habit

im gonna try to take a nap. and by nap i mean 5 hour sleep. i just stuffed myself with e-parm sub and fries and ginger ale and i have to open tomorrow at 5 30 AM. brew-tal. ooh, eevee just put her front paws up on my lap and stretched out and machine gun farted three times in a row. ive never heard that before. hee hee. kitty gas.

i didnt realize that i was kind of zonked until i finished work. the same two old friends that came in like two weeks ago were back and i sat down with them and caught up. i couldnt bring myself to stand again. which was fine, it was good talking with them anyway.

so the nap. yeahhh...i like the idea of it. there aint shit on tv until way late tonight when there are two semi decent movies to stare at or videotape for later staring. the pelican brief is one of them, and the other is some rockford files tv movie from 99. i love the rockford files though. so for me, thats good stuff. i'll likely wind up just sleeping right through both. we shall see.

my last move at work today was wiping crumbs off this shelf which i did with my hand since we have a serious rag shortage. at the end of the shelf was a stack of paper placemats we use on some tables, and wouldnt you know it, them sonsofbitches gave me a nasty ol papercut under my nail on this finger on my left hand: iIiii. it hurts like a megafucker to type with it, even with two bandaids on it. i was careful to not get any vinegar in there.

last night i took a swell bath and listened to the expos lose. today they lost again, but its ok. im not down on them or anything. i mean...they won 6 in a row. i wouldnt want them to get bigheaded and start slacking. losing two will be a good reality check for them. they have lots of spots for improvement and the time is now. oh yeah. but hopefully we will crush st louis tomorrow because i dont like this tied-with-mets-1st-place-crap.

all i won in the 20 million dollar lottery of last night is the chance to play next week for free. i had 3 numbers. i dont need 20 mill. they can keep 19 of it. they can keep 19.75 of it. mama just want a nice chunk.

theres not much of interest going on here. clumsy with my hands + eating everything in sight = pre menstrual girl. if i werent so tired id prolly be all into scrapping it out with some innocent on the sidelines. not that im SOOO tired. but im in good nap mode, so im gonna go with it. dunno if there will be more later.

--smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?--

it might have been a regular friday for you just as it was for me. but for my friend cari....to quote my friend van morrison....its a brand new day.

jacey---welcome to the world. thank you for making me an aunt. we been waiting for you. i cant wait to hang out with you and teach you swear words and tell you about your crazy mother.

when i woke up thursday morning i remembered a dream that i had that night....i dreamed cari had a baby boy, and named him jonathan. last night my phone rang at around 12 30 in the morning. it was cari's mom. i said 'it was a boy wasnt it' and she said 'yes'.

i called the girls to tell them the news, but the excitement didnt really hit full force until just now when i left a message for marc and cari and jacey (that name has yet to be confirmed but i think thats what they are going with) and i was just bubbling over with excitement for them.

of course, never has it sucked more that cari moved away. and not a drive away, or a day trip away.

but yeah. thats the sparkly fabulous news.

in less sparkly news:

sheri, when pj come round and hopefully i have a bunch of dorks staying here, you have first dibs on an hour in the clawfoot. its all you, girl.

caryn, if pineapple werent a pizza topping then why in the hell would it taste SO good!?

i cant focus. the expos are in extra innings, and one of the girlz in the hood (cool c to be precise) has a baby. nutty.

--i miss you already--

today, i dont love tutus too much. but im guessin where im lackluster in this department, a certain mr coil is all riled up and imagining himself in the nutcracker (or in his case powdered nutsacker) suite. but really, thats more than enough about that.

i am blogging while its still light out because frankly its an exciting television night. i think its a double whammy of survivor....one outtake episode, and then the usual episode to follow, which would lead right up to ER, which this week is pairing up with some of the cast of third watch, so im into that. after that i hope to fall asleep drooling on myself on the couch. so computer time will be out.

in honor of double survivor i just ordered dinner from the almighty doublepizza. how adorable that they have a website! i had no clue, only found out while i was on hold. lookit the little logo guy. gotta love him. always 2 for 1 on every pizza. gotta love that! saves me buying groceries for two days.

didja know that 2 for 1 pizza is all the rage in montreal? that and 99cent (why oh why is there no cent key??) mega slices. aww yeah. i got one onion mushroom half cheese, and one black olive pineapple half cheese. a diet pepsi and an orange crush. shit is so salty one can is never enough. and fries with that. double pizza has awesome combos. and every 15th order is free. nice!

tonight is game three against the brewers and break out your brooms folks (mine is out because its my mode of transit) because i am pulling for a suhweet suhweep. selig, your team eats ass. fuck you oldtimer. maybe i should save this talk for if we actually do sweep. go expos go! also, go habs go! im such a bandwagon hockey fan (olympics are something different). i have no interest unless its playoffs. and it is so GO HABS.

and yet ANOTHER article on them on the espn website. you dont understand. last year there was never word ONE mentioned about the spos, not when cabrera won gold glove, not when vladdy was powerhousing, not when bergeron went on a hitting streak. now it seems they cant go a day without writing about the phenom that is this team this start of the season. and i fucking love it. this is the latest.

