habit

pretty peggy-o

i must give credit where credit is due. the last paragraph in coil's most recent blog is hilarious. i was just laughing very hard reading it. do yourself the favor.

get things rollin with the friday four, courtesy of miss jess, whose siblings have clearly lost it. actually, its ridiculous how big a fan i am of that family. even when my parents were still married me and my bro were totally at each other's throats. when my parents split up, i only regained faith in love and marriage from one edward vedder and beth liebling. well, that didnt work out either and i was pretty crushed. and then i got to know jess, and through this crazy beast of the internet, her family too...and they are a beautiful thing. her sister is my idol. she will tell it like it is, no matter what. that kicks ass.

but how i ever do digress. digress rhymes with jess, who like my dad is illin' large. sucks to be them.

so yeah.

1. What's your favorite vacation spot?
my favorite vacation spot is wherever i can get. an hour out of montreal is an area called the laurentians which is country. in the other direction are the eastern townships, same thing. a country house with a fireplace, that'll do me. i've been to acapulco twice, that was a party. but my absolute favorite vacation spot is wherever pearl jam is onstage.

2. Where do you consider to be the biggest hell-hole on earth?
i dont like this question. im not going to rip apart less fortunate areas...i dont even really know what this question means. i think hell on earth is the middle east, because they took this ancient beautiful land and have turned it into a giant murder scene....i guess a hell hole is wherever rednecks run free to spread their ignorance and are the majority. i wouldnt want to be there.

3. What would be your dream vacation?
the dream destination has always been australia. the great barrier reef, the rainforest, the wildlife...the beautiful people. canadians and australians share a certain kinship..but thats a bonus. australia was my dream destination long before i ever knew that. its so far away, and so...perfect. toss in a certain 5 member band and its utopia. its easy for canadians to get temporary work visas over there too...

4. If you could go on a road-trip with anyone, who would it be and why?
is going almost famous style on a tour bus with a certain 5 member band a viable response to this question? i guess not. i LOVE road tripping, even if its just me in the car. i'll go with just about anyone who shares my taste in music and isnt an anal map person or clock person. and i'll go anywhere. i love the long haul. its the journey, not the destination.

today more than anything else was about 4 songs. brokenhearted. you're true. thumbin my way. can't keep. these are the new songs ed played on tuesday, already available to my ears. gotta LOVE the internet. a favorite pearl jam ritual of mine....when i hear a new song, even if i have the lyric book...i sit down in front of my stereo (today it was my pc) and plug in the headphones...and go word by word through the song, writing out the lyrics by hand. this is such a huge pleasure in life. im not particularly good at it...i remember back in the day anita used to be much better at deciphering ed mumblings than me. for example, today i mistook 'mind and shout' for 'pregnant shout'. i knew it was wrong, but that was the best i could do, much to sheri's amusement. cough*ho*cough.

i love these songs. lyrically, musically...even though its mostly just ed and the ukelele (one song is guitar)...they are beautiful, simple, personal, dark...oh they are good. can't keep has the feel of someone trying to run away from something, trying to get away, feeling caught in a trap...and it totally reminds me of zeppelin's the battle of evermore. thumbin my way to me is like an offshoot of long road, where the character in the song is singing FROM the long road, which is amazing. brokenhearted is sad so sad and pretty. you're true at first i kind of shrugged off as being a combo of soon forget and thin air...though its growing on me. its got a more playful feel than the others. its the happiest of the songs, and im not sure ed is totally comfortable behind the pen with happiness at the wheel.

if this entry winds up lacking in content i will put the lyrics in. but im thinking its better you just go get the songs yourself (you know the way to 5h) and plug in the headphones and see where they take you.

i went down to old montreal today to get my 3 hours and my missing 7.7 hours from that total jackass power trip lazy manager that all the other managers make fun of. god i hate him. he is the only reason i dont campaign to work at that store...i could never work with him. and his name is edmund. how dare he tack bad karma to the name ed! anyway he made me wait at least a half hour before he took his lazy ass downstairs to the office and reappeared with my check. and OF COURSE he hadnt straightened out the missing hours, so i had to call and do it myself. which i just should have done from the getgo back in DECEMBER. what a lazy shit he is.

but i did get to talk to julie, and the head dudes were there and they know me from the mall now, and so i talked with them for a bit and it looks like it could actually be a go as of thursday...he told me to call on monday and see about going in to help set up and do trial runs and get the food all organized, sounds fun. i cant wait to get in there, and be in the building with kelcey and the movie theater...its just gonna be so good. and they made a change...we can wear jeans instead of black pants. kind of cool. BUT they want us to wear this specific white shirt...a MAN"s shirt. i was like 'look joe, i have TWO things here that most men do NOT have, and these shirts are just going to look weird' but he is saying no. james is our actual manager. im thinking we'll be in the shirts we want within oh, 4 days of opening.

james is a cop. he decided to do this instead of that. montreal is upside down right now because yesterday a 29 year old cop, father of two, was shot and killed in what should have been a normal procedure, stopping a car at a light or something. three or four guys got out of the car and ran, so this cop and his partner got out and gave chase. guns appeared and there was shooting. the punks got off i think 4 shots...and the cops got off 9...and missed every one. the cop that died was hit in the leg, the shoulder, and the chest. he was wearing a bullet proof vest, but he died anyway. horrible. there's a picture of the guy who did the shooting. he is a white 24 year old kid. what a moron. he is dead. his life is over. hey kid, was it worth it?? are you a big tough guy now?

