habit

kind of a strange full circle kind of day. and a very good day.

this morning i had to start super early because we were having a fundraiser for breast cancer research at work. it was wonderful...people were donating with extreme generosity and we the waiters got to put the money in the pot...so it felt like i gave hundreds of dollars. people were just in the spirit of giving, and it showed in their tips as well. everyone was in a good mood. its a shame that people only get behind it once a year (october is breast cancer awareness month)...but its better than nothing.

one of my original customers came in today for the first time in a very long time. he was really really nice, cordially giving me the montrealesque double kisses and though he was a bit grumpy for my taste (guy works the overnight so i cant really blame him...it was his bedtime) i also kind of found myself being just a bit extra touchy nicey with him. hmmm. he asked when i work and said he'd be back. again, hmmm.

i got out of work early and came home and changed for the gym, where i went and worked out like a fiend. half an hour on the treadmill, followed by weight training, followed by another half an hour on the elliptical runner, while i watched the bold and the beautiful. that is such a cheesy soap and anita and i are both guilty of loving it and watching it whenever we can...kind of how it used to be with 90210. we would design entire evenings around watching 90210 back in the day. anyway, i was amused by the soap today because one character has gone to med school and has a doctor/mentor, and the soap hired this dude who looks fucking EXACTLY like noah wyle (carter) from ER. so so so gay. hilarious. i love it.

i came home and stuffed my face with fake chicken and fake hot dogs and some doritos (the perfect post workout snack, no?) and then got ready to go meet anita and j and head over to allen's to pay our respects and finally just talk to him and spend some time with him. i hope it added some happy to his day, which he says have been long and draining. i think it did, we talked and laughed and reminisced and planned and maybe added some normalcy to the total non normalcy of his situation right now. for those who dont know, after a jewish funeral the immediate family sit shiva (meaning 'seven') for a week (hence the 7). mirrors are covered, and distraction such as tv and radio are denied. people come, and come, and come, and come and bring food and food and food and food.

its nice because there are always people around who love you and loved the one you lost and its supportive but its also alot of sitting and talking and probably repeating yourself. anyway...it was good to just be there with him for a while. he definitely is sad and you can tell its hard, but he's doing well. he said he knew for a long time that the eulogy would fall to him and had been mentally preparing himself for it. he said it might sound morbid, but i said it sounded mature. as ive stated before, the guy is amazing.

so.

me and anita and j public transitted home and then it was friends and survivor. friends was cracking me up big time tonight (current favorite friends: joey and ross), but survivor...it was creepy with all that sex accusation crap. it better fall by the wayside....it makes me uncomfortable. those two should be escorted off the show in my opinion. shut them both the hell up. that drama doesnt belong in the game...as anita said it belongs on jerry springer. total bs.

i bought an airwick plug in thing and it smells really nice in a eucalyptus kind of way...but the idea of gently heated oil has me on high fire paranoia. i gotta research this stuff...though i know its been around for two years and the fact that its still on the market must mean its safe. yeah? yeah. they have a 1-800 number. perfect for psychotic neurotic woodette allen types like moi.

oh! the other day anita mentioned to me that she got me a gift but wouldnt tell me what. today as we're walking towards our abodes she thought out loud to both of us 'oh, i should have you come upstairs so i can give you your bag'. woo, she got me a bag! i had just told her the other day how i thought so many of the bags at the gap currently were really nice (and this totally cool jacket which is on sale....woo!) and she goes and gets me one! how fucking sweet and awesome best friendy is that? not only that, but she picked a nice one. its a light brown handbag (sac a main) in leather from india thats woven on one side with some rivets on the side and stitching along the bottom of it. its just real nice. we're both in a bit of a bag phase right now. funny how that happens.

boots too. i need boots. and to get my coat cleaned and repaired where the stitching is out...its kind of an almost famousy beige wool at the collar orangey suede with beige stitching coat....and it needs some help. and so do i since i have a very hard time deciding what i actually even like when it comes to footwear for the winter. but its totally clear: i am in full shopping mode. mama want.

last night i talked to tim...i meant for the call to be just 20 minutes or so, but we wound up talking for a lot longer than that. it was fun, and we had a good round of 'find a good band name'. he also asked me how i was doing in terms of billy, and i was really touched that he remembered about it and asked. sweetheart.

for the record, at present: i am not enjoying my hair. but i think im gonna just let it go/grow over the winter and see what strikes me come spring. at least thats what i say now. short hair dries fast, and im a fan of that. so we'll see.

dave matthews band announced fall tour dates....sadly, no new years date...yet...though wouldnt that be winter tour anyway? the closest theyre coming to me is albany, but in mid to late december its not the most tempting drive. icy highways? im not a fan. dmb? i am a fan. hello paradox. come on new years show!!

anyway, i think im gonna head over to the couch for ten pm tv. without a trace is on, a new show about cops working kidnappings, and i liked it last week...plus my body is just tired...between 2 hours at the gym and an alarm clock that went off torturously at 5:25 this morning, im ready to get whorey-zontal in the dark. bring it on.

putting money in a bucket for a good cause...i recommend it highly. being there for a friend...the same. being appreciated by a friend...good stuff. it was a good day. and tomorrow is a great anniversary. but tomorrow is promised to noone...so no use discussing it now.

