habit

no i didnt update last night. here it is: the friday review.

the reason for the non update is sheer exhaustion. i retired to the couch early on thursday night so as to be fresh for the interview, and well rested. yeah, so much for that. i saw 7 am on the clock. and not because i woke up early, but because i had one of them toss and turn no sleep yell at mac kind of nights. it was ugly.

i was downtown friday by 1. the interview was at 2. i was starved, as the cupboards are bare. groceries tomorrow. so i treated myself to a BK veggieburger trio at burger king. it was a treat to be in a 'restaurant' and not in my house. how do i justify boycotting mcdonalds while still supporting burger king? i just do.

i was finished by 1:20. 40 minutes to kill and the interview building literally 5 steps away. i scoped out the building. i bought gum to mask onion breath, and it was NASTY. excel new cherry breeze turbo strong gum? NASTY. tastes like cough drops. you've been warned. strolled around the dollar store and got out when the itch to spend kicked in. and then i just grabbed a copy of the hour and went up to wait.

i walked into the office, and at first i was like: this is a scam to rape girls. because all thats there in the entry is an open closet with one shoe lying there, and a table with no chairs with a briefcase haphazardly strewn on it, all dusty like. but i sucked it up and walked in and turned the corner. there were about umpteen computers, but only like 4 people. the people all looked like people who'd be living in my neighborhood, so that was good. i had some water and read my publsihed letter. yay.

then a girl shows up. her name i already forget but she is the competition, also told to be there for two. she has worked as a news editor in radio, and at global tv, the station that interviewed me. she has more experience than me clearly, and has that news reporter way of talking...and i am friendly with her, but she acts kind of like she thinks she's all that. she isn't. then another girl shows up, who is much quieter. then finally the interviewer shows up. he and i have a little chat seperate from the group, and i was not asked what my faults are or how much money i want. groovin'.

basically this job is not for foreign film as i had thought. its for the transfer of movies onto dvd. they do the subtitles for the english language subtitles, as well as the closed captions, for both the movie and the director's spiel feature. they work with HBO, universal, mgm and have offices all over europe and in LA. they did the sopranos AND sex in the city. fuck and i missed it.

anyway we did two tests, and it was so cool. the first was sitting at a puter with headphones on, and the screen divided in two. one was wordpad, where i had to type up the conversation between the restorer and some critic about the film lost horizon from 1937 (frank capra). so there are buttons to play, pause, and back up the little movie, and i typed what i heard. it was totally fun and stressful, because he was going to be checking for speed of typing, as well as grammar. little miss news editor kind of had me sweating it. i felt like it was going way slow.

anyway, we had a half hour to do that and then ed came in and asked us to stop. he had us roll away from the computers to save the files, and miss global was all: did you get past the credits? quiet girl was like: just barely. miss global: i got to the amount they spent on the movie.

dudes: i was so beyond both those places its not even funny. this is good. i bet its my speedy type-ability from this here journal. woo! wasting endless hours online pays off. i was pretty damned pleased. i bet i had a smug obnoxious little grin on my face, for my wee victory, even if i dont get the job. cuz me and miss global were still being polite and surface friendly, but beneath the surface it was heated hardcore competition. it was great.

so that was just transcribing. then we went on to subtitling. again the screen was divided in two, with the little movie screen on one side, and these rows of cells (like excel) on the other side. in both rows were already typed subtitles for the movie i was about to see, the first 100 frames of dvd. i had to make the changes in the second row of boxes, in grammar and in timing. it was SO FUN. i loved doing corrections like that, and it was so cool in general. the movie was called circus. probably an hbo dealie. he had us do boxes 1-50 and then sat down to review with me. he pointed out alot that i got and some that i missed, like for sentence breaks and stuff.

then i was left to do the rest, and this time i think i caught every single thing, with the help of his tips. but those he looked at after we left. and so i was done. he asked what i thought and i was all excited saying it would be too great, and i loved it. because it would and i did. but its not for full time work (yet). work comes in big crushes for deadlines, and then there are lulls. they need someone flexible with time and i got all the time in the world. and so i left. i think it went well, but it really depends on what everyone else did, and there is no way to gauge that, so i'm not going to sweat it.

do i want the job? hell yes. do i think he knows i'd be good at it: hope so.

but as i headed back out onto the street it hit me: dumbass, you didn't ask how it pays! argh! fuck. watch it pay like 7 dollars an hour. i would probably still do it, thats the sad thing. that seems too little for such careful work though. i'm hoping its like at least 10 an hour. i was really hoping for salary, but this is freelance so oh well. please A) let me get it and B) let it pay nice.

so no jess, i wasn't having crazy i got the job celebrations. this is what i was doing:

i walked along ste catherine street and just loved being outside. the weather yesterday was ridiculously spring like, all sunny and pretty. but after dark the temperatures dropped pretty quick. anyway. it was 4:45pm. adam was landing in montreal at 5ish. so i stayed downtown and headed towards his hotel

i made a small purchase that will serve my secret project nicely. =))

i cruised through the rip-off sweetness that is urban outfitters and found at least 3000 things that i want. bastards. then i just went to wait at the hotel. wanting to spend and having nothing to spend is different from wanting to spend but saving for a trip. one shows control. the other is just sad.

adam showed up and we checked out his room. man, the avante is going to spoil all avante-dwellers for other hotels for life. his remote control didnt work on his mini-tv. the bathroom was just a bathroom, not a spa-like heaven. the mini bar was locked and the key was downstairs. if he wanted the continental breakfast he had to pay like 10 bucks for it, and it was juice, a muffin or danish, and coffee. the heathens! and where was the hifi lounge? the free computer for guests? nowhere, i tell you! nowhere!!!