it infuriated me when i saw his picture today. i was expecting a hardened criminal, a biker...but this was just a guy. did he think it was cops and robbers and the bullets wouldnt kill? such disrespect of life, not just the cop's but his own. sickening. they are going to find him, and they are going to beat the shit out of him, and he will be dead within the year one way or another. and he fucking signed up for it. what can you say?

after that ordeal at the restaurant i went to the mall, all the way out there, to get my second to last check from them. i called in advance to tell them i was coming, even. i get there and...the manager is out. the office is locked. even if someone had the key, my check would be in the freaking safe. can you say wasted time? i knew you could. i did pick up cough drops and nose drops for my sick ol dad though, so it wasnt a total wash. and back i go tomorrow. maybe i can score free breakfast out of it. im thinking: no.

home alone on a friday night. i feel torn about this. on one hand it would be great if my phone rang and someone had some suggestion of something fun to do..id probably be into it, but it doesnt bum me out that that didnt happen. it doesnt make me happy...but i am happy. i still wish it had rung though. on the other hand, i have absolutely not a penny to spend frivolously right now. its all about paying my rent before the tenth of march, as per the law. and its going to be tight. im not going to stress it. im going to work long hours at the new place, hopefully do two rushes a day and bring in some coin, so if i need a parental loan i know it will soon be paid off. am i lonely? i dont even know. i feel ok. i dont feel bored or depressed or like im missing out on something. but i feel like maybe i should be. maybe i should be more active in seeking activity, or people to participate in activities with. why am i so damned content? it doesnt add up and its kind of weird.

speaking of kind of weird, let me introduce you all to sue. suzette as i call her seems to have snuck a blog by me, up until now. sue works with anita and likes boys with dimples, and is more creative than you. she bakes, she make ups, she makes colorful and original things of her hair and her cookies and her skin. most importantly, i like sue. she makes fun of me and i let her because i think she could prolly take me in a fight, so really what choice do i have. teach her how to put an email link on her site, wouldja? she's driving me bananas. =)

commercial for the re-release of ET on the tv. ET. what a magical time that was. its been TWENTY years. my bubby has been dead for that long, then. she died the day i saw that movie in the theaters. it makes me shake my head. where does the time go? i was just a little girl then. it makes me sad for my dad. i'm gonna shake this topic off.

this has actually turned into an entry of substance. surprising. it was a very non eventful day. i talked to lots of people online, some for alot, one in particular for not enough. i used to hate when people called me stephie. i still do. but there's one person im kind of missing hearing it from. who'd a thunk it.

last night when i started harold and maude for the second time i fell asleep before dont be shy even ended. its now two days late. not good. i still have the video for 8/20/98 to watch from jess, and the mix tape coil made for me too. i also want to watch the first pj show i ever saw, at lolla again...i was asked to write that experience up, and if i could relive three days in my life that would absolutely without hesitation be one of them, because i so want to remember it better, especially the pearl jam part. it was such a significant turning point in my life, that day...all because of music. amazing. i should write it up, but i dont want to fill in the blanks with fiction, so i gotta get to remembering it again. luckily i was there with three other ladies (am i ever using that term loosely) and maybe they can jump start my memory.

i just scratched my back with a papermate pen.

coil is bitching for my update. im gonna cut on out of here. first i will say that toby has included a convo he and i had earlier today. and i want to out him because IT IS INCOMPLETE. he completely ditched the part where i nail him for spelling potato with a frickin E at the end. that clown leaves out the top comedy, tho me talking to myself is pretty amusing too. at least to me.

i will include my favorite lyrics of the four songs, at least for the moment: thumbin my way:

i have not been home since you left long ago
i'm thumbin my way back to heaven
counting the steps walking backwards on the road
counting my way back to heaven
i can't be free with what's locked inside of me
there's no wrong or right, but im sure there's good and bad
though (our questions) linger overhead
*no matter how cold the winter there's a springtime ahead*
i'm thumbing my way back to heaven
i wish that i could hold you...i wish that i had
thinking bout heaven
i let go of the road (role?) thinking thats what held me back
and in time i realized its not wrapped around my neck
i can't see whats next, from this lonely overpass
hang my head and count my steps as another car goes past.
i turned my back, now theres no turning back mmmmmm
*all the rusted signs we ignore throughout our lives choosing the shiny ones
instead*
*no matter how cold the winter theres a springtime ahead*
id smile but who am i kidding
im just walking the miles, every once in awhile i'll get a ride
im thumbing my way back to heaven
im thumbing my way back to heaven
im thumbing my way back to heaven

one love, the dream i see.
i think this closing line is going to be changing very soon.
=)

my dear old dad is back in town. poor guy got in the car and collapsed in the seat and said 'im so sick.' its all dry out west and he is coughing like a mofo and sniffly and miserable. at least he doesnt have to work tomorrow and then its the weekend, so he'll get all better and stuff. when i was waiting for him to walk out of the airport (where the damn parking elf made me circle like 15 times with less than a quarter tank of gas) i saw *two* olympic atheletes come home, one of them with flowers, and the other with a huge bouquet of red and white balloons. if it wasnt so cold i would have gone out to see who and possibly thank them and congratulate them, but it was so cold, so instead i just watched.

so im listening to crowded house (courtesy of t). when i was 15 or 16 'dont dream its over' was my favorite song, and i was at pine valley and i loved me some craig str....well we dont need his full name. anyway we had a social in the rec hall and he danced with me to that song. im sitting here shaking my head remembering. i remember exactly where we were in the rec hall, which way i was facing, and i would bet on the fact he was wearing a white shirt. it was...it was wow. what a warm n fuzzy memory.

