habit

i am in no mood.

last night i was asleep by 10:30...but alas at 11:30 i was woken up, once again, by my downstairs neighbors. the music was there, but not so bad...but last night accompanying it was endless fucking banging around, slamming, stomping....windows up here rattled. this went on till...midnight? one? NO. till at least 2:30 in the morning and i was awake and rather alarmed and annoyed the whole time. and up at 5 for work.

toss in yet another argument with one of the two people i cant seem to not argue with and it was pure bliss.

so im exhausted.

after work i went to see 'the grey zone' with my dad, which is a very gruesome and heavy story from the holocaust...so much so that when it ended i said 'i dont mean to be callous but i could have NOT known this stuff' and my father said 'no, you HAVE to know this stuff and tell these stories so that it never happens again'. and i know thats true...because there was some heroic stuff in this movie and without this movie it would all have been in vain because most people would never know. anyway...it was heavy.

the bass downstairs is pumping. they give me no rest these motherfuckers. and i dont mean to be dramatic, especially given the true atrocities in life, but they are ruining my home dwelling existence. i dont want to fight or win...i just want everyone to live happily and they arent holding up any end of such a bargain. im at my wits end. i called the landlord's son and he is going to ask them if they heard any noise friday night and if they knew what it was, because there were complaints. when he was on the phone with me i went down to ask them to please please give it a rest, but they couldnt even hear me knocking, and then i wimped out. but i dont know how much more of this i can take. they are holding me fucking prisoner in my own home.

i took an easy ten bucks of someone at work who bet me that binaural was an acoustic record. i mean, come on! i told him when we bet that if i was right, that binaural was most certainly not in the least acoustic, that he could give me ten bucks...but that if he was right i would give him three hundred dollars. and he still took the bet. silly silly lad. anyway, he and i went to futureshop to settle the bet, and i wound up buying both everyday and busted stuff by the dmb...even tho im not really allowed new cds till my liners are all made. anyway, the only reason i mention any of this is because i am listening to it now, but the bass is coming from the apartment below. even with my music on i STILL here their shit. this is no way to live. they are so intrusive and disruptive and disrespectful. FUCK.

ok i hate everyone and everything right now.

later much.

nothin much doin.

saw the ring with anita. its so fun to be scared, and watch the screen out of the corner of your eye, and watch your best friend hiding completely behind her hat. at one point my heart rate was so high that i was breathing heavy. but overall...it had a bunch of holes and useless moments....but it was fun. not bad. not great. good time.

snow on the ground, wet and slushy and gross. the fucking leaves are still on the trees. what the fuck. i hope it clears up...i dont want to stress the drive to albany for the other ones.

speakin of which, i wrote a bio for joel's vernissage of corkboards. i think it came out kind of good. better than i expected. good excercise.

one of the hoses on my washing machine has sprung a leak. i thought the cat peed on the floor...turns out: no. so now i need some assistance to either change the hose or tape it up...which requires moving my fridge and dryer and is quite the bitch. i had my perv nasty landlord up here to take a look, and man i hate having him here with nobody else around. from an email i wrote about it:

anyway, fucking landlord, man. he had to move the fridge so i could wedge
through to get him a flashlight and he was all 'you not fat, you not fat'
and he wouldnt let go of the fridge that i was wedging by cuz i think he
wanted to cop a feel of the bazoongas so i made him hold the mop. and as i
bent down to get the flashlight i know he is just staring at my ass. when
it was all done he does what he always does when he's up here with me...he
gets in my way in front of the door to the stairs. this time he grabbed my
head and kissed me on the cheek, and i pulled away because i know he is
controlling himself to not go for my mouth, and i would vomit if he did.
then he kind of slapped my cheek twice, the way a father would to his kid,
except he's way strong and it actually hurt. i told him he's too strong and
he said 'you strong too' and PATTED MY ASS in the stairwell. this is what i
have to put up with. because i dont have the heart to say 'hey dirty old
man with fucking four foul ass brown stinking teeth...DONT TOUCH ME'. it
disgusts me that he does it, and that i feel like i have to put up with it
and that i do. he knows it makes me uncomfortable...but he's so strong that
i worry that one day he wont stop himself and actually try something. you
should have seen him move the fridge. he's old, but the guy is strong like
ox. to quote him. but its not like he and i communicate on the same level.
if i said anything hed put up this innocent act and pretend to be offended
and make me seem like i was insane and what im really worried about is that
hed stop helping me when i need it and start working on getting me out. and
i love this place. he's like the sleazy smiling uncle some girls have to grow up with. yuck.

