use. yes, my bank account is on my mind. i feel like fucking oliver twist. ok, so he was a poor orphan, not an unemployed woman, but at some point i'm sure he was cold.

i had 12 emails when i got online today. impressive, no? no. especially after i found out that two others that had been sent to me were never received. whats up with that? so i send email to my provider and they are all 'nope, everything is fine here!' hello! not getting the point much? if i am not getting email then everything is NOT fine, and that was the point of my email. whateva. actually, no, not whateva. if i am applying for jobs online, and i am not receiving some emails...this is not a good equation. mofo.

anyway, here is an email i was NOT expecting:

Hi, Stephanie. My name is . I'm a researcher-reporter here
at Global TV. I got a chance to read the email you sent to our news
director. Very well written with a lot of passion. Good stuff. I'm an
Expos fan too.

Anyway, we are getting ready to put together a series of stories on "Nos
Amours". I would like to know if you may be available for an interview in
the near future. I'm sure our stories will include fan reaction, and I
think
you may be perfect (oh yeah, that's why Ward let me read your email!).

Let me know what you think. Either via email, or by
calling me on my direct line: 514-pri-vacy.

Take care, Steph. Bye

yikes. i got nervous just reading it. i am a writer for a reason...not too sure i'd make a good interview. also..i kind of resent the idea of them talking to fans AFTER the fact of non-expos, instead of rallying to save them beforehand. so i don't know. thats probably just a justification of me copping out. either way its kind of cool. it was surely not my intent. i should trade them an interview for a job. this world needs more blackmail..i mean bribery...i mean barter.

and before i leave the topic of baseball, let me just say that toby and alex both went and found me randy johnson expos pitcher pictures. thanks guys. you are the best man-servants i've ever had. here's another. randy's legs are so long and thin he looks like a damn alien. he is 6"10. they say when he does something good on the field he throws both arms up to the sky, reaching up to his late father. sweet.

i guess i'm feeling kinda sentimental today (as opposed to just regular old mental). i was reading this journal that belongs to some guy who usually writes in third person and drives me a bit nutty, but other times i like his lingo. i only know him because he interrupted me to ask kirk if he remembered him (i think). he called himself elmo. anyway i don't know him from a hole in the wall but i read his journal which i came to in some goosechase with jess just because i am a journal reading addict, and today he basically writes a long love letter to his woman and the last paragraph choked me up its so sweet.

jesus whats wrong with me. sue ann, hook a sister up. =P

brr.

my back is kind of hurting. i'm not sure if its the lame couch sleeps of late, or if it was being hunched over the puzzle for about 4 hours tonight. i managed to get the frame done, on a flattened cardboard box. i have to do it on something portable so i can hide it from the cats when i'm done working on it. turned out the cardboard was too short. so i pulled out this window pane from my back room and transferred it delicately over, which was a gigantic pain in the ass, as lifting a puzzle frame and trying to keep it together is like turning over a bowl of popcorn and expecting the stuff to stay in the bowl. anyway, i get that done and surprise! the fucking window pane is too small too. yay, puzzles are fun! so i had to transfer it AGAIN, this time onto a big window screen.

the cats are bad with the puzzle pieces because they dont want to just swat at them: they want to eat them. a dog would just lie at my feet and snooze. the cats are pouncing all over everything every two seconds. a nice relaxing puzzle i thought. ha! meanwhile, what was i thinking buying this one? everything is yellow! its gonna be tricky.

in an attempt to warm myself up i just popped in bridge night 2. =) its already working. this is what i looked like waiting for bridge one to begin. all sunny and clean looking. this is what i looked like by bridge 2. two nights of billy idol screaming 'hey motherfucker get laid get fucked' will do that to a person. the caption is because me and steve stevens have almost the same haircut...i say almost because his is better. why couldn't he stay forgotten!? had to come steal my coif thunder.

i wonder if mike is gonna keep up with what i refer to as 'that spanish ending' style of playing like in wishlist. i call it spanish ending because thats what shannon hoon calls it at the end of a song he plays on nico that ends with that style playing. which is odd to mention right now because 'i am mine' is starting and i know the beginning reminded me of another song, and now i'm thinking its a blind melon song. weird.

so i tried my first stab at the 'overcoming challenges' three minute speech/essay thing i'm supposed to write. and i think what i have absolutely sucks. i feel like what i'm saying is patronizing, because its going to be read by a guy younger than me who knows what challenges are: legally blind and paralyzed from a stroke. i mean, yes we all have degrees of challenges...but..i dunno. knowing what he's overcome makes me feel like i don't know shit, and comparatively i probably don't. in summary: it needs work. bad.

i will say it: i LOVE the song mike wrote. last soldier. the bass line in it makes me feel like its a dead song. which makes me HAPPY. suh-weet. and the chorus sweeps me up in that feeling i would get at dead shows. mama like. and jeff is really cranking the bass during black here too. long held notes that are...well, they're black. i remember when i started posting to the newsgroup i would share that i envisioned jeff's basslines to be this huge tubes that i would slide along in my head...and that i'd love to have sex with them. the basslines. this is bringing that back. who said that?

this is what happens when i try to do anything while listening to music. i stop what i was doing and the music takes over. which is why i can't put it on to sleep to...i don't sleep, i listen. unless its van morrison moondance, which is a total lullaby album that i love like a teddy bear. no, teddy rabbit.

my friend adam is offering me a job at a record shop in seattle. bitch of a commute but...there are worse jobs.

ok i am chatting and listening and no longer writing. i think that means i'm done.

have a swell night. one love, people. go listen to some john lennon.
whats real? the dream i see...

posted by s**  # 2:05 AM