the most significant portion of my day today came when i was reading the free weekly, waiting for step class to start. i had all this extra time to read because i didnt go return my movies like i was supposed to GODAMMIT. i dont mind paying late fees for quality stuff, like billy elliot and harold and maude (which opens with dont be shy...i mean, this has been a favorite of mine since i saw it in san fran in 97...but its even better now) but to pay extra for fricking dracula 2000? was i cracksmoking when i rented that?

so yeah, back to the mirror. ron jeremy is on the cover. most of you will know who that is. if you dont...go do a google search. im thinking you'll come back with some interesting sites to check out. anyway. page 5. im just going to type it out. it made me all teary. what the fuck did we do to this planet:

a study released this week by universite de montreal researchers say belugas (whose favorite whale isnt the beluga? get your head checked--ed aka me) swimming in the lower st laurence have the highest rates of cancer of any animals (after humans) on earth. an estimated 27% of the whales suffer from cancer, most likely caused by carcinogens emitted from aluminum plants on the saguenay estuary. researchers got their findings by studying the 129 dead belugas washed ashore between 1983 and 1999. the number of the st lawrence belugas, once in the thousands, now stands at about *650*.

650. thats fucking head shaking news. i cant think of anything to even say. you want to cry for them. if whale song wasnt all the way over there in the other room, i would put it on.

page 10. an article about a family of 4, 2 young girls and parents my age who lost everything in that fire last week that was 3 blocks away. everything. just last night i was complaining about how im unhappy with my situation at present to a friend...and i read this article and realize i am such an ingrate. the government is telling them they make too much money to qualify for a fund to help people in their situation, meanwhile they have none of their baby clothes, food, furniture...nothing. wherever they are being put up right now their daughter sleeps on a pillow.

who the hell was i to complain? they didnt leave a number to get in touch with to help these people, but i was seriously considering offering them my place. i have two extra bedrooms, furnished, with *beds*. and i would love having a baby to play with...and it might make a big difference to them. tomorrow im going to call the paper and see if they can hook me up with them somehow.

page 27. toby emailed me yesterday (or today?) to say that he heard alanis' new song, and that it made him think of ani so he might buy the new record. i heard the song too, and its ok...but ani!! lets not get carried away. the reviewer on page 27 NAILED why alanis irks me:

'the good news is that alanis's loathsome vocal flailing has abated. slightly. and the radio-tailored innocuousness of this self produced 3rd album---or 4th, counting her "under rug swept" paula-abdul-rox debut--will help soften the blow of radio bombardment that awaits us. but all this acceptable banality only emphasizes alanis's 'healing and empowering' lyrics, each song crammed with more brutally simple self analysis than oprah's book club. of course most artist's work functions as therapy, but when its this obvious, colorless and self important, she really should pay us for the privilege.

what was it i said in the email, toby? that ani is real, and alanis is....in a gap commercial? =)

finally, page 32 has the interview with ron jeremy. and a photo of him with brad pitt, another with jay leno, and another of him boning some dame while sucking on her toes. hot? not.

the best news was page 34...there is a movie called 'grateful dawg' that is playing at the little rep theater down the street, and its a rockumentary (hahaha what a silly word) on jerry garcia and david grisman, as filmed by grisman's daughter. i CANNOT WAIT to see it, rent money or not. its only playing for like three days. i miss jerry and all that his being alive branched off to aka joy and shows. the world is so much less without him.

speak of joy and shows....it has begun once more. SURVIVOR!!!! in step class the song by destiny's child came on, and i got all up in it...because of jill sobule i really love that song now, and i was super turbo hyped because of the show tonight. and it did not disappoint. the tribe that went to tribal council...they have this ho named sarah who struts her implants in a bikini all day and who is leading construction worker robert around by his dick already. she shoulda been booted...i bet she goes next council for that tribe..but instead they sentenced peter, the weirdo who talked about the body's 7 holes. but it was so great...this chick gina refused to have a tribe wide meeting on who to boot out, the way lex had it going last time, and so when they went to the vote it was exciting cuz we didnt know who was gonna get booted. so much better.

not to mention marquesas is absolutely gorgeous. so far i like all their personalities, the teacher from harlem is cool, but weird cuz of his whole jesus trip...its gonna be good. as long as sarah is next to meet the axe.

i had a thought while driving to the gym. if you shun someone for chilling with a ceo...yet at the same time clearly find working class type employment pathetic, then what kind of job is respectable? there must be a nice view from a glass house.

what do i want to listen to? crowded house ended like 45 minutes ago, and ive just been sitting here with the headphones on. hrm. outkast? no, the used ben folds five disc i bought like two weeks ago and still havent listened to. 'naked baby photos' where ben is on the cover wearing his appetite for destruction baby blue tshirt. a track on this album is called 'for those of y'all who wear fannie packs.' how do you not love ben folds? haha so far its just them saying 'goddam, shit yeah its cool'. its a rap song. with a piano. oh they kill me. ben folds five and sloan have the same nerdcoolcomedymusicalgenius thing happening. i heart heart heart them both.

there is a photograph on alex's site. it is the most beautiful thing i've seen in a very long time. its the kind of picture that makes you understand where the saying 'a picture is worth a thousand words' came from. in this case, ten thousand. love, life, trust, long roads...its all there. its beautiful. go look at it. thats all that matters, right there.