today is thursday. i havent been to the gym since friday. fuck it. one week on, one week off.

back to work was quick and painless. boss jimmy got on me for something stupid and i was just like 'it wont happen again'. whatever. two days off in a row is the best thing that could have happened. i was relaxed and let it roll off me. good stuff. also, asshole mike has quit. supposedly found a new job but i think maybe he knows he is just not cutting it. later asshole mike, you wont be missed.

as a result of being shorter staffed i only have one day off next week, but thats ok. im only opening three days so it wont be as exhausting. and the money is good considering...

instead of going to the gym after my shift i gave my wallet a workout instead. if only it were as easy to make me lighter as it is to make it lighter. i went into yves rocher, which has completely replaced the body shop for the place i can most easily spend money spoiling myself. they are so smart. they send me shit in the mail with special monthly gifts that i can get if i spend 5-10 bucks. also i can get 2 for 1 (its thematic today!) on whatever i want...im such a sucker. today i bought two face creams from the same line as the mask and cleanser i bought last week, and strawberry body lotion, and wound up with the super sensational fabulous gift of a yellow summer beach bag. cuz i needed that. not only do they send the offers, but every time you buy something its like halloween, they dump all these samples in your bag. its the bestest. i love this company. and i got quite a haul for 30 bones.

but that was just the beginning.

i wandered into zellers with the notion of buying that martha striped shower curtain, until i came face to face with it and realized its nearly 40 bloody dollars. screw that noise man. i could get a diamond necklace at zellers at that price. i went back out into the mall into a funky store and sho-nuff they had shower curtains too. score!

my tub is an antique clawfoot, freestanding from the wall. this means i need two shower curtains for either side of it. my tub is against the wall, and theres a window just above it. i bought a clear vinyl blue tinted shower curtain for that window...kinda risqu-ay cuz i'll be silhouetted (but by now my neighbors must have seen me nude bunches and bunches so who cares) and it kind of makes the whole room look like an aquarium with the light coming in. for the outer one i bought a clear vinyl one, that has three huge mesh pockets along the bottom, 2 medium sized ones in the middle and two small ones near the top. for me, this is killer. i have so much CRAP in my bathroom, and now i have somewhere to put it and it looks kinda nifty. im pleased.

now all i need in there is something to put my book and radio on when i take a bath. im hoping to find an antiquey small stool or chair or small table to stick in the corner there. hopefully with crackley paint. i'll know it when i see it, but i aint seen it yet.

i also bought a new blue bath rug, but im not sure im digging on it. its navy and i dont know if it works or not. my towels are light blue, and the tiles are pale yellow...and i need a dark color down there because of when i dye my hair...i always drip and lighter colors would stain and get dirty and blech. dark all the way. i dunno what color would work better so for now im gonna stick with it. i am keeping my receipt though. if i had a digicam i could survey you all for opinions. that would rock for an indecisive silly ho like me. too bad there's no such thing as 2 for 1 digital camera buying. then me and alex could split one.

how gorgeous is this?? and this??? and oh lord of the tubs, take a gander at this. this website could be the end of me. hahaha, as if i had this kind of money.

so check this out. one of the guys i work with is scratching himself *constantly*. he always tells me how he cant stand it anymore, he's so itchy, he has psoriasis all over him. not the best, to see your waiter scratching at his butt, but he doesnt even know he's doing it. its horrible to be itchy like that, i know. poor guy. anyway, it gets worse.

he went to the doctor earlier this week. the doctor looked at his patches of itch and asked him 'do you engage in homosexual activity?' the waiter was like 'what!?' and the doctor asked 'do you use intravenous drugs?'. of course it was clear where the doctor was going, and the waiter went bananas. 'are you saying i have AIDS!?' and the doctor told him he needs a blood test ASAP because to him it looks like sores that could be hiv related.

key words there: COULD BE.

this fucking doctor is a moron. if i were the waiter i would have gone ballistic and not left that office without being tested. how dare he suggest aids to the poor guy, basically putting the fear of god into him. i dont know how he's functioning right now. not to mention he's seen this doctor before, and in the past the doctor has always said 'psoriasis'. but now the waiter has a burn on his finger that wont heal...anyway the whole thing makes me jumpy, imagine what its doing to the guy i work with. he goes for tests monday.

it kind of scares me that the doctor thinks the only way he could get hiv is thru homosexual activity and needles. HELLO, doc!? straight folk are carriers too, e DUH! anyone who's ever felt the need to fear potential hiv contamination knows....it sucks the life right out of you. it consumes your every thought and every move. its scary as shit. its an ice cold shower until you get those test results, which, when you hear the word 'negative'...are better than anything on this good green earth. we'll see how this unfolds. he was telling everyone, proof of being nervous. i dont think id tell a soul at that place. thats kind of the ultimate in personal.

then again id probably come home and write about it in here. so...personal is relative.

ok its game time and hopefully the double pizza man will be ringing my bell any second. sorry to end on a kind of freaky note...it just was astounding at what a dumbass that doctor is. he should KNOW first before he suggests that. what a jerk.

so yeah. have a swell evening, and get them brooms ready.