we walked over to three amigos for dinner. i was stoked for this because haven't had nachos in a dog's age. we shared some nachos and then i had spinach enchiladas with refried beans, salad and rice. three amigos is damned good value, and i stuffed myself silly. the words EXPENSE ACCOUNT. there are few things sweeter. he mentioned how he might want to go to a hockey game tonight and i was digging that. but hockey tickets are a retarded 150 dollars each for the good section! i couldnt believe it...i still can't. thats just obscene. he said they are even more in toronto. jesus. so a movie it is for tonight.

we went back to his hotel and just chilled and watched tv and laughed like assholes. it was time well spent, just like a+e. do you have a+e in the states? if you dont that wont make sense, but no big woop i assure you. he wants to see k-pax tonight and has passes, which could be cool because its in the building where jillian's is, and if kelce is working he can hook us up with free gaming. fun fun fun and no t-bird.

the fatigue hit me about 11. i came home. i struggled through a game of spades online, and i was done for. i had to lie down. there was not gonna be a blog. sorry. there was no fighting it.

alex called. right now he is on a big metal bird flying home to michigan from california. we had a fun talk and he needs to be told that he should get some cords and try eating corn that is not popped. he never has. imagine! his email link is on his site. tell him! i'm wishing good air space all day long.

so that in a nutshell was friday. it was a good day.
enjoy saturday. i'm gonna do some cleaning and some project work. im not even finalized on what exactly im gonna do. i best get a move on.

later skaters.
=)

katie has magically transormed her journal into the most adorable blog site i've ever seen. kate is a magic amazing girl. go read her stuff. i bet you never come back.

ok too cool. i just wanted to check the spelling of 'anti-climactic' as i wrote in paragraph 2 below, and it turns out that i was wrong. its just one word: anticlimactic. but how cool is this: the webster website now has audio pronunciations of the words you look up! so awesome. love it.

also, if you wanna do something kind of neat: there's this survey thing online that tells you where you are on the political compass, as put together by some professor dude. i did it, and it told me basically that i am gandhi. i wasn't surprised. you probably won't be either, but still, its kind of cool to be conscious of where you stand on some issues as you answer the particular questions. you can play along here. my results were:
Economic Left/Right: -5.00
Authoritarian/Libertarian: -6.92

ok. cross fingers for me. wish me a good hair day. =)

time is of the essence. its all about tomorrow's job interview. must be alert and chipper. must be dazzling and savvy. must be asleep before 2.

survivor tonight was kind of anti-climactic. i mean, they kicked the right witch off the show, so all is going according to my plan...but it was all rather predictable and slow paced. not enough backstabbing or plotting or evilness for my liking. but next week should be right back in the nitty gritty. awww yeah. is it next thursday yet?

i woke up when pam called me today, and we chitted and chatted and she held a mock interview with me which wound up making me more nervous than i was. i'm gonna try to stage one here before i sign out, just to get the words going in my head. in case they ask the predictably horrible questions.

she also told me how she got into it a bit with our friend in vancouver. this did not please me, as it seems that girl spoke for me and anita when it was not her place to, nor was it even called for. just annoying in fighting. so lets tally: its GOOD on survivor, but BAD in my personal life. ah the hypocrisy of being.

the mail came. and it was joyous on top of joyous. first i got the stub saying my unemployment check was deposited. WOO! such a relief i felt like you don't know. but sticking out of the bottom of the small pile o mail was the hell-phone bill...so even the relief was a bit tainted. then i opened a letter from my bank which said that if i opened a phone or web banking account they would give me ten bucks. so why not? i could use the ten bucks? so i set that up and got ready to pay some bills online, and not have to leave my house to do so. i had kind of been holding off and skeptical of that whole online payment thing...but hey i'm easily bought. ten bucks appears to be the going rate.

and then the hell phone bill. i didnt want to open it. the envelope felt thin, so that was heartening, but i had visions of turning over the entire unemployment check to it, and that would mean id have to start eating sand. so i took a deep breath and ripped that sucker open...and it was only 90 dollars!!!! i mean, i was seriously expecting at least a 250 dent into my cash. how do you spell relief?

so i paid it off, and my gas bill, and my electric and have enough for groceries on the weekend. life is good. you heard it here first.

sergio came and got me and we headed to the snazzy restaurant for the second time. we were told that interviews were being held today, so i got ready, and i will report to you how the way i told rich:
cleavage exposed? check.
lipstick applied? check.
smarter than the guy interviewing me but he would never believe it? check.
apparently my cats are smarter than the hostess who told us to come in, because once AGAIN they were not holding interviews. we met with the manager on duty and he spoke to us a bit and was very nice. some guy met us at the door and he tried to hook us up with an interview. we had a little conversation with him, as such:
serge: what do you do here?
guy: i'm the sales and marketing manager assistant. (or something)
cue me and sergio looking confused. i mean, this is a restaurant.
me: what is that?
guy: well...i'm the owner's cousin.

hahahhahha gotta love it. wait it gets better. here is another snippet of convo between the three of us:
serge: is it still owned by peter?
guy: no, peter left...but its still greek owned.
serge: are you greek?
guy: no i'm italian. why, you're greek?
serge: no, i'm portugese.
guy (lookin at me): but you're greek.
me: no.
guy: italian?
me (smiling, because i go through this every time someone guesses my nationality, which is canadian, but what they want to hear is that i'm jewish, so i wait to see if they'll guess, which they never do. once in acapulco someone asked if i was from taiwan. i swear.):nope.
guy: what are you?
me (just getting to the point): i'm jewish.
guy: jewish, oh. there's nothing wrong with that.
me: I KNOW!