one love.
the dream i see.
comes in like a lion. goes out like a lamb.

posted by s**  # 1:08 AM

gonna have to start with some ugliness. but look, its my journal and if i feel like airing my dirty laundry, i can. and so fuck it. i had this all typed out in code, but what the hell for. its my life.

when you are like me you are kind of naive, you give people the benefit of the doubt, and you want everyone to like you and be your friend. as a result, you wind up sharing yourself with people who never deserved your time in the first place.

yesterday i criticized a pearl jam site. turns out it belongs to a friend of brad's, so he sends me this long email about 200 different things, and i answer it. there is no reply to my email. i see him on IM later and talk to him. he gives me a one word reply and then vanishes, tho he appears to still be there. my paranoid mind tells me: god, he's not talking to me anymore.

i see kyle is online who tells me that brad went out to eat. i tell kyle i am relieved, because thats probably all it is, brad isnt there. kyle asks if i want him to say something to brad. i say no, i'll talk to him myself. i go on about how it makes more sense that he's out, but if he did write me off becuase of a criticism of a website then it wouldnt really be a loss to me, yknow? and it wouldnt, because that would be the careless disposal of a friend over nothing. i didnt think brad was that way at all, but i am paranoid and i hate when people are upset with me...so i was preparing myself for being hurt, just in case.

kyle decided it was his place to go ahead and show that to brad. gee, thanks kyle, arent we trustworthy. of course, this upsets brad who is hurt and disregards the context. he shows my own words to kyle back to me, and says bye, and vanishes. i tell kyle off, who seems to be completely ignorant of any responsibility in the situation, and who laughs when i suggest he has a hand in it. i say 'stop messaging me kyle. enjoy your laughter.' which of course he reveals to the person i thought was my friend, brad, who says the following, and kyle spits it out, like his puppet:

BowlinBrad: 'enjoy your waitress job'

this from a person who i sent TWO emails to, hoping to explain my comment, shaking because i knew my words had hurt him, tho they were never meant for his eyes.

well. doesnt that just speak volumes about the person who said it. brad, i thought of you as a remarkably smart and funny guy. you thought: waitress. anybody with half a brain and a heart doesnt look at someone and see their job. people are more than their jobs. not that there is anything dirty or crooked about waitressing. its an honest living. you are cruel and condascending (with absolutely no justification i might add), and quite plainly you can go fuck your shallow self.

so. onwards and upwards, shall we?

i am delinquent. i skipped my class tonight. i squeaked out my assignment by recreating a phone conversation i had with my father and pretending it was one i observed as per the assignment's requirements. anita was cool enough to drop it off for me at my class, saying i was sick. yes, very ill. i had me grammyitis pretty bad. i mean, i had to tune in and find out whether or not i was best new artist. turns out i was not. what the fuck? like alicia keys has a pearl jam stats chart. what were they thinking.

thats actually a good question. it seems they gave gift baskets of 17 thousand dollars worth to every presenter and performer. i mean HELLO. this is in LA where there are homeless people every three feet, and they are spending millions on fucking rockstar millionaires??? why didnt they collect all that money and donate it in the artists names? dont mention september 11th with sorrow and pouting and then waste all that money when it could have gone to good use to the families or firestations. holy lord are those people corrupt and stupid.

as for the grammys, i know this. i need to get me some billy joel in my collection. he still has chops. i love how he used his voice. i noticed also that weapon of choice won an award, i think for best short video or something. for some reason i associate them with stone gossard...i think he played them on self pollution radio...and so a victory for them is a victory for stone and so i was all happy. also, train thanked brendan obrien in their speech. so yay, two pseudo pearl jam moments.

speaking of a pseudo pearl jam moment....it seems there has been a corporate changeover. the molson centre will officially become the bell center. this is not a good thing. molson was the far lesser evil, a local beer company. pearl jam has played at the molson centre, and beer fits for a hockey building and a rock n roll building. but the bell center? bell, the longstanding evil telephone monopoly who i loathe because of all the money of mine they have. what do telephones have to do with rock or hockey? the bell centre. cheese. its not right to change the name of a place after pearl jam plays there. it just isnt.

HA! i was JUST im'ing with bowman and he was JUST saying how he might be in montreal in april. i asked him where, and he said 'the bell pavillion'. can you believe that! they just announced it today, the name change, and booking agents already have it down. i could swear they said the change wouldnt take place until like september or something. anyways, thats too funny. pavillion, though. maybe thats like the amphitheater. half the arena instead of the full one. crazy. i wonder if bowman can even get into canada. i wonder if his middle name on his passport actually IS doobie. jess?

im just sitting here rubbing my eye now. its been an eventful enough night. i think im done.

when i find the right song quote for what i want, i'll be back.

one love, the dream i see.

its no 'i fucked my aunt' like coil got HAHAHAHA....but the search of the day is:

'spuds mackenzie lamp'

hee hee hee. hey, and if the person in the dark needing the lamp is still reading...hi, and best of luck with that.