--she's been diagnosed by some stupid fuck--

i still love tutus.

i started using mentadent again, thanks to derrick. now everywhere i go guys come close as though magnetically drawn to my teeth and shiny smile and fresh breath. its like they are under its spell. all i want is to live life normally and not have all these guys getting in my way, doing whatever they can for just one more look at my choppers, but a girl's gotta brush her teeth. tonight they had to stop the game not once but twice because the cameramen put me on the big screen and everyone just stopped what they were doing to gaze upon the beauty that is me. it would have been embarrassing if i wasnt so used to it.

another night, another trip to the olympic stadium. 15 damn innings thanks to stranding runners on base and errors. but in the end the good guys won and now have a 2 game lead in the division.

for sale: graeme lloyd, peter bergeron, and yeah, i'll say it: henry rodriguez.

its after midnight and i dont wanna let it all hang out. my eyes feel tired and its back to work tomorrow and dont want to get to bed super late, even if technically i can sleep in until 8. theres not much to report anyway, it was mainly a domestic day. the apartment looks ship shape (or close to it anyway) and i got some side stuff in order. ive decided to score me a new shower curtain and make my bathroom a brighter more colorful (AHA! COLOR-ful!! take that wisky) place. fascinating.

so, in place of an actual entry tonight, i will leave you with the words of a sports illustrated writer. thanks to j i had the pleasure of reading this article, and i beg of you to read it too. it brought tears to my eyes. come on, just give it a read. its good stuff. you know you wanna.

French connection

Montreal's Expos strike a chord with the author
Posted: Tuesday April 23, 2002 11:58 AM



On the back page of a New York tabloid Monday morning, fresh off the Montreal Expos' third straight win over the Mets, a headline blared, "CONTRACT 'EM NOW!"

The scream paid the Expos the highest form of compliment you can get from the gritty underbelly of New Yawk: a smart, chummy, quasi-insult that begrudgingly pays respect. When New Yorkers address you with things like "You're killin' me, man" and "Get a load of this guy," it usually means you belong.

When the Mets and the rest of the National League East checked their 2002 schedule and saw 18 games against the nearly extinct Expos, they rubbed their batting gloves together and purred in anticipation. There are 12 to 14 wins right there, they must have thought. Well, here we are, 1/8 of the way through the season and look who's in first place. Going into Tuesday's games Montreal has a one-game lead largely because it has scored more runs than any team in the NL. Belong? I think so.

The Montreal Expos: America's Team. You have to adore them, at least a little bit. Really, is there a baseball fan anywhere -- Braves, Mets and Phillies fans included -- who doesn't have a warm spot for these guys? You want to ruffle their helmets with your hand and say, "Attaway boys!" The Expos are baseball's sad sack underdogs. They're Charlie Brown's Christmas Tree. They're Little Orphan Annie.

They have a leadoff hitter, speedy Petey Bergeron, who's barely batting manager Frank Robinson's weight and yet has scampered home 20 times already, more than anyone else in the league. "With this lineup we're always dangerous," Bergeron recently explained.

Huh? Last year Montreal was 28th in the major leagues in runs scored. One magazine's preseason power poll had the team ranked 30th of 30 and, by way of analysis, suggested the Expos we're lucky to be included on the list at all.

Oh, we knew about Vladimir Guerrero. A name like that -- from Russia, con amor -- sticks in your craw. So does .307, 34, 108 (with 37 stolen bases to boot) -- Vladdy's vital stats from 2001. We also knew about Jose Vidro, El Capitan of the infield. But catcher Michael Barrett? Who is he and what is he doing hitting .404? And isn't Lee Stevens supposed to be over the hill?

The Expos don't have much pitching depth, and a staff that relies heavily on folks like Tomo Ohka and Graeme Lloyd won't remind anyone of the old Montreal guard of Steve Rogers and Jeff Reardon. Yet you look around the NL and you'll see that there aren't many teams with much pitching to talk about. You think, maybe the Expos can hang around a little while longer.

They are lovable in spite of being the company team. You hate rooting for a club run by big, bad Major League Baseball. Then you look at the way Bud Selig outfitted Montreal's management with minorities, a bold example for the rest of his sport. It was a wonderful, Clintonesque move, to appoint the qualified Robinson as manager and the whipsmart Omar Minaya as GM. Those guys have put out a team that actually knows what it's doing out there. The Expos play good all-around ball. You watch them and you forget they're playing for MLB. They look like they're playing for their scrappy little selves.

The Expos start a series against the Milwaukee Brewers Tuesday night, and guess which team the average baseball fan is pulling for? It's the principle of the thing: The Brewers, of course, are owned by the commissioner's daughter. Montreal's contraction seems almost certain. But maybe the team doesn't need to disband just yet. Maybe it can relocate, player roster and management staff intact, somewhere else. I'd take them in my backyard.