hahhaha, can you believe that guy??? where did he get that i was ashamed of it or thought something was wrong with it?? me and sergio were both cracking up. poor guy. he was all 'my uncle married a jewish woman.... you don't get more jewish than that.' poor guy. i just wanted him to stop talking. overall it was a pleasant visit though.

and then...it was survivor. thats the majority of my day right there.

apart from the fact that its so warm out. totally mild. i didnt even need a jacket today, i just wore a tshirt with a little sweater over it. amazing. on the 6 oclock news they said it would be 10 degrees overnight (or 50) and we'll wake up to 10 degrees tomorrow. then, less than an hour later, there was a little weather update saying the temps were gonna drop to -6 degrees overnight. what the hell? thats a 16 degree discrepancy in an hour's time, and unexplained! freaking weather people.

just before on the news they played the tape of what happened in the cockpit of the plane that hit the ground on september 11th. i felt compelled to listen to it, the pilot yelling 'get out of here! get out of here!' and then hearing the terrorist saying 'this is the captain. everyone stay calm. we are going back to the airport and have made our demands. we have a bomb on the plane.' i didn't want to listen, it was awful. but i had to because to do so is to suffer, and that i feel like i owe the people who died that day. to not turn the other cheek and change the channel. to KNOW. for them. i dont know.

my letter was published in the hour, about the expos. i haven't seen it yet, but tomorrow expect me to pick up every single copy i can find. =)

j said it was 'sappy'. thanks j. me and my sappy ass are happy to be printed. sappy and happy. there's my signature for a letter to dear abby. all i need now is the letter. but anita invited me to gap friends can shop day or whatever its called, in december, so their couple karma balances. i hope either:
a) i have a job by then so i can take advantage of the deals.
or
b) mommy is still here so she can take advantage of the deals on my behalf. yes, when i want new clothes she is mommy, not mom. ha i'm so crooked. don't think i'm fooling her though. yesterday caryn suggested a 1-800-STEPHSMOM line be erected. my mom knows whats up. gotta wake up pretty early to play her.

i got a free sample of a face mask from the place where i get the hair ripped from my body at the root with hot wax. it was a chamomile relaxing mask, and i put it on at about 9:30pm. as i was spreading it across my skin a thought occurred to me: you have a job interview tomorrow. you could have a reaction to this mask, and wake up with a face full of boils, or yellow skin. what a time to think of that. fifteen seconds before? noooooo, the only thought i had was: wheee! girly girl gets a free mask! wheee! what a dumbass.
anyway, my skin is super soft and so far boil free. pray for me, people.

and that's the story i'm sticking to.
oh crap the mock interview. ok. just the trick questions:

1.so, stephanie, tell us why we should hire you over someone else:
ok i just want to make jokes here and not be serious. fuck. its so hard to talk about oneself out loud. i guess that sounds ironic since thats what i do in here every day, but its different out loud, trying to make yourself sound golden. why me over someone else? because i love the language, and a job like this, that combines protecting the language and making it soar with the arts, in this case film...it wouldn't feel like work to me. i'd be so into the job, getting everything perfect, giving it my all...and proud to do it. i'm dedicated, hard working and just a damned good editor. plus, check out my rack. =)

2. so, stephanie, tell us some of your faults:
ugh, i HATE this one. man oh man. i guess a fault could be that i am so detail oriented and anal about the language and it's use that i can be somewhat of a pest at times to others, butting in and correcting them (see? thats not really a fault, its a good thing for this job! ok, its a fault.) thats not a good answer. i dont want them to think im obnoxious. who me? never. umm...maybe i would just say that i can't think of any fault of mine that would affect my work for this company. i'm punctual, reliable, creative, of good vocabulary, honest, open and communicative. the fact that i like to pick my nose and rub it on the wall does not apply.

3. so, stephanie, what are your expectations for salary?
i hate this one too. i never know what to say. i think if they ask i will say: well, i would expect that you'd grant me a salary that is worthy of the position. i trust that you would be fair. if they press me for a number i guess i could say: well at my last job i made about XX amount, and i would need the same to live the way i am accustomed to, but am flexible on this topic considering i think the job is just so cool.

ok so those work for me. the key is me not being nervous. going in, smiling, eye contact, hand shaking, professional demeanor. its not like i feel like i am full of shit and need to prove something and have to bullshit and get nervous about what i say. i really do think me and this job fit. so i just have to show them that. wish me luck.

one love. the dream i see. oh yeah, i see the dream.

posted by s**  # 1:02 AM

song currently residing in the loft aka my brain: urge overkill's: crack baby.

jess i think you know what i mean. man those are some deeeep lyrics. NOT.
ha! not. remember when you couldnt get through a day, hell, an hour without saying NOT all proudly and obnoxious-like? i sure do.

today was 88.6% throw-away. i had some good communications with some good people, and i feel good about that. i like being a friend that is there for others should they need to bounce shit off me (well, not literally). i woke up wayyy late. which is fine because the manager me and sergio wanted to go see today left early and we bumped that plan over to tomorrow.

tomorrow. i have dreamed of it all day. and you know why. no? ask jill sobule. ask destiny's child. ask global tv because baby tomorrow is SURVIVOR.

top ten signs you need to get out more. see above sentence, and know it is absolutely heartfelt. good thing i'm laughing. if i weren't i'd probably need some happy-gas.

and then friday is the Job Interview for which i am so psyched and cannot wait to get over there. and then adam will be here so its dinner and a movie and fun.

speaking of job interview, i received this email after 5 pm today:

To: S. Segal

We have received your e-mail including your curriculum
vitae, for the position of International Correspondent. At
first view we feel you could prove to be a good candidate.