=)

well, the ed solo set in los angeles has come and gone. turns out he played a bunch of new stuff (NEW STUFF WOOOO!!), all on the ukelele. hrm. i was kinda hoping that the uke would have been a one time dealie on soon forget, but im not gonna decide i dont like stuff before i hear it. maybe he's just writing on it, and it'll transfer to guitars with the band. or maybe he's gonna do a hawaiian orchestra type side project. who knows. a new song called 'brokenhearted'. potentially deliciously devastating stuff. BRING IT!!!

the set kind of has led me to something that is bugging me. this site (im not going to link to it because it is the culprit of me feeling bugged) has listed the setlist and followed it up with notes. this is the exact format used by five horizons. im all for more pearl jam info on the net, but does there need to be an exact replica of whats already done with such quality? i mean...to me it just seems like blatant mimicry and ripping off, where the site kind of has its own unique look and great potential. aping = very unfortunate and very uncool, in my humble opinion. why not leave the trademark moves to their originators, and doing one's own thing, something original and different? riddle me that, batman. there are enough ideas in the universe that people dont have to step on each others toes, yknow? creed taught the pearl jam world that. lame. i wanna mention which site this is, but i dont want to...they pissed me off so no linky for you. ask me and i'll tell you.

anyway.

it was a pretty nothingy day. the best part, other than more ed music joining the universe, was that my hair was the best its been since i cut it...and the easiest and with no stuff in it. good good good.

also that i think those awful dry headaches are somehow linked to my period. all day today i had a headache, except not just in that spot...all over. and someone suggested that maybe it has to do with my period, and then bam, less than two hours later i GET my period. so im gonna start paying very close attention to that.

watched billy elliot. cute movie, kind of heavier than what i was expecting. i love dancing movies. i heard that there's this videotape you can get by the kid who choreographs for britney and nsync....and i totally want it. yes, i am a 31 year old woman who loves pearl jam and the grateful dead and i want to get down like nsync and britney spears. is it true? does it exist?

did a 7 30pm step class to get that new teacher...and it was the same fucking teacher! turns out they alternate the tuesday night class, and just my luck, it was damned her again. oh well. i taped the new elaine show, but havent watched it yet.

i reinstated my employment insurance, so i should be getting a check the second week of march. thats not soon enough to have rent paid on the first, but my dad comes home on thursday and i might ask him for a loan for that very reason. ahh thursday. sweet, sweet survivor. i am so ready for it.

i just watched jay mohr on kilborn. he has a new show on espn called 'mohr sports' or 'mohrsports'. one of you americanos with cable needs to be making me videotapes full of this show. PLEASE PLEASE i aint too proud to beg. im thinking fellow sports fan coil is a good culprit for this position. come on dude, you know you want to. someone hook a sports loving canadian broke girl up! i loved jay on 'action!', a show that should never have been cancelled, and i heard him on the radio in new york...he had called in, and was hilarious, as he just was on craig. but jay, dude...7 letters: h-a-i-r-c-u-t.

grovel mode on: please tape mohr sports for steph. i think it goes on air april 2. cant find anything for it online.

i still havent done my homework for class tomorrow. she has been hitting us with these crappy fucking assignments. for this one we're supposed to eavesdrop on a conversation, and then write it out, using description of body language to express tone and emotion. holy yawnfest batman. maybe when i get up i'll stroll to a cafe or something. im not too into it.

the comic on craig tonight was sayin how he lives in 'da hood' in LA...and that they dont have a jack in the box in their neighborhood, they have a jizzack up in the bee-ox. lots of ebonics in his routine. funny. i think his name was ralphie may. or something.

anywho, im tired, i got nothing, and i'm out.

gnighty y'all. keep it real. can i get a woot-woot?

one love, the dream i see.

productive was the theme...

woke up to the phone, my landlord's son saying i had to bring a new feb rent check because i wrote the first one out in pencil. i didnt know the bank wouldnt accept that, and neither did they. he asked me to put todays date on it--i always date them the first no matter what day i give them over, just out of habit...so him asking me that has stricken me with paranoia that they are trying to get me out of the apartment. i dated it the 15th because legally i have till then to pay...and just played it innocent. but now im all money stressed because i want to pay march rent right on the first, and its gonna make cash tight when i kinda wanted it to be loose...especially when you factor in that i dont think i'll be working this week because NOW theyre saying next tuesday (as in a week tomorrow) for the new restaurant.

s-t-r-e-s-s. and maybe i am just being paranoid, but why would they need todays date, unless they wanted to show that i paid late? i mean, i've never fallen behind on my rent, so they'd have a hard case against me, and ever since the landlord's son spoke to the bassholes things have been good, and im thinking of leaving them a note saying thanks and i'll try to tread lightly. peace is better than war after all. so yeah. my rent is rarely paid right on the first, but its never been behind either.

anyway i keep catching myself thinking about money in a worried manner, and i keep telling myself to just chill and let things fall into place as they always seem to do. everything will be ok, because it always is. listen to the dolphin in the dream, listen to the dolphin in the dream.

i have one of those headaches again.

so back to the productive day. i went to get the mail and had a package notice. once again my fabulous doorbell caused me to miss a delivery. note to self: make KNOCK PLEASE sign.

i got all ready...hospital pants, grey tshirt in case i felt like doing the 3:45 step class and grey zip up sweatshirt with rainjacket over top...it was MILD here today...

i packed up a garbage bag with the empty cans and 1 and 2 litre bottles for recycling (5 cents a pop, baby, and i had 45 of em) along with my empties from *new years*..not that i put things off or anything and managed to get that all in the car, after tossing two treats each to mac and eevee.

oh, i used mini clips to 'do' my hair the way i wanted it on top for pamfranks wedding, the way jewel once had it on jay leno. funny how i could do it (kinda), but the hairdresser was totally clueless. whatevs. keep in mind when you look at those pics that my hair is black (with grey starting to show again, damn fucking crappy feria...and short, and choppy so actually looked nothing like blondie).

busy busy:

1st stop: drop off rent check.