The Expos drew as as many as 11,500 fans to their games against the Mets, many more than the 4,000-5,000 they typically bring in. No matter how well the Expos play, they aren't going to attract strong crowds unless they start airing old Canadiens games on a jumbo screen. Yet I, for one, am thinking about taking a summer stop through Montreal, where I'll buy a ticket and root for the home team.

CONTRACT 'EM NOW? No way. Let's give 'em a hand.

Sports Illustrated senior writer Kostya Kennedy takes sides every Tuesday at CNNSI.com.

yeah. give em a hand. =) first place by two games. mama like.

anywho good night. bring on survivor thursday. and a sweep of the selig brewers.

be good. and for the love of all things holy stop flirting with me already. god, its exhausting. =)

--in my mind im goin to carolina...cant you see the sunshine? cant you just feel the moonshine?--

i love tutus.

most of the time i call my cat mac 'fat bear' or just 'bear'. he isnt especially fat, and he isnt at all a bear...but its always been that. i think its cuz he's white and it makes me think of polar bears. eevee i call 'missy girl' or 'cutie girl'. i used to call her mouse but i dont think i do anymore. why do i mention it? just cuz i dont think i ever have.

the expos won and retain first place. the canadiens won and take the lead in their playoff series 2-1 over boston. excellent, smithers.

when i got home from the game my groundfloor delinquent neighbors were sitting on their new bench with two girls who dont live here. they were drinking wine out of the bottle. as i approached the stairs one girl was saying something about fashion. as i hit the stairs she said 'its all jewish people in fashion, they run it'. my neighbor said 'oh yeah' in such a disinterested manner that it made it clear he was just trying to sleep with her. her friend said 'yeah, you know, shmata business' and the original speaker said 'you have to make friends with the jews because they run it all'.

it made my ears burn. i stood at my door on the balcony and glanced over, hoping my neighbor would look up so i could say something like 'hey, nice friends. im jewish by the way, see ya'. i just felt like i needed to say something. but he didnt look up, and really...what was i going to do? so i came inside and closed the door behind me and felt gross. i came upstairs still wishing i had said something but at the same time i knew its not like she said 'jews are evil' or anything...i just didnt like the way she said 'the jews' and had jewish people all seperate in her mind.

i called joel and asked if he would have said something. he said he understood why it would bug me, and maybe i should go dump some water over my railing 'by accident'. then i could toss the bitch a shmata to dry off with. that made me laugh and feel better. i remember once as a kid we were at a flea market in the laurentians. some woman said to another woman, in french: the jews just come here to look. they never buy anything. too cheap.' or something along those lines. my father said something to them in yiddish. he told them to stick their heads in the ground like onions. they didnt know what he said of course, but they knew he was jewish for sure. i should have said something. i think. but nothing came to mind. i dont know yiddish. she was so loud and unashamed. i wanted to spit on her. im sure the next time i see my neighbors i'll mention it to them. not in a pissed off way, but in a 'your friends are idiots, watch it punks' kind of way. =)

the worst pizza in the city is at the ball games at the olympic stadium. and knowing this i STILL had to have a slice because of damn jess. earlier she me alex and coil shared a funny conversation where pizza was widely discussed and it made me have to have some. these crazy kids have all experienced pizza with the sauce ON TOP of the cheese! wacky stuff i tells ya. then i was mocked for being all mystified about it. bastards.

i painted my toes for the first time this spring/summer. brownish (like coffee with milk in it) with a coat of sparkley on top. and then i proceeded to wear running shoes with my toes very much covered. good planning, steph.

there were some good searches on my site today. ones that made me happy, ones im proud i pop up for. like:
-beverly cleary email address
-dudez a plenti (i get this one kind of often and it makes me laugh every time)
-jill sobule
-soon forget by pearl jam
-me up at does by EE cummings
-jackie robinson in montreal
yay. =)

i missed popstars tonight. so i emailed justin's brother for a synopsis. hahahhaa. i love life.

chantal called me while i was waiting for everyone to meet me at the big o. we talked for quite awhile...she needed a pep talk. she asked me if im happy and i had to say yeah, that i pretty much am. i could be happier i know...but im not down, or sad...im on the sunny side of the street. this is good. as we were talking i recommended a book to her, the artist's way by julia cameron, which is a great book for anyone who needs to feel a bit more oomph in their creative sides. there are really cool ideas and excercises in there that actually do produce positive effects. staci gave it to me awhile ago. just as i suggested it to her she passed a bookstore, and boom, went in and bought it. i hope it helps because i hate hearing chantal, this amazing girl, being down on herself. its not right.

i woke up at 11 30 and am feeling rather sleepy. my eyes feel tired. i gave myself a mask before the game as a means of refreshing myself, i do love a good clay mask, but it didnt work. im all discombobulated and my eyes have that burning tired feeling. i videotaped the new andy richter show (because unlike some other people i can remember the shows i need to tape....*/me stares at filly*) and that is what i will watch and fall asleep to when i hit the couch. no 2 30 in the morning for me.