--if you have to ask, you'll never know...funky motherfucker will not be told to go--

sheri once taught me this trick....you take a piece of paper stick it between rows of keys on your keyboard and drag it from side to side. cat owners be prepared...you will YIELD a fucking kitten's worth of fur. i just did this for the first time in months and the furball i have....tony the tiger wouldnt have been able to bring this shit up, i'm tellin ya. you gotta try it.

ah the ease of the keys now that all this crud has been removed. sleek and easy....just like their master.

so it was a busy and full day. why dont i fill you'se in?

anita woke me at ten. i was at the gym a bit thereafter and dad picked us up at 12:15 to take us to the funeral home. we met j there and went in to sit down after signing in. i have been to many a funeral, unfortunately...but this one was unlike any other. most often when i go in not knowing much about the person who died, i come out pretty much the same way. that wasnt the case today. the first speaker was someone who went to kindergarten with allen's dad, and were together right through grad school, up until their 60's, up until three days ago. he painted a very full picture of allen's father...and it turns out that i did know him after all....except the person i know is called allen. from what i heard today the acorn didnt fall far from the tree. and that tree is a fine one. a mensch, as my people say.

allen then got up and spoke about his dad for himself and his siblings. he was up there a good while, and not once did he waiver or stumble....he was...he was classic allen. the guy is solid and an inspiration. we weren't surprised, but we continue to be amazed.

there was alot of laughter as the stories came out. humble, music loving, caring, kind guy who walked to his own drum and had a flair for fashion that left most wondering 'how on earth does he put that with THAT!?'. to a tee, this is our friend allen.

after the services anita, j and i walked toward the metro and stopped in at the salvation army and village des valeurs. on the way in to s.a we hear a woman call anita's name from the sidewalk. i look over and its my auntie mary....let me repeat MY auntie mary. notice its not me she recognizes or calls...its ANITA. i was like 'ANITA? helloo!!'. it was funny.

j then split for the chance to watch some hotties in short shorts play with their ball, and me and anita went to shovel greek food down our throats. tayse-tea. and then it was time to shop. she wound up with a pair of roots sneakers, and i got a roots tshirt that simply says canada in red in a neat non capitalized font with a bit of a maple leaf over the final a and nary a roots logo to be seen. good stuff.

by then my damn shoes were working a number on my big toe as they are prone to do. if only i didnt so love the way they look. so dumb.

we managed to make it to igby goes down at 5:15, sticking to our new 'tuesday night at the movies' plan of action. last week anita picked the banger sisters, so it was my choice this week with igby. its a strange movie...i have to say that i am majorly impressed with kieran culkin's acting, and clare danes' boots. man, she has a giant head. susan sarandon is the shit. and ryan phillipe has mastered the fine art of sounding pompous and pretentious with every damn word that comes out of his mouth. the movie, like the funeral today, made you laugh but overall was heavy and somewhat sad. oh, and i thought the sex scene was hot.

the part that got me was where clare danes made a decision that i think if this actually were a snapshot of real people's lives, that she would come to regret. i too have made a decision like that, and if i could redo it i would. at the time i thought the choice offered me was insane, unimaginable, and unrealistic. but now....SO WHAT. i wish i had said yes. i bet she would feel this way too.

which brings me to the conclusion: there are times in life when choices come our way, and they dont arrive in neon lights or with booming volume. they can slip by you subtly and seem laughable, or silly, or a joke. and then down the line, when its too late, when you cant go back...you realize....damn-----i didnt see it coming, and i didnt see it for what it was. no warning. we gotta pay attention, and be careful. and take risks. be careful and take risks. what a great advisor i am.

thats life though. to quote ferris bueller...if you dont stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it. to quote me: don't.

i feel different about life. maybe alot more aware of how quickly and flawlessly it can just END. its painful, and it can be cruel...but its so obvious. we all know its coming for every single one of us. we can sweat it and worry and be miserable. or we can rock the house till the lights go out. what do you think those who have gone before us would urge us to do?

i know my answer. now i just gotta live up to it.

igby goes down: gets my nipple up. you'll have to ask anita what she thinks. i think her jury is still out.

lesson of the day: moose in french is: elan. you heard it here first.

tv moment of the day: fucking the last minute of judging amy!!!!! woooo, i am loving the new tv season. amy and bruce saliva exchange!? that i was so not expecting but SO loving. great start to the season. such an underappreciated show.

anyway i ate too much cracker jacks and my tummy is a bit sore and im thirsty and im gonna fall asleep to last night's csi miami.

oh, and here's a reason you should consider life as good: you dont get fucking 'minigo' commercials. if this is a true statement, you dont know how lucky you are.