2nd stop: pick up package. it was a box from toby and i fucking loved the contents. first i unwrapped this little thing of hot sauce...hot sauce!! what a random thing to receive. its called tiger sauce or something and it is delicious. it tastes just like my favorite sauce from where i used to work, sweet chili sauce. good stuff. it also had 5 discs, and when toby burns discs he includes a case AND a copy of the actual liner...awesome. i got me some:
-gish-smashin punkins
-outkast--and i listened to it and dig it large, yo
-sloan-one chord to another
-beastie boys-hello nasty
-crowded house-
-neil diamond-essentials. speaking of whom, the SHIT show becker chose to mock neil endlessly tonight with hack jokes about neil being over the hill and his fans being geriatric. hi, becker, reality check maybe? your show SUCKS, neil diamond is KING.
and then finally the piece de resistance: a tall white mug with a long handle and the glorious photo of a yield sign in all its glory. when i unwrapped it and held it in my hands i said right out loud: i fucking LOVE it!! and i do. i have to decide whether to use it as a drinking vessel (and thus stored away in a cabinet) or on my desk to hold stuff (thus in plain view). dunno. awesome box, t. thanks.

stop 3- the depanneur to drop off my bottles. turns out that mike's hard and smirnoff ice empties arent refundable. crap.

stop 4--the bank where i deposited all my rolled coins (upwards of 70 dollars worth) and some paper too. but not enough!! fucking money. all i want is enough.

5th stop--dad's building, where i brought his mail up in preparation for his return wednesday. yay he's coming back!! boo, the car is going away! he had a huge stack of mail. oops, i let that slide kinda heavily. i already envisioned being booted out of here and being forced to move in with him in my brother's former room. and i thought my sex life was hurting NOW

after that i headed back downtown. i wanted to get to the old montreal restaurant and pick up my check which is supposed to have 3 hours on it, plus the 7.7 missing hours from my first checks there. but i KNOW it wont, because the manager there is a total ineffectual boob. and thats gonna be a struggle, because he is all about blame and saying 'its not my fault, its not blah blah' instead of being about action. he's a loser. it was too late to get there anyhow. i shoulda gone earlier, but i have to get that straightened away already.

instead i went to the gym for that 3:45 boring step class. tomorrow im gonna do the 7:30 pm class instead, because it has a different teacher. hallelujah. i also popped in the used record shop right across the hall...i love it. its musky and messy and the guy sits behind his counter and reads the paper with a tiny tv on the whole time, not listening to music and not paying any attention to me whatsoever. and 85% of the records are 3.99. and there are some treasures too, magazines and stuff...its great. but of course i wouldnt allow myself to spend one red penny. spending NO.

then i came home and took off the sweaty stuff and ate supper and popcorn (popcorn being my current favorite snack food). i had the annoying post popcorn pesty kernel skin stuck between my gum and my tooth...the kind your tongue pokes at endlessly and you dig at with your fingers and drives you bananas. i managed to get it out after not too long awhile and there wasnt just one in that spot..there were three! frickin kernel skin.

tv without the olympics. i miss it already. tonight it was boston public, raymond, and third watch. raymond was really funny, but third watch was awesome. the best episode of that show i think i have ever seen. and speaking of tv...three days from now...SURVIVOR. ummm....BRING IT!!!!!!!

speaking of the olympics, every canadian newspaper had the gold medal win on the cover. in the car i listened to the jim rome sports talk show.. that guy is funny. he was reading emails from american listeners to canadian ones, and vice versa. juvenile rivalry stuff, some of which made me laugh out loud. overall i liked what he had to say, interesting to hear how americans cant understand what hockey means to canadians and how important the game was for us, because they have nothing to compare it to in the states. here everyone has hockey fever at one time or another, its just part of the culture here. i wish i could remember some of the funny stuff....and some of the dead on stuff...but instead you are stuck with a forgetful tired writer who just teases greatness and sticks you with mediocrity. so sue me.

there was footage of the olympians arriving at the calgary airport. marc gagnon..what a clown, he's so likeable. the olympics overall definitely have left me feeling more canadian and patriotic and inspired i guess. just excited to be here. there was also footage of sale and pelletier in new york, and it seems they ALREADY signed a campaign to work for crest stripes or something....lets see what genius the marketers will come up with...gold medal smiles? they have everything to smile about? whatever it is, im expecting it to be weak. shame.

that headache is building up. dont let me forget that tomorrow jay mohr is on craig kilborn. i love me some jay mohr, he shoulda been on that list from a few nights ago. no coil, not you too. im gonna fall asleep watching billy elliot methinks.

have yourself a pleasant little tuesday. don't get evicted.
=)
one love, the dream i see.

necessary ps:

not only has my use of the word 'dude' become epidemic to the point where i think i wont ever stop using it, its no longer fun slangy shit but actual stephcabulary but now my absolute most used and favorite swear word is:

COCKSMOKER.

thanks alot alex. i heard him say it at bridge, and that was it. coil just made me think of it, and i dont think ive shared that here yet. so there you go. on with the show.