my signs for the game were:
contract bud selig
bud-mi-ser
hey selig, leave those teams alone...especially the 1st place teams
bud, go contract yourself

i wanted to make an 'if you build it, they will come' sign, but had no time. i thought wed be sitting in the vip seats, which are blue, so i made the signs on yellow posterboard. it turns out that we sat behind vip, in yellow seats. =/ the signs made the screen once, but they were kind of washed out in this sea of yellow. shite.

alex has volunteered to come to montreal for the sunday bobblehead games since i'll be working them. sounds like a plan.

i was scanning some stranger's journals today and i came across this site where they have people's sites categorized by when they were born. its cool, you can look up sites made by people who are your sign, or by people who were born the same day as you, or the same year. i joined it and so far will be the only rep for feb 2 1971. its weird. i checked the journals of the two women closest to my birthday. the one who is a teensy bit older than me is married and has a five year old and frankly her blog scared me so i stopped reading it...holy domesticated. the other one who is a few days younger than me lives in LA and works from home. she got a free stairmaster. i want a free stairmaster. i felt much better after reading hers. anyway, im linking to it in my sidebar. go check it out. neato project.

im gonna try to add their button right now. and re-add alex whose journal is back up and running. might be back, might not. enjoy enjoy enjoy.

--nobody knows....nobody sees....nobody knows but me...--

man, i like the questions from the week before too. here we go. self indulgent day off girl. =)

1. What caused your last case of psuedo-road rage?
who cares. but my favorite thing to do when i piss someone else off is blow them a kiss as they drive by and glare at me, and smile hugely....or, if im feeling extra special obnoxious, make fists with both hands and rub them at the outside corners of my eyes and make a pouty face like im crying, mocking their frustration. hee hee. thats fun. as in 'aww, poor baby, you had to wait an extra 3 seconds to get by me because im trying to park'. fun stuff.

2. Tell me about one of your favorite television shows that was cancelled (past or present).
action starring jay mohr. man, that was possibly one of my favorite shows of all time. wayyyy too short lived. very twisted, very hilarious and very real. lots of celeb pop ups. i have no idea why a show like that would be axed. too much quality, i guess.

3. Have you ever gone online and pretended to be someone else? What's the story there?
no, but its prolly a good way to develop characters for stories.

4. What was (is) one of your favorite Children's books?
when i was a kid it was probably 'the carp in the bathtub', a story i loved to read over and over again. story about two kids who try to rescue a fish in their tub from becoming part of passover dinner. oh man, click that link. #1 that is the coolest font ever. #2 just looking at that cover makes me all choked up because it brings me back to another lifetime that was somehow mine, and to an innocence...and to what anita refers to as the passing of time that brings aging. sigh. caryn, anita...did you guys read this...? nowadays its probably any of robert munsch's brilliant and innovative books, especially the paper bag princess, an absolute MUST for every child everywhere. she is a total badass.

5. Can you recommend a CD (tape or otherwise) for me to listen to on the drive home?
dude, in a word: yield.

6. What is your online nickname and what is the story behind how you selected it?
oshuns. its so multi dimensionally perfect for me...its like my alter ego. it is my alter ego. i love the ocean and find great solace there. the hippie in me has long since wanted to name a daughter (hahaha cuz im so pregnant) ocean. pearl jam has a lovely song called oceans. and i thought the oshuns spelling was rather original, until i found out that there is a goddess known as oshuns, and i dug that too. there are different descriptions of the goddess...here and here, and prolly lots of other places too. its been me for so long i dont remember not being oshuns.

7. Ever been bitten or stung before (snake, wasp, dog, etc)?
stung by a bee twice, once last summer on my freakin boob, as chronicled in this very blog, and once on the temple at summer camp years ago. no bites. unless you count mosquitos. red ones. =)

k its late. bed bed bed. but that was fun. the fucking carp in the bathtub. man oh man. man oh man oh man. i feel like lester burnham looking at the pic at the end of the movie.

just for additional kicks....the monday mission:

1. Ever had a love that you still think of as "the one that got away?" What's the story there?
umm. im not sure i think of it as the one that got away, but i do think a life with this person would have been a happy one and a really good match. i dont know if there is a better match out there or not. i dont think he got away...i think it just didnt work out. thats life. we dont always get what we want and we never know whats around the next corner. i try to be optimistic. every boyfriend ive had has progressively been more wonderful a person. ive been lucky. im not going to mope around. im gonna live it up. as ani says 'you might keep me from ever being happy but you're not gonna stop me from having fun'. and none of them keep me from ever being happy. pearl jam is my boyfriend.

2. What was the last book that you finished reading cover-to-cover?
shit. how sad is it that i cant even remember? i started 'man and boy' and didnt get very far with it...and i think before that was a long string of incomplete reads. crap. maybe it was douglas coupland's miss wyoming. and that was frickin ages ago.

3. Did you ever get up and walk out of a movie? Which one and why?
the first one was some darryl hannah nightmare in the 80s...something with the word trouble in the name of it. the last one was that j-lo shite where she goes into people's dreams....and what lies beneath. total garbage. it takes a REALLY bad movie to get me to walk out. how do these disasters get made?