Attached is our company synopsis. Please let us know
in your own words how you feel you can make the best
contribution possible to our company mission.

More specific information will follow after you have stated
your point of view.

Best regards,



#1. the only thing i remember about the job ad was that they wanted someone organized and internet minded.
#2. curriculum vitae is what montrealers call their CVs, which is the latin equivalent to resume, as in reh-zoo-may. how very very.
#3. wouldn't it have been nice if mr hong kong had actually attached the document he said he was going to. because, guess what: he didn't. so very typical of my life. so i wrote him this short polite note asking him to please re-send etc, hopefully that will bring him no embarrassment. that can wait till i meet him in person.

international correspondent. sounds totally bond-like.

so thats two leads of interest. keep on rocking in the job-vibe world readers. it's all you, i'm sure of it.

i got two bills in the mail today, neither of them the cell phone bill from the bridge trip, thankfully. i am starting to feel the money crunch big time. luckily it got all mild and warmish here, so im actually comfortable and not frozen up in here. which is good. that cell phone bill----oy. i bet its taking this long because its so fat and heavy its like moving a whale through the mail system. where is my damned government check!!??

of course none of this stopped me from buying a big bag of bbq ruffles and eating the whole thing. in fact, i think its what made me do it.

but enough about me. let's talk about me, instead. ok? i thought so.

i was on the fabulous yahoo games site, playing spades, where you randomly just sit in a room and are stuck with whoever as a partner. but the guy i was playing with played just like me, and we were in a total groove, which is the best, like cruising in a luxury vehicle, as all spades players can attest to. so when we got a chance to talk i found out he was from san fran, so i told him i lived there for a year (which i did) and we got to chatting about the dead, and then of course pearl jam. it turns out my man jeff is a taper, and he's gonna hook me up with some kindness. i love pearl jam/grateful dead people. even if the guy i moved to sf for was one. ha, it all comes together.

when i was at shoreline on the bill i saw that phil lesh and friends would be playing there for new years and was so jealous of anyone who could go. turns out jeff is going, and he be living in mass now. so i made a friend of sorts out of thin air. birds of a feather. totally random and cool. sometimes you just gotta love the internet.

ok its butt late and im playing word association with rich and alex. care for a sample?
oshuns2: turtle
PearlJamFelix: cow
RMonkeywrench: filet
oshuns2: mcdonalds
PearlJamFelix: egg mcmuffin
RMonkeywrench: lukin
oshuns2: seattle
PearlJamFelix: space needle
RMonkeywrench: tracks
oshuns2: trains
PearlJamFelix: cows
RMonkeywrench: burgers
oshuns2: buns
PearlJamFelix: nice ass
RMonkeywrench: tush
oshuns2: zz top
PearlJamFelix: legs
RMonkeywrench: intersection
oshuns2: richard gere
PearlJamFelix: gerbils
RMonkeywrench: ballon knot
oshuns2: sailor
PearlJamFelix: boat
RMonkeywrench: herpes
oshuns2: medecine
PearlJamFelix: sick
RMonkeywrench: dead
oshuns2: earth
PearlJamFelix: space
RMonkeywrench: rodman
oshuns2: maine
PearlJamFelix: stephen king
RMonkeywrench: shit
oshuns2: bathroom
PearlJamFelix: shit
RMonkeywrench: george michael
oshuns2: faith
PearlJamFelix: religion
RMonkeywrench: shit
oshuns2: brown
PearlJamFelix: cow
RMonkeywrench: milk
oshuns2: one with a cow fetish, the other with a shit fetish
oshuns2: soy
PearlJamFelix: nasty
RMonkeywrench: vegan
oshuns2: hemp
PearlJamFelix: marijuana
RMonkeywrench: doobie
oshuns2: bowman
PearlJamFelix: doobie
RMonkeywrench: jess

and with that, it is way late. so screw you, im outta here. enjoy survivor thursday. you know i will.
=)
one love, the dream i see.
xo

posted by s**  # 3:35 AM

what up freaks and geeks? you are at the mercy of one tired ass blogger right now. everyone turn towards livermore and fix it with your worst dirty look.

just kidding alex. its not ALL your fault. just mostly. =P

what an eventful day. after going to sleep wayyy too late i woke up at about 9 because the people in the triplex next to me were being treated to all new windows. i'm no carpenter or windower but i know now that that means a lot of tapping with hammers. and the earlier the better apparently. i did fall back to sleep tho, so that was all good.

then sergio called and woke me as per our arrangement. i hit the showers, and when i got out billy called me. from the jewish general hospital. from a locked ward. he was diagnosed as bi-polar and has been in there for 11 days. he needs a good stint in there, but is itching to get out. he is on the high of his swings and doesnt realize that he isnt himself. its a very yucky thing to watch someone you love go through. he asked me and sergio to visit. so that took priority over the job hunt. we went to see him first.

turns out when we got there it was a work reunion. denis and jf were in with him, and left so we could get in. then minutes after we got there alex and julie showed up. billy loooked good considering. i didnt get much of a chance to talk with him though. one year ago today i was at the jewish general anyway. my dad was probably just moved out of the icu. he was in the hospital for a month, and i didnt miss a day. half that time he was unconscious in the icu, and it was touch and go for most of it. i dont think ive ever been so stressed out before, being that scared for that long consecutively kicks the crap out of you. but he is the miracle man. he pulled through with minimal damage, which is relatively unheard of for what he had.