YES.
its a banner fucking day to be canadian today, i tell ya. being canadian is generally a good thing, but today was just the climax of canadian pride. watching that game...it was...more than a game. the restaurant is on the ground floor of a mall, and a staircase from the floor above leads right into it. and if you look up you can see all three floors above. people crowded on the stairs and on the rails of every floor to watch the game. we had it blaring, and i got to sit and watch the 2nd and 3rd periods fully and completely (2 canada points there, and if you can tell my why you can have one too). it was MAJOR. it felt like they were gonna tell us the president was shot or something. everything just stopped and it was THE GAME.

they showed a shot of toronto's yonge street during the game...it was EMPTY. ghost town stuff. im guessing that was the scene coast to coast in this country. i love that. we will talk about this game for a VERY long time. the kind of game that will make hockey players out of kids who watched and felt *it*, whatever it is. it makes my heart swell to think of that.

i thought my heart would stop a few times in that game...killing power plays, tied scores....but it was meant to be. when the score went from 3-2 canada to 4-2 canada...wow. that felt GOOD. i dont know what its like where you are when a hockey game is on...but this here, today, it was like this:

puck approaches opposition's net: everyone gets wide eyed and talks to tv: come on boys, yes, yes...and then everyone sucks in their breath. if it misses its a collective sound of agony. if it goes in...arms raised, fists pump, and everyone yells. i yell SCORE!! because thats what my dad yells, and today was throwing both my hands up in the air. that 4th goal...it brought tears to my eyes. i could feel we would win. the 5th goal was the medal, and i found myself clenching my fists in front of me and squeezing...like: YESSSSS. it was a great victory, and a great game.

watch this restore my interest in hockey AND the tragically hip in one fell swoop. before you know it i'll be a full fledged frat boy.

watching the flag go up, especially after watching it twice last night for the speed skaters, and hearing the anthem again, in this forum, with the hockey gold in women AND men, men for the first time in 50 years to the day...i was absolutely grinning like an ass.

and then just like that the olympics were over. i've so so so enjoyed the coverage and rooting for canada, its really reawakened my pride for this country, and has earned the atheletes a new respect from me...the ones who dont drug up before they compete. i really caught the spirit of it. to hear the hockey players before the game talk about how they grew up dreaming of a game like this, and being so proud to be there and excited...THATS what its about. dreams coming true at their own hands. it gets me all verklempt.

and so i watched the closing ceremonies. i had a sinking feeling when the dude announced the games were now closed. sucked. if whistler gets the games for winter 2010, im going to have to think seriously about volunteering. thats a long way away though. christ i dont want to think about how old i'll be then. wait, yes i do...i'll be 38 years old!! (2 more canada points, who can tell me why??!!)

some comments about the closing ceremony:
wayne, where were you?
kiss, you lip synch worse than britney
nsync, you shoulda left out that horrid fucking high note
christina, way to look like an absolute and total whore in front of millions of children and tons of atheletes who fought to get where they were with hard work and dedication, not a flat stomach (jess check out those pants. the cbc announcer said after 'so we got to see the hip two nights in a row. hahahaha)
and finally
willie, i dont even know why i love you, but i do.

my olympic highlights:
-sale and pelletier's gorgeous skating
-finding out speed skating is totally fun to watch, especially with 80% of the guys being super hot and im not talkin bout them unitards, and then having my country win a heap of medals in it
-watching the australians take their golds
-watching yagudin break down in tears when he saw his marks and won the gold
-watching the ONE bermuda representative carry the flag in and go crazy waving it and jumping around in opening ceremonies
-having the hip play for the atheletes, playing fireworks with the canadian women's hockey team behind gord
-watching that maple leaf go up, up, up...especially when accompanied by the anthem. what a sap.
-and of course, today's hockey game, and finding out afterward the ice was 'made' by canadians, and the team had gotten a loonie (canadian dollar coin) buried at center ice for luck, which they dug out after the game and are giving to the hall of fame. too cool.

anyway, thats all i really need to say today. its just been really special. i loved seeing people in vancouver and the maritimes and toronto and montreal partying in the streets. there was no 'take that, america' at all. it was pure joy over the win, we're number one, we got the gold, hang out the car window with a flag and honk madly, look up at the sky and say thank you pride. absolute and total pride. passion and love, its a beautiful thing. go canada!

before i split for the night, i have to say two things:
#1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESS!!! that backstreet boy shirt is fucking hilarious.
#2. im gonna copy/paste my entry from saturday below this one, because for some reason it didnt post till about 8 tonight.

there's only one way to sign off tonight.

Patriot [Steve Van Zandt]

And the rivers shall open for the righteous...
And the rivers shall open for the righteous...
And the rivers shall open for the righteous someday...

I was walking with my brother,
And he wondered, oh how I am.
Said what I believe in my soul
Ain't what I see with my eyes,
And there's no turning back this time.

I am a patriot, and I love my country,
Because my country is all I know.
Wanna be with my family,
People who understand me.
I got no place else to go.

I was walking with my girlfriend.
She looked so fine, I said
"Baby, what's on your mind?"
Said I want to run like the lions
Released from their cages...
Released from the rages
Burning in my soul tonight.

I am a patriot, and I love my country,
Because my country is all I know.

And I ain't no communist,
And I ain't no socialist,
And I ain't no capitalist,
And I ain't no imperialist,
And I ain't no democrat,
Sure ain't no republican either,
I only know one party,
And that is freedom.
I am...I am...I am...

I am a patriot, and I love my country,
Because my country is all I know.

And the rivers shall open for the righteous,
And the rivers shall open for the righteous,
And the rivers shall open for the righteous someday...
Someday...someday...

ONE LOVE. the dream i see.