4. If we were to go out dancing, what song would you want me to ask the DJ to play as I slipped him a $20?
would depend on my mood. pop by nsync? groove is in the heart by d-lite? give it away by the red hot chili peps? wanna be startin something by m-j? any pearl jam song? some bbd? who knows.

5. What was the coolest toy you had when you were a kid?
i was really fond of that plastic lemon with sand in it that was attached to the end of a black rubber thing that had a small hoop that went around my ankle and then i spun it around and jumped over it every time it came around. and skipping rope. and fashion plates. and spirograph. and simon and the little professor.

6. When was the last time you felt lonely?
theres a commercial here, i dont even know what its for, where a woman walks over to her seated man and plants a kiss on him quickly, and then the commercial says how some things are better when you take time for them and slow them down, and they show her kiss him more slowly and tenderly. its for something stupid like carpet cleaning or some shit, but i feel it. it would just be nice to touch my lips to someone elses. my cats keep me good company, but they fall short in some categories. =)

7. Do you have any minor anal-retentive character traits?
hahaha, no not at all. any regular reader knows that i am a wacked out bird. im an anal concert goer. im an anal english language protector. the latest offender of which was someone saying 'worse case scenario' instead of the proper 'worsT case scenario'. *shudder*.

i like the monday mission...but its kind of scattered...without theme. fun nonetheless.

earlier in the week it was hot. shorts and tank tops and open windows and heat. and i said it then: i still think its gonna snow. and today it did. fucking crazy ass weather. as my dad says: dont like the weather in montreal? wait five minutes.

today was the shortest shift ever. it was deader than the cubs and fillies hitting combined. (take that, boys). it was so grey though when i got out that i ixnayed the gym and picked up some cat food and headed home. i let the dancing from last night's show be my workout. im still riding that show high...i realized its the first live music ive experienced since groundworks in rocktober. suck.

now listening to guster, finally. its friendly, but in all honesty ive been reading journals and surfing the information highway (hee hee) while its been on. a few times it pulled my attention away but i been kinda blanking it out a bit. it reminds me a bit of sloan mixed with ben folds but im not sure a sense of humor is there because im not at all paying attention to the lyrics.

music. yesterday at work i read the layne staley obituary and thats when i felt really sad about it. the whole wave of drug related deaths of musical supertalents is a really depressing and unfortunate reality, and its impossible to not feel it as a music lover, even if alice in chains was never my bag, and i did try that bag on. for the last 40 years lives have ended with extreme prematurity and its always the same story. drugs, alcohol, fast living or depression. we are such a flawed and imperfect and needy species. sting has it right: how fragile we are.

after lollapalooza 92 charged me and changed me i went out and got me some alice in chains....they werent on the bill, but i loved would? from the singles soundtrack (possibly my favorite song off there, state of love and trust and seasons notwithstanding) and wanted to check them out. the album was facelift and it never clicked with me. man in the box was kind of catchy but 'buried in my shit' wasnt something i could relate to (thankfully and luckily) and the place where layne was coming from...very dark and hostile and even though i was angry then, it wasnt a fit, much like i couldnt get into where kurt was. i kept the album for a long time though, and got the follow up, which was closer to a match, but still off. i loved rooster, but again...the music kind of made me cringe internally. i didnt want that kind of pain in me, it wasnt something i could understand.

but mad season. oh mad season. im gonna put it on right now (sorry guster). i think its possible anita had this first and fell in love with it and thats how i was exposed to it...but i could be making that up, i dont really remember. what a special voice layne had, truly a unique one of a kind instrument (not to mention the drawings on the mad season cd are layne's, including the cover) that was unignorable and unforgettable. it kind of slices into the listener. i guess the gods are cruel. they bless some people with magic like that, and curse them at the same time with a sensitivity or _____ most of us could never understand without being there ourselves. it drives me crazy that some people just write him off as another dead junkie. these are words ive heard since his death. what a cop out. write people off as junkies and then you dont have to consider that not every person is strong and/or happy. you dont have to open yourself to torturous pain and ugly experiences because you can just use the junkie label and make it seem like a person deserves any horrible and sad fate that comes their way as a result. i know the word empathy because of kurt cobain. some people dont know it at all.

this must be incredibly sad and scary for mike. half of mad season is gone. and he is still standing. i hope its reaffirming of his commitments to sobriety...but what a horrible way to get it. what a pathetic way for me to try to squeeze something positive out of this. 34 is only 3 years older than me. what a trip.

jar of flies got some heavy rotation round my ears for awhile and then one day i just up and traded in all my alice discs. i decided i had no place for such heavy sad stuff, and now i feel lucky for not being able to relate to that. because alot of people do, and that means they are familiar with a darkness that doesnt touch me. and thats really rough. at least layne was there to share the space with them for a while. it wasnt my cup of tea for the most part but it gets me just the same. and every death like this brings the others back. shannon. jerry. even kurt. when kurt died blind melon played letterman the same night. shannon had a question mark in black marker on his forehead. exactly.