which was a ruptured aortic aneurysm in the abdomen. usually aneurysm = you're toast. the doctors were amazed. when he hadnt woken up yet and would get all agitated and his heart rate would rocket it would panic me. i would put my headphones on him and play him ol'blue eyes, frank sinatra. his heart rate would go down. the fabulous nurses thought i was a wack job. but i am a firm believer in the healing nature of music. anyway, being back at the hospital today felt strangely and horribly comfortable. a hospital should never feel that way. but we were the lucky ones. i know this well.

that came out of left field. i wasnt planning on mentioning the ol aneurysm tonight. maybe sometime i will mention the statistics that show my dad to be the miracle he is. he's one year old.

sooo...after the hospital where it was so good to see my old work cohorts, me and sergio headed to this upscale restaurant right near the molson center, a building that instantly makes me think pearl jam when i see it. hard to imagine in 98 will do that to a person, but i digress. the manager looked all tense and stuff, so we are going to go back to see him tomorrow at a better time. then we cruised over to club med world, which is a crazy place. the restaurant's tables are tiered like seats in a movie theater (which is what the building used to be, a gorgeous one) and people can trapeze and rockclimb as entertainment for those eating. it was tres francais, but the tourists will be english and so i left my resume.

but i have left out the best! in between my phone call from billy and my shower and sergio calling, there was another call. it was from the guy at the editing subtitles for movies and closed-captions place, to set up an interview with me for friday. oh nellie, i want that gig. i was so happy to talk to him, and so enthusiastic, and i made the guy laugh a bunch of times which will hopefully make me stand out a bit from the other applicants. i asked him his name: how's this for a good omen: 'ed or eddie' he says. i smiled huge. cross your fingers for me. he said the interview will be three hours, because they will kind of test my english right then. so i told him i am so anal about the language, and went on my intents and purposes vs intensive purposes rant. he laughed. woo!

i was so bummed they hadnt called me. i thought i was so good for that position. turns out it aint over yet.

more surprise goodness: i found three bulbs to replace all three burned out bulbs in my apartment. let there be light! breathe easy toby, it ain't the projects here just yet.

on the way home sergio asked me if i wanted to catch a flick with him tonight. i said 'dude i have step class.' he was like ok, some other time, and maybe we can have dinner first. i was like 'so basically a date night'. which is fabulous especially when you know what i do: sergio is married and has two kids. he feels kind of trapped by his life though, and at work it was a freedom from that, and now we dont have the work lifeline anymore. so its not that he's trying to get play from me (though he wouldnt turn it down, he's a dog) its that he needs an outlet that he isnt contracted to by law.

he told me this place he is workin at gets a lot of film/tv crew people in at lunch. one woman told him about this show she works on that was picked up: like a dating story, where a guy and a girl meet on a blind date on camera...except with onliine-romances where the people have yet to meet in person. the camera follows them on their first meeting, and the show pays for them to hook up. DAMN, that is so my story, three times over! why didnt i think of this genius tv show??? strike one: jeremy, strike two: nick, strike three: joe, and i'm out. people that agree are somewhat crazy tho. i mean, ok the trip is free and you get to meet someone you love (or think you love). but meeting under the internet circumstances is so intense to begin with, when you know a person so well except for how they breathe and walk and smell and look and chew etc...its exciting and scary and fun and at once both comfortable and awkward as hell...but to do it on camera??? multiply all that by infinity with a world of added pressure. too much.

they are lookin for people though. know anyone in e-love? write me and i'll see if i can hook it up. meanwhile, that show should hire me as a fucking topic specialist. i know whats up with that whole scene, more than i ever wanted to. not to bash it in the least: jeremy, nick and joe all are incredibly special and beautiful people and i wouldnt trade my experiences with any of them for anything. i just want someone around here who i can bum around with and see when i want to see and not have to miss someone all the time. missing someone sucks.

so yeah. i've moved on from pearl jam boys in far away cities to local marrieds. what a successful love life. don't be jealous.
i say that and smile, i'm laughing at myself. this is not self pity depression mode in the least. i dont know quite how i got here, or what it took, because i do spend most of my time alone and am out of work, but its inarguable: i am happy. yay! =))

but i am also pissed off. (ha, that happiness thing really lasted eh?) where the hell was judging amy tonight?? i don't want back to back episodes of stupid will and annoying grace in its place. gimme a rerun if there's nothing new for crying out loud. ho-well. its just the boob tube.

when i got back all i wanted to do was laze about and be tired. but nooo. its tuesday and tuesday means step and i knew i would hate myself if i didnt go and alex said to go sweat and that sounded good so i did. and im glad i did. it was a new teacher and she knew what she was doing and it was a good workout. which basically sucked out the last of any good energy i had for the day. not to mention that i walked there and back in the brisk fall night. no, i'm not just being poetic: it really is a brisk fall night. downright cold even.

on my way back i walked through the park, in an unlit section, in the dark. it was too early for Bad Things to happen, so i felt pretty safe and was enjoying the fall smell of leaves and that it-smells-like-burning-but-nothing's-on-fire smell when out of nowhere something was pushing against me and shocked me out of my state, and when i looked down to see a brown pitbull wagging crazily i was less than pleased...no owner to be seen, and did i mention PITBULL? but the dog was totally just frisky and friendly and nice, and then a little black dog bounded out of nowhere too and i got to play with them for a bit before their owner called them away and apologized. i said 'no the dogs are great, they just scared the crap out of me.' thats what i get for walking alone in the park after dark.

and that pretty much sums it all up, yo. ran into warren and talked with him for like a minute. he was genuinely surprised to see me, thinking i had gone for like 3 weeks or something. i was like 'dude, i been home since the 26th'. obviously me and warren need to get our shit together.

and speaking of that, i'm out. no staying up into the wee hours for me tonight. you are all doing a hella good job with those 'find a sweet ass job' vibes. keep em coming. mama like.