--we got just one shot of life, let's take it while we're still not afraid
because life is so brief and time is a thief when you're undecided
and like a fistful of sand, it can slip right through your hands

young hearts be free tonight...time is on your side,
don't let them put you down, don't let 'em push you around,
don't let 'em ever change your point of view--

its a good night to blog. ive got perma grin. tonight was a VERY successful outing to bingo.

kelcey got full card bingo, for the 1000 dollar jackpot. unfortunately, so did someone else, so each took 500 bones. since we play team, me him and chantal divvied it up and were super celebrational.

then the second to last game of the night, the other 1000 dollar round was upon us. somehow kelcey was one number away from bingo again, but someone else called it. we were so bummed. and the next number out was the number he needed. now we were ultra bummed.....and then it turned out the person who called that bingo had made a mistake, and out came N 43 and mofo we fucking won it AGAIN!!!!!! but had to spit it again. but still. i have 333 dollars and 33 cents that i didnt have before.

i love me some fucking motherfucking bingo. i acknowledge the white trash stephanie, and embrace her. praise be bingo halls everywhere.

its been a loooooong time. i had me a cold and was just not in creative mindframe.

the expos finished the season in 2nd place...im very proud of them boys. saturday night as far as im concerned vladdy made history and became the 4th ball player to ever hit 40 homers and steal 40 bases in a season. fuck those fucking moron umps who had it out for him. that ball was out, i saw it with me own eyes. i dont care what anyone else says. end story. i wont even mention the ump who on sunday called vlad strike three on a check swing that tho was in the dirt was nowhere even close to the base, let alone crossing it in full. fuck him, fuck them, and fuck it all. vlad is #4.

im actually pretty interested in the post season. i want to see the twins take it as far as they can. they were the other team alongside the expos slated for contraction by bud selig, that loathsome stupid prick in a basket. that idiot wanted to contract a team on the brink of contention, and a team that is contending. i spit on him. go twins!!

work has been work. nothing new or thrilling to report there.

i remain perpetually single, as ever.

man, i havent written in so long that ive lost my chops. im drawing blanks. i guess its being out of practice combined with still needing to catch up on sleep in a big way. ive been going to the gym alot, and watching tv and just being very chill. ive been craving weird shit lately...im guessin my monthly friend, my aunt flo, the red baron will be joining me shortly.

tv that makes me happy: boomtown, survivor, the amazing race starting this week!!, all the law and orders and even some csi here and there, and friends.

tv that makes me cringe: will and grace has its moments but lord i hate grace. i hate the david spade show, just shoot me. that what i say whenever i am stuck watching that show. its a punishment.

the tragically hip are playing two shows in the next two weeks, in a small theater. weird venue for them, cant see how dancing and rocking out will go down there...will i be in attendance? i cant really say for sure. i loved them when i saw them after pj 2000 tour..and i am jonesing for some good live music...but i dunno.

i bought anaconda for 4.99 because owen wilson is in it. i keep falling asleep to it, ive been watching it for over 3 weeks. and the snake done got him now. do i really need to watch the rest? j lo and ice cube granted are two of the best actors of the century...but still. =P

ok im gonna head to the couch and watch the third watch season premiere that i taped while winning big bingo bucks.

my friend al's father passed away last night. if he was anything like his son, he couldnt have been anything short of great and super kind, and because of that i know a lot of people must be hurting, and the world has lost another treasure. i never met his dad, but i knew he was suffering, and it gives me calm to know that that is over for him. i hope his family feels it too.

anyway. i saw rudy guiliani on oprah today, and this woman was on from nyc who lost her father, her husband and her son all in the same year. and she was on the show and said how life is full of sadness and loss....and because of that you have to celebrate the good times even harder. what an amazing woman, to me far more inspiring than the mayor himself. i dont know that i could get off the ice, to refer to my favorite elvis stojko metaphor....but man here's this woman who metaphorically broke both skates and the ice melted and her leg broke...and she's still dancing. incredible people out there.

anyway....eat, drink and be merry.

xo