anyway. topic change.

i ate everything in sight today, including an entire ben and jerry's thing of new york superfudge chunk ice cream. i had a chocolate craving and just had zero control. i ate it in two sittings. i use food to fill spaces in my life, i know i do, yet am 'helpless' in (truthfully just not interested in attempting to) controlling it. my father does this same thing, but he uses food to combat stress. i guess as far as vices go its not as damaging as others, considering the above. i know its unhealthy, and i know its probably a sign of dissatisfaction and underlying unhappiness...but i dont need to go there right now. i'm good, im ok.

a few days ago boss joe invited me to use one of the tickets that expos catcher mike barrett gave him for tomorrow night right behind third base. supposedly michael will be coming over to say hi. i was pretty honored to be invited because its all management and boss types going, but joe knows im an expos maniac. but i forgot to ask him about it today and i hope im still ok to use the ticket. i'll go to the game either way, because its the brewers, that bastard selig's former (and current, he's not kidding anyone) team. i have two signs in mind:

hey, selig: leave our team alone (a la hey teacher, leave those kids alone a la daughter tag)
and
bud: go contract yourself.

maybe:

bud selig: contracting 1st place teams everywhere. good job commish.

or something. that fucking weasel. i hate him. he makes my blood boil.

two days off ahead. and pretty much a day off today too. supersweet. zero plans except for aforementioned ball game. sleeping in. maybe yoga instead of going to the gym. clothing organizing. dish doing. plant watering. excitement plus.

sher, its gonna be fun working out the dmb setlist a la radiohead 2001. take good notes, girl. we can work it out. =)

wiskykirk sent me this link. scroll down to the photos and point #4. that big man is lee stevens. the part about the ball caps brought tears to my eyes, seriously. terry and elliot, the guys who do the play by play for the spos on radio, are really good about rallying people to go to the stadium fill the seats. the best entertainment you can get for 8 bucks. i hope the local tv sports guys start that too. instead of being bandwagonny down the line, support the team NOW. get the city at the games. its already started a little. with their help it could be a lot. i would be such a happy girl. dont we all want that? =)

coil is bitching at me that its taking too long for me to update. so to end his endless whining i will just stop here and post. what a pain in the arse. =P

gnighty all.

ooh! this week on craig kilborn: tenacious d (friday night, of course, since i have to be up at fricking 5 AM on saturday)! stephen dorff!! nice.

for layne:

--like an angel, i'll fly over your house
like an angel, i'll pass out wishes
like an angel i will move the arrow
like an angel i live alone
i'm not livin' what was promised
i am close but can't enjoy
oh Iim not dyin'
oh I'm so tortured 'cause I see all
tortured and all i cannot do
tortured all I should have done
tortured while i occupied a man
i'm not livin' what was promised
i am far from glorified
oh i'm not dyin'
oh I'm not alone
mind is not a celestial state with idle hymns of praise
time is short i have an appointment at noon at noon in hell
across the waste of space and fields of air i glide alone at night
oh please please think of me 'cause i...i'm by your side
i am by your side i am by your side oh
i'm right in front of you i'm by your side--

rip.

woo woo! lookee what time it is! guess *someone* doesnt have to open tomorrow! guess someone can stroll into work at TEN a.m. can i get a woot-woot?

so fuck talking about work. lets get on with the show.

i got to the molson centRE at about 430. nothing exciting at the ticket window and scalpers wanted 100 bucks for non front row tickets so i went and got lupper (lunch + supper) at cage o sports, the worst possible place for a vegetarian to eat. no veggie burgers. the entire menu was chicken and ribs and ribs and chicken, so i had to make do with nachos (its been ages) and...salad? no. fries! doused in vinegar, my new kick. stuffed myself, and had a diet coke to make sure to be awake through the show.

after eating went back to ticket window and made friends with a dude working the computer for me. it became like his mission to find me a golden ticket, and eventually i bought a sidestage SECOND row (get it right, jess =P...major difference there) as insurance because they told me i could trade up if something better opened up. i considered a ninth row floor seat...eh. then a 13th row center seat opened...more eh. i stayed with my sidestage and wound up being even closer than i was the last time. i told wiskeykirk that next show i'll have to join the band because i continue to get closer and closer to the guys.

show highlights and oddities:

-bela fleck and the flecktones. kick ass musicians. awesome two step that they joined in on.
-5 dollar stickers and 30 dollar visors? sorry, dave...no.
-vacuuming the stage after bela and before dmb? i dont get it.
-seeing dave's wife and their new baby that i didnt even know he had beside the stage. little tiny baby wearing big ol sound blocking headphones.