merry tuesday to all, and to all a free flight.

one love, the dream i see.
xo

jess, toby, alex: you guys suck. i dont have a job and i barely speak to anyone or do anything all day long and i still gots more to say than you lame-o's. i've had to turn to spades to fulfill my brain waves. come on man(s). get with the program.

anita. coil. rich. you dirty bastards need to get with the blog action. or a livejournal. or a pita. just something for the love of peanut butter and jam. I NEED READIN. i'm gettin a little nutbar here on the unemployment front.

cue regular readers: GETTIN a LITTLE nutbar??

radiohead is telling me: 'you do it to yourself, you do, just you and noone else.' no. they are wrong. its you guys. =)

so yeah. tonight how about lets not talk about new york. some things are too fucked up and beyond belief or comprehension. incredible, but not in the good way. duh. its super eerie considering the experience i described just yesterday in here. so sad. onward.

somehow i managed another fulfilling day. i think i owe most of this to the gel my mom gave me. i mean, the power of a good hair day is not to be underestimated. this gel rocks the casbah hardcore. at anita's the other night my bangs were fucking making me crazy, all in my eyes and such. but this gel took care of that. made me pleased with my too long locks. i will name it so i can blame it: thermasilk extra control shine gel.

so me and my good hair searched the job ads and called a bunch of places and set up two appointments at restaurants tomorrow. then me and my good hair put on some lip stuff (what is this world coming to!) and headed out into the bitch ass cold up to laurier. i applied at what my dad told me was a busy joint, but the waitresses there all looked like they were named bertha (nothin wrong with that) and as though they were born smoking with their hair in a bun. not to mention the kelly green skirts and matching vests over white blouse with green stripes and odd scarf tie thing at the neck. um, not. but just down the block a new bistro type place is opening and tho he is fully staffed right now hopefully someone wont work out and he will call me. he seemed to like that i live close. not to mention the blow job i gave him in the back. WHO SAID THAT? surely not me shirley.

bought some turtle food and a good cat hair remover. bought 2 for 1 pizza, and shouldnt have. but did so oh well. and now im so thirsty its insane. salt much? that solves your mystery jess. its the pizza.

made plans to go around to all these places with serge tomorrow, finally. after two weeks of just saying we'll do it. i mean business now. i dont like counting every nickel and watching it all dwindle away. i did remember that the reason that check isnt coming in the mail is cuz im getting it direct deposit. oops, someone's a natural blonde (on the inside). but its still not been deposited so really its the same situation: the government sucks. but when i get the check i will change my song.

i had an enjoyable tv evening: friends, boston public, raymond, nypd blue (while taping third watch to fall asleep to) and then letterman. i am such a tv ho now. last year at this time i don't think i watched at all. now i have a schedule every night. but none of it sucks, its all pretty quality shit. so that's good. it was so fun to have letterman back...he is so funny and had that bastard from survivor silas on. but dave made silas stay at the deli and interviewed him there, and dave obviously doenst watch survivor, so it was funny. tho i felt bad for silas being in nyc today, and having to fly home to LA. must be scary shit.

apart from that i did some work on the old puzzle which is getting down to the crunch and every piece left looks the same and its gonna be a nightmare to finish it. and when you factor in some back pain and the fact that two bulbs are burnt in my living room fixture and i dont wanna pay for new ones (no, but pizza was a good idea, what priorities) it makes it all the more difficult to get it done. but i shall and then its all about my secret crafty project.

can anyone tell me why the puzzle is called mad dogs?? anyone? i love the image, the ocean..all of it, its so gentle and peaceful and poetic. so why a name like mad dogs? i'm sure if i researched it i could find out why. then again, its 3 in the morning and i still have third watch to watch.

so on that note, over and out. keep up with the good job score vibes, i need em. and do like the chalkboard in my kitchen says: LIVE. because we never know.

earlier michael jackson funked me up so that i had to get up from my online spades game and dance to thriller. now ani is doin it and im chair rocking it out. but yeah, what was i saying about getting offa here?

one love y'all. i'll find my way from wrong. whats real? the dream i see.
xo

first of all allow me to apologize if the banner ad above is those annoying three ducks scuttling about. shooting them is a rather tempting idea. ha, spoken like a true vegetarian. i guess they're better than that terrorist weirdness one they have.

so yeah. raise your hand if you slept more than 11 hours and woke up at 4pm.
whats the matter? not confident, confident, dry and secure?
what a life.

tomorrow i am calling 4 waitering places. i am sending a resume to a synogogue to be a rabbi's receptionist. for some reason 'creative writing' is in the job description. fitting, no? organized religion = work of fiction = creative writing. somehow with that attitude i dont see me getting this job. but if i did my parents would *plutz*. =)

i thought getting up as late as i did would mean my day would be void of anything other than sitting. but i got productive (after two games of spades) and did some organizing around here, and some work on my crafts project. it got COLD but im not putting on my heat. i cant justify paying for it right now, when i have no income. if the damned government doesnt send my damn money tomorrow im gonna go bananas. it was a relaxing day. i didnt come down on myself for not going out or writing anything. it was sunday.

adam called. as soon as he did i knew that meant he was coming for a visit, which is cool because of two words: expense account. mmm free dinner. i am ready. not to mention free movie, he owes me one. plus its just so fun to goof around with him. we know each other so well, we can't bullshit each other in the least and always wind up laughing alot.

i'm in the mood for hot cereal. do any of you call it hot cereal? i bet most of you call it oatmeal or something. dudes, yer all wrong. its hot cereal. best with margarine in it so it gets all melty and makes margarine rivers on top, and brown sugar and a splash of milk. which i dont have, but that would be best. i'm gonna make some.