[2/24/2002 12:32:58 AM | steph **]
just some quick stuff before i head to the couch to watch the hip play for the canadian atheletes in salt lake...im sayin that if the canadian hockey team is at the show (they prolly arent) they are going to be MAJORLY extra pumped for tomorrow, because the hip are mega hockey fans, and 200% canadian. its gonna be a great game regardless, players on both teams are really excited to just be there and know the fans are crazy into it and want the gold...i cant believe i have to work. at least we have tvs. and at 3 it should be quieted down. and hopefully empty.

move over ethan. yeah, thats no typo. im gonna have to start my own personal harem, because there are a buttload of canadian speed skaters who are yummy...and LOCAL. i'll post pictures when im not this tired. we won two golds tonight. beautiful.

my harem:
ethan
canadian speed skaters of my choice
tobey maguire
pearl jam members of my choice
norm macdonald
ben stiller
ashton kutcher
jon stewart
billy crudup
with honorable mentions to eddie cibrian and edward furlong (too young, i know. lay off. its not like im reality mode here, duh). thats a big bunch of white guys, yo. i need some diversity. but im fried right now and had to work to come up with those dudes. and when i say dude rest assured it has NOTHING to do with coil.

work was busy as hell and i made good coin and i am beyond thrilled that tomorrow will be my last day with that slew of fuckers. at the end of it all i can honestly say i really like billy, johnny and johnny, i like steve, maher and fekry, costa is ok, and the rest of them can kiss my ass as it wiggles out the door. i can put up with their bullshit for 8 more hours. 8 more. then im done.

ok, its time for the hip. im out.

last night i rented 'dracula 2000' because daniel masterson (hyde from that 70s show, big pj fan) was credited in it...and he dies in the first fucking 15 minutes!! and i thought it would be a comedy like scream and whatever...it isnt. wasted time, wasted money. oh well.

for alex, and peggy.

Fare you well, my honey, fare you well my only true one.
All the birds that were singing are flown, except you alone.

Going to leave this brokedown palace,
On my hand and knees, I will roll, roll, roll.
Make myself a bed in the waterside,
In my time, I will roll, roll roll.

In a bed, in a bed, by the waterside I will lay my head.
Listen to the river sing sweet songs, to rock my soul.

River going to take me, sing sweet and sleepy,
sing me sweet and sleepy all the way back home.
It's a far gone lullaby, sung many years ago.
Mama, mama many worlds I've come since I first left home.

Goin' home, goin' home, by the riverside I will rest my bones,
Listen to the river sing sweet songs, to rock my soul.

Going to plant a weeping willow,
On the bank's green edge it will grow, grow, grow.
Sing a lullaby beside the water,
Lovers come and go, the river roll, roll, roll.

Fare you well, fare you well, I love you more than words can tell,
Listen to the river sing sweet songs, to rock my soul.

one love, the dream i see.

just some quick stuff before i head to the couch to watch the hip play for the canadian atheletes in salt lake...im sayin that if the canadian hockey team is at the show (they prolly arent) they are going to be MAJORLY extra pumped for tomorrow, because the hip are mega hockey fans, and 200% canadian. its gonna be a great game regardless, players on both teams are really excited to just be there and know the fans are crazy into it and want the gold...i cant believe i have to work. at least we have tvs. and at 3 it should be quieted down. and hopefully empty.

move over ethan. yeah, thats no typo. im gonna have to start my own personal harem, because there are a buttload of canadian speed skaters who are yummy...and LOCAL. i'll post pictures when im not this tired. we won two golds tonight. beautiful.

my harem:
ethan
canadian speed skaters of my choice
tobey maguire
pearl jam members of my choice
norm macdonald
ben stiller
ashton kutcher
jon stewart
billy crudup
with honorable mentions to eddie cibrian and edward furlong (too young, i know. lay off. its not like im reality mode here, duh). thats a big bunch of white guys, yo. i need some diversity. but im fried right now and had to work to come up with those dudes. and when i say dude rest assured it has NOTHING to do with coil.

work was busy as hell and i made good coin and i am beyond thrilled that tomorrow will be my last day with that slew of fuckers. at the end of it all i can honestly say i really like billy, johnny and johnny, i like steve, maher and fekry, costa is ok, and the rest of them can kiss my ass as it wiggles out the door. i can put up with their bullshit for 8 more hours. 8 more. then im done.

ok, its time for the hip. im out.

last night i rented 'dracula 2000' because daniel masterson (hyde from that 70s show, big pj fan) was credited in it...and he dies in the first fucking 15 minutes!! and i thought it would be a comedy like scream and whatever...it isnt. wasted time, wasted money. oh well.

for alex, and peggy.

Fare you well, my honey, fare you well my only true one.
All the birds that were singing are flown, except you alone.

Going to leave this brokedown palace,
On my hand and knees, I will roll, roll, roll.
Make myself a bed in the waterside,
In my time, I will roll, roll roll.

In a bed, in a bed, by the waterside I will lay my head.
Listen to the river sing sweet songs, to rock my soul.

River going to take me, sing sweet and sleepy,
sing me sweet and sleepy all the way back home.
It's a far gone lullaby, sung many years ago.
Mama, mama many worlds I've come since I first left home.

Goin' home, goin' home, by the riverside I will rest my bones,
Listen to the river sing sweet songs, to rock my soul.

Going to plant a weeping willow,
On the bank's green edge it will grow, grow, grow.
Sing a lullaby beside the water,
Lovers come and go, the river roll, roll, roll.

Fare you well, fare you well, I love you more than words can tell,
Listen to the river sing sweet songs, to rock my soul.

one love, the dream i see.