but the absolute coolest weirdest most hilarious thing is this....holy coincidence. sue take note:

before the dmb set i was just sitting in my seat listening to the convo of the couple behind me. they were amazed at their good fortune with tickets and really happy to have the seats that they had. eventually i just invited myself into their chat and blabbed on about riding the will call at shows and day of show ticket sales etc etc. they were really nice, and asked me where i was from. we both assumed the other were from the states (id say 2/3 to 3/4 of the crowd was not montreal native) and wound up both being from here. he asked where i live and where i grew up so i returned the questions. he lives downtown...and the convo went like this:

me: where are you from originally?
he: have you ever heard of baie d'urfe?
me: yeah, i know it. but im embarrassed to tell you how.
he: you should tell me.
me: yknow that show popstars....
he: HE'S MY BROTHER!
me: JUSTIN is your BROTHER????
he: YES!!

oh my god. the hottie justin who addicted me to the show popstars all this time...the super charismatic adorable mega talented cutie... i remember saying i gotta visit baie d;urfe...his BROTHER is sitting behind me and i am chatting with him. it was unreal. we both freaked out. how cool. how crazy. he gave me his email and said he was gonna tell justin he met me and try to hook me up with tix for 'velvet empire'. hahahahaha!! too funny. and i'll totally go, too. totally important factor: they both like pearl jam. k.

i still cant get over it. they were like my buddies behind me all show. i even shared my soda with them. cute couple. and i got the inside scoop. and i sent a message back to justin to ignore the fucking ass judges who said hes got the weakest voice...he's got that watchability that britney has. thats not a common thing. anyway.

i made friends with the guy next to me too...from new brunswick, and i loved him. he was so amped and loving every minute of the show and not at all annoying, even when he clapped along, sang loudly or screamed for dave. he was making me happy. i shared my pen with him for writing down the setlist and after the awesome two step he turned to me and said: that was the most amazing thing i have ever seen. i could die right now and be happy. these are words i have said, i can relate. it was great.

i swear, i think the crowd going mental for the band to come back during the encore break might have been the loudest crowd ive ever been part of, including boston 2000 pj and jones beach. it was deafening. proof positive: when mr new brunswick introduced himself to me after the show finally (he was really good company, it was like being at the show with him and it was fun) it went like this:

he: im dander.
me: who?
he: dander.
me: what?
he: ANNNDREWWWWW.
me: oh! andrew.

duh. i knew it couldnt be dander.

for all who care this was the setlist. it was killer, and its always such a blast to be at their show. a dance fest, even with exhausted legs. i had a great time. and NO FUCKING WATCHTOWER!!! woo! tonight it was the leroi moore band. usually its the carter beauford band, as far as im concerned. the coolest shirt they had was an i <3 DMB shirt a la i <3 NY shirts. cute. but 40 bones. negatory. anyway, the setlist:

so much to say
granny (!!!!!!!)
you never know (new)
lover lay down (!)
rapunzel (AMAZING)
big eyed fish
bartender
what you are
crush
--here dave stepped to the mic and said 'looooooooooooove montreal'. woo! reports are that the montreal show blew away ottawa and toronto. his voice back in fine form and just the band has stepped it up. last time they were here dave was saying how he comes here on his off time sometimes. coolness.--
grey street
where are you going (which i recognized from bridge)
drive in drive out
pig (aww. missed you pbs. if my cell phone wasnt dead i would have called)
sleep to dream her
grace is gone (beautiful)
?? something off everyday that dander couldnt remember the name of)
two step with bela and flecktones
---
E: dave solo: willie nelson's aint it funny how time slips away
full band: #40
ants marching

left the show and it was *cold* out. tons of people everywhere and i nab the first cab i see. waiting at the light some moron stumbles over and opens the car door. the driver tells him to close the door and im like sorry, dude, find another and the guy ignores us both and is like 'maybe you can take us both' and i was like 'shut the door, man, i gotta get home' because the light was green and he was clearly drunk and he said 'where are you going?' and i was like 'man, SHUT THE DOOR' and the cabbie started yelling and the guy just gave up and moved along. what the fuck is with people? no is no and get the fuck out of the way. what a yutz.

sooo...seems a little team known as the montreal expos has snuck into first place in the national league east. fuckin a baby. not only that but we are FINALLY getting some attention at the espn website. the weekend crowds were 11 thousand strong and thats more than double the average from all of last year. vladdy has the most RBIs in the NL and barrett stands right now as the third best slugger in all of baseball. its incredible. if it werent actually happening id say it was unbelievable. and this article is cool as hell. actually, so is this one.

saturday night i was asleep by 7 45. party animal. i was woken up twice by the damn phone...elmo at around 11 and adam at around 2. when i got home from the show i checked my messages and it turned out that adam came to the show tonight...i coulda seen it with him and saved him from his frickin 200 level ticket (amateur hour, i tell ya). he was kind of annoyed too actually. oh well. but im kinda happy the way it turned out. i loved watching andrew rock out and meeting justin's brother was just...i mean...its nutbar.

anywho. work at ten should mean up at 8 and subway to work but i think i should say fuck it for the sake of post concert/blogging sleep and get up at nine and cab it. i mean, tonight was treating myself. took myself to a show and dinner. why not extend it just a tad into my day off. hell yeah. correction: dayS off. mama like. tuesday wednesday here i come.

so yeah. good night.

--celebrate we will 'cause life is short but sweet for certain.--