hot cereal. that was always a mom option for breakfast. but my favorite was baby eggs. she is coming to montreal at the end of this month, and likely going to stay with me. thats a first. she usually stays in town at a friend's. we have made progress. anyway, maybe i can swing some baby eggs out of her when she's here. yummmmmm. when my kitchen gets more and more bare of food, the more and more i think about food. funny how that is.

baby eggs:
soft boil two eggs.
butter two pieces of bread, then rip them into small pieces in a bowl.
pour soft boiled eggs over bread, add some salt, and stir.

mmm. it makes me warm inside just remembering it. i havent had any in ages. i wish my mom had email. i would write her right now and ask her to start practicing. not that thats exactly a difficult recipe. try it, i swear, its so yummy. insodoing you will also be tasting a wee bit of my childhood. 30 years old and still the baby wanting her eggs. more proof that numbers are representative of nothing, unless you are buying donuts.

exciting news: i will now be able to watch letterman again!! and without paying for cable! wooo! i bet i could have seen jack black last week, if only i had known. i only found out yesterday, and i have no clue how long it was available to me. regardless: suh-weet. i have missed letterman like a mofo. it could only be better if they would hook me up with conan or jon stewart to follow. craig kilborn is ok, but i dont love him. once again tho, woooo!!!! letterman!

the other night i had the good sense to videotape the shawshank redemption. i woke up at 11 this morning to pee, and just as i did my computer started making that loud whirring fan noise again. i shut it down. when i lay back down this airplane went by overhead, and it was just a wee bit too loud. the cats stiffened. i sat right up. it was totally disconcerting. i was awake but felt exhausted. so i watched an hour of shawshank. what a great movie. next thing i knew, it was 4 pm. when i came and turned on my computer it made the same whirring sound. it kinda stopped a bit when i kicked it. here is a comparison ratio to represent my 'fixing' the computer.
me : computer repair person what homer simpson : computer repair person. not to mention i have started using the word donut profusely in the last 24 hours.

aw fuck a duck. i forgot to water the plants. yes! a new mission for tomorrow.

i remember something about last night's talking. anita told me that she and j mop once a month, approximately. marni said she and dave do it once a WEEK. i was like: dudes, i do it like once a YEAR. i hate mopping, its such a pain. but anita pointed out the real pain is the pre-mopping-pre-sweep and i realized she was right (don't tell her!). so i feel like pigpen from peanuts all of a sudden, when usually i am quite content to be lucy. does this mean i will be mopping this week? maybe. it always smells good after i do, and cuts down on the cat hair. i hope one day i have enough cash for a maid service. my place is big. and dusty. it needs a team. =) and i don't especially want to be on that team.

what id really like is to paint. i want to make my kitchen red and bright. i want to wash my ceilings (which are way high) in the kitchen and bathroom too, and then paint those too. huge job. needa da moolah. i want i want i want. but i love my house. i dont really plan on leaving it. not anytime soon.

my left shoulder blade, like the entire thing below the shoulder, is hurting. yesterday it was the right. i dont dig it. gonna call leo, see if he will come oil me up and work it out. which sounds a lot dirtier than it will be. i look at leo and i see liza minelli. his eyebrows are picture perfect. but i digress.

so yeah. happy neil young day. november 11th. rememberance day, and neil's birthday.

so many neil songs i want to use to go out on: hey hey, the cripple creek ferry...so fun to sing. or mirrorball for pearl jam content. or crime in the city for the 'tho my home is broken its the only home i've ever known' line that comforted me when i was in vancouver post parental divorce....don't let it bring you down because of its delicate beauty and how much i loved hearing it covered in american beauty, conveying such nervous tenderness....heart of gold for its campfire goodness (and for how it rings so true to how i feel)...i'm the ocean is too obvious...im going through his song list at hyperrust.org and god he just has too many beautiful touching songs, and so many cool rock out tunes, and i'm only at *L*. he is Neil. he gets a capital.

i know. i will leave you with my favorite, and then follow it with the song Neil played for the world at bridge this year. it needs no explanation. as for the first song, i think i have been that girl. its so pretty. and it gives me strength because even though its sad for her, she is noble and soft. and it makes me able to look back on some stuff and not be hurt by it, i dont know. who can explain in words the things a song makes them feel? maybe cameron crowe. not me.

Though the river flows
Gently to the sea
He was on the shore
Rooted like a tree
She was here and there
Riding on the waves
Through it all she heard his call
And gave it all she gave.

And though their love
was hangin' on a limb
She taught him how to dance
and start again
And though their love
was hangin' on a limb
She taught him how to dance.

And when the melody
Through the window called
It echoed in the courtyard
And whispered in the halls
He played it through the night
She knew he had to go
There was something about freedom
He thought he didn't know.

And though their love
was hangin' on a limb
She taught him how to dance
and start again
And though their love
was hangin' on a limb
She taught him how to dance.

Though the river flowed
Gently to the sea
He was on the shore
Rooted like a tree
She was here and there
Riding on the waves
Through it all she heard his call
And gave it all she gave.

And though their love
was hangin' on a limb
She taught him how to dance.

that was for me. this is for all of everyone.

Oh, Mother Earth,
With your fields of green
Once more laid down
by the hungry hand
How long can you
give and not receive
And feed this world
ruled by greed
And feed this world
ruled by greed.

Oh, ball of fire
In the summer sky
Your healing light,
your parade of days
Are they betrayed
by the men of power
Who hold this world
in their changing hands
They hold the world
in their changing hands.

Oh, freedom land
Can you let this go
Down to the streets
where the numbers grow
Respect Mother Earth
and her giving ways
Or trade away
our children's days
Or trade away
our children's days.