joy.

what else? i slept through my yoga class today and its been kind of a slow mover. still went to the gym, then bought a few grocery things, then came home and watched the rest of general hospital. hey, brenda is back so its worth watching again. hehe. jax best be leaving that hussy skye to get back with brenda. =P then vaccuumed and cleaned and sorted a bit, and printed two recipes from the oprah website.

one of em is for fettucine alfredo. i dont eat any cream sauce type stuff....i just gave it up a long time ago. since i dont eat pasta except for in asian cuisine, this has been virtually no problem...but alfredo is pretty cozy to eat. one of oprah's chefs had a recipe for it with no cream...but with white beans instead. some family tried it out and even the kids liked it...so im gonna give it a shot with some whole wheat pasta. oh what a thrillride my life is.

id really like to meet some boys to go out with. how come nobody knows ONE person they think i should meet or should meet me? where have all the cowboys gone? pam thinks i should join j-date..a. jewish online dating service. i just never thought id be shopping for a male. there's something really unnatural about that. i mean, ive had internet boyfriends before, and they were both really great guys...but i met them out of shared interests...not from picking them out of a line up or a single men pool. not to mention jewish is so not a priority for me. i dont know if i should stick to my instincts which tell me thats not how i want to meet a guy, its unnatural, or if i should try something unconventional that i think is kind of desperate but try it anyway. why cant some cute boy just make an appearance at the gym or at work or at a store or or or or or !?

whine whine whine.

its a good night to take a bath. the amazing race isnt on for some godforsaken reason, and i have this sweet smelling almond stuff for the bath that ive yet to try. which reminds me...i need to find out where the local lush store is. i wanna do me some spending over yonder.

got my renewal slip for my driver's license and medicare card. thankfully! its the same picture for both cards, and this last one was hideous. i look like a freakin linebacker in need of a haircut. its pretty brutal.

i also got a package from my favorite salad dressing company. i wrote them to tell them that they were and they said theyd send me a goody bag. holy goody bag! FOUR free bottles of different dressings, and an apron and bag to boot. too awesome. they rule.

still no luck on the dave matthews ticket front. and no word from miss anita as to whether she's still into the ottawa show set up. *hint hint*

havent been getting along too well with two people, both of whom it effects me greatly to not get along with. funny how that is. not the best. feeling kind of blah as a result. whatever. tis the season, i guess.

played bingo with kelcey and his friend and friends wife, and his bro and bro's wife. became concerned when first conversation was about wedding thank you cards that i had entered helltown for the next three hours, but wasnt the case. wound up being really a fun time, even if we didnt win diddly squat.

watching cnn at the gym was a travesty. men in suits trying to analyze winona ryder, saying how her 'highly deranged' character in girl interrupted said she liked stealing to see if she could get away with it....man, what a fucking sad joke. so she stole. who gives a flying fuck!? how dare they pass that off as important news!? they really insult their viewing audience...americans should be outraged. they showed winona coming into court about 15 times in as many minutes...the exact same clip over and over. HELLO!! THIS IS NOT NEWS. in a world full of plenty stuff that needs light shed on it, that needs to be brought to people's attentions....what they do with winona could not be less meaningful. jesus christ.

ok, thats all i got. hey mother nature: easy with the snow, biatch. lighten up, sister. make with the sun.

later skater.

--i've got a lack of inhibition
i've got a loss of perspective
i've had a little bit to drink
and it's making me think
that i can jump ship and swim
that the ocean will hold me
that there's got to be more
than this boat i'm in--