Respect Mother Earth
and her giving ways
Or trade away
our children's days.

happy bday young neil. welcome to the week everyone. send me 'find a hot job' vibes. one love, the dream i see.

i ate something today that i would bet none of you have ever eaten before in your lives. most of you wouldnt even dream it:

a huge chocolate donut that is stuffed with heavenly hash ice cream in the center.

this was not a segal creation; this was from the menstrual mind of my dear friend: anita.

tonight was trivial pursuit night over at her place. it was my first time in their pad since i don't know when, a ridiculously long time. because of lenny, mac and eevee's estranged and strange sibling, who likes to attack me for whatever reason. we figured since he was fixed it would be a good time to test out if he mellowed. he sort of has. he only hissed at me once with his ears back, when i opened the bathroom door. he was there waiting for me, cornering me, all up in my face. i made anita come get him.

the game of trivial never ended so there was no winner. me, anita, sue (who works with anita and has for a long time) and marni (a tattoo artist friend who just overlapped into anita's world via our friend pam and her husband dave who knows j and yatta yatta) gabbed it up and laughed a bunch. it was super fun and great to be out. we listened to neil diamond and sloan, paul mccartney and gorillaz. kind of an eclectic mix. good stuff.

i wish i could remember specific things we were laughin at. maybe if i focused i could, but i feel too tired to focus. besides, my eyes are burning from all the smoke. winter = closed windows (even tho it is kind of mild right now, as it tends to be when it snows, which it did, but melty rain snow) and closed windows = smoke filled rooms when 3 out of 4 girlies make with the cigarettes. i wasnt tempted or jonesing to smoke, but i was conscious that everyone smoked but me and i used to. if i wanted it to it was only for a minute. its been 9 months. if i didnt do it after flying i dont think i'll ever really need to again. hoorah.

marni and i bonded over things that drive us crazy, yay another psycho -anal english speaker: intents AND purposes. supposEDly. BUCK naked. nip it in the BUD. and yes toby, fuckING a. maybe tomorrow anita will remind me what we were laughing about and then i can write about it in the next blog. probably just silly stuff. more than probably.

i did have a moment of enlightenment:
ashtray in french is cendrier (that is likely misspelled, and pronounced sawndree-ay) but i never thought about why. then it all bubbled up in chatter: cinderella was po', ashes = cinders, cinders = cendrier. cool. i love finding the roots of words. eez coo.

i decided before i went over there that it would be smart to bring lenny some cat treats so i could buy his love. so i went to the kitchen to get the bag of treats that i keep in the cupboard, but i couldnt find it. this was nothing new, because they can both open the doors and have knocked the bag down before. but i could find it nowhere. and then i noticed it out of the corner of my eye: a very empty ziploc on the counter with a big hole chewed or clawed into it. the bastards got the whole thing and ate every last one. i hope it was both of them, otherwise i am sure to have one sick kitty on my hands. what gluttons.

ha. the girl who ate a donut stuffed with ice cream is calling someone else a glutton. takes one to know one i guess.

so thanks anita, it was a swell night. as all nights in the company of thou are. or most anyway. =)

as for my day, it was rather leisurely, but included zero puzzle doing. i played some word racer and spades online, and i see myself spending a lot of time in the ol yahoo games room, because newsflash: games are fun! and i love love love spades. as a beginner to the online spades world i am frustrated because i have to play with beginners because i have no points to my ranking. so if i go into the intermediate level, or the advanced, the other players boot me because they assume that i am a novice, not someone who's been playing for a decade. oh well. i'll hustle them all.

my eyes are burning. i can even smell the smoke on me. ha, i am such a nonsmoker now. and it hasnt been so long that i have forgotten how annoying non smokers are with their little 'i can smell the smoke on me' comments. who knew that it was true?

anita wanted to lend marni a book, so we wound up naming all these potential titles. all these books rock the house should you need a book:
a prayer for owen meany
bridget jones' diary
alias grace
even cowgirls get the blues
girlfriend in a coma
then again
rule of the bone
the handmaid's tale

i wanted to link pages where i list every concert i've been to, and all the books i have read, and have never gotten around to it. really gotta get on that. riiiight. maybe i can teach myself html and get my free space at info-internet going. then i could have graphics! and lists! and links! oh my! graphics and lists and links, oh my! graphics and lists and links...see caryn, i still got oz on the brain.

i didnt have one proper meal today. blech. sooo much junky stuff. the healthiest thing i ate were apple slivers at anita's. no, it was the donut.

i wanted to go to the sunday step class, at 10:15...and post my nutritious intake really should. but did i mention its at 10:15? in the morning? sh-yeah. but i am gonna hop out of here in a sec and set the alarm and chill on the couch and try my hardest and bestest to be there. just because i always have so much fun doing step. and feel so good after.

marni said her next tattoo is gonna have the liberty bell in it, because nothing is more important to her than freedom. as soon as she said it i thought 'i will feel alive as long as i am free' but didn't mention it because well...i'm enough of a pearl jam freak that i don't need to go dropping song quotes semi randomly.

but i'm gonna exit on that, the fabuloso ending to grievance, in the face of the two month anniversary of our way of life changing. because i don't have enough moolah to throw a pizza party against terrorism (if you saw snl, you know thats funny shit. otherwise it probably sounds in poor taste which it very well may be). so enjoy your weekend. and don't get a cat. get a dog.

i wanna breathe...part of the scene....i wanna taste everyone i see...i wanna run when i'm up high, i wanna run to the sea, yeah i just want life to be...i just wanna be, please let me be, oh i will feel alive as long as i am free.

one love. nighty night. that dream, i see.