habit

a few minutes ago i actually became slightly dizzy because of fatigue. three 5:30 shifts are just too many. this cant go on much longer, and luckily, it wont.

it was a good day. people wise, money making wise, coworker wise...all around. ever since that letter came in where someone suggested 'stephanie must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed' ive been so good about being nice and pleasant and friendly all the time. its gotten to be like a game...if a customer asks me something that my instincts react to with extreme annoyance, i take a small breath and just make like its the most normal request in the world. and its been paying off. my customers seem really happy and i have so many regulars now...its alot of fun.

today i had a table where this girl goes 'are you stephanie?' and i said 'i am' and she said 'im joey's nanny'. turns out my favorite family sent their nanny to eat in their absence, while they are off skiing for the first time. i thought that was sweet...and its payin my rent to boot. =)

now that the racist bastard is gone, its so fun at work. much quieter, much calmer, much less aggressive. i like everyone, every single person, give or take two. so its easy to have a good day. and thats good.

enough work babble. can you tell im tired?

after work dad took me to lush, so i could refill my vices....'the strokes' hair mask, 'angels on bare skin' face wash, and 'gumbo express smoothie' shower scrub (aint no soap goin on over here up north neither, florida). when i walked in the girl that served me last time went 'HIIII!!!' and i was like 'you remember me?' and she said 'of course' and told me how last time i totally made her day. aww. i like breaking up the monotony for retail/store/cashier type employees sometimes...i just get goofy and playful. side note: this girl has the best hair ever. all seperated thick curls, but not too much so that it looks heavy. jealous. anyway, i officially love their karma perfume, but their stuff is not cheap so i couldnt justify adding it to my small haul. next time. forever next time.

oh, and more bonus points for citre-shine shampoo/conditioner...the good hair girl told me right away that my hair looked really shiny and nice. its all citre shine. impressive for a pharmacy brand. its good shit. im gonna write me a letter. =)

good hair girl also gave me a sample of 'dream cream' which is rumored to cure psoriasis and my dad is in desperate need for just that. nice of her to not make me buy it but give me a freebie. if it works we'll go buy it in vats. he tried a bit on his hands and did it ever moisturize them, deeply. made them soft too. there is hope.

we went to see antwone fisher, or antwone shmidt as my dad called it at first. lol. which is funnier when you know that the other day anita mentioned how she and j attempted to go see 'about schultz'. HAHAHA, im laughing so hard right now.

ok, back to normal (or my version of it). i liked it alot, though it was frustrating at a part and as my dad said 'a lot of talking'. but it was really well acted and has good emotional drawstrings. im such a movie-crying-sucker. and i love it.

what i dont love right now is fucking butthole gary carter. yes, i skipped work to get his bobble head. yes, i was all rah rah rah to get him into the hall of fame, which he did earlier this week, and i was very happy about it. the first expo to ever make it in. and he should be saying things like 'i am HONORED to be the first expo to get into the hall of fame'. and two days ago he was on a local sports talk show and he said pretty much that. 'i love montreal, it was all in montreal, i cant wait to have the expos hat hanging' etc. then TODAY in the paper they quote him saying 'ive always considered myself a met. i want to wear the mets cap in the hall of fame. the expos could cease to exist next year, and what would that get me?'

WHAT WOULD THAT GET ME? that doesnt even RHYME with honored. what the fuck is he even talking about?? it wouldnt change a fucking thing, carter you dumb fucker. man. his years in montreal were what made him special, his years in new york were nothing more than run of the mill. luckily, he doesnt get to choose and hopefully the hall of fame judges or whoever will do the right thing and enter him as an expo. fuck him anyway, now....he can eat dirt. two faced weaselly turkey. he done ruined it by messin with the town that loved him. what would that get me. my boot up yer arse, thats what.

so mike watt is playing tonight, not far. but i cant do it. im too tired, and even if i werent...well maybe if i werent. but the fact that right now its freakin 21 below zero with the windchill...not happening. i feel very fortunate to have my well heated apartment tonight. very fortunate. because there are alot of people right now...its better not to think about it. but its impossible not to, when its this cold.

i just remembered i saw a terrible thing at work today. so sad that i had to fight from just breaking into tears, and i wasnt the only one. but sometimes you have to suck it up because you cant just buckle and weaken people who need to be strong. but i dont want to mention it. lets just say working near a children's hospital sometimes smacks you upside the head with what really matters in this life, and that we should be grateful for every day we have when we are in perfect health.

and thats good to go out on.

so i get to sleep in till 8 tomorrow. let the joyous slumbers begin.

xo

--questions rise and answers fall--

if i were more productive than i was on my days off then id have to be bearing children.

i:

-took mac to the vet, as you know.
-did my banking, including paying my first ever credit card bill, which i might add i did in a timely fashion.
-sadly said goodbye to vanessa who departed this aft for her ireland trip. it was so sad. but it'll make for good stories when she gets back. and its nice to have made this friendship, and to have it.
-finally, finally, fucking finally got home insurance. from the same peeps as ak&j. good deal, and its about time.
-and, of course, finally, finally, finally switched my provider over to a place where i will receive full service in return for full payment, which unfortunately was not the case ever since the early summer with info-internet. i must say, the connection through videotron is pretty nice. now that all the kinks are worked out, anyway. i dont get booted and its pretty quick. and the service techs are nice.

and its the weekend. ive been having a bit of back spasmy pain, especially in the lower back. at least there i can reach it, and two nights ago had to perform a ben gay fest on it to get to sleep. its been better since then.

whoever named angel food cake angel food cake did a bang up job. it is the stuff of angels. you can eat an entire QUARTER of the cake, for like zero fat and very few calories. slap some lemon gelatto on there, like i did for dessert tonight, and you got yourself the full monty. soooooo good, and not bad for you either. this whole 'no eating as soon as dinner is done until the next day' thing is taking some getting used to. last night all i wanted to do was keep munching. im probably overstuffing myself at dinner as a result, but i'll get it worked out soon enough. and i might be crazy, but i think i see results just from this last week of eating this way, and 7 days straight of working out. im gonna start paying attention to the scale...i want to mark my results as they come...when they come....if they come? no, its going well.

i love eminem's album, the one before the eminem show. the one with 'will the real slim shady please stand up' on it. im so two years ago. but i dont care. its so funny. the christopher reeves stuff he says...its so wrong. eminem is like my brother. saying shit that makes you laugh mostly because you know you shouldnt be laughing. plus the record has a good beat you can dance to.

but my favorite thing right now is the song 'grey street' by the dave matthews band. its not the message or the story of the song, and its not that i relate to the character in the song...i mean i can in some ways, but im not her at all. its just that the song has everything. you want to sing along, you want to dance along...the drums are perfect, the horns are great...its just so so so good. great build up. i already started checking their site for tour dates, and i know they wont let me down. they always come around.

tomorrow night watt is playing very nearby. my interest level in that is a 7.8 on 10. i forgot to mention it to anita when i spoke to her earlier though.

alex can take full credit for my archives being on this page. thanks alex. =)

this morning i served chantal's cousin, who i like to spoil. i decided to make him a snazzy coffee to go, and i whipped up some foam and such and poured it all in a cup. the milk i used was marked january 18th, and i opened it fresh myself. but the drink looked a little...thick. he and i were both skeptical, but we both saw that it was new milk. so he took a sip of the foam and his face totally contorted and the poor kid because the milk had somehow soured way before due without ever being opened and i went from rolling out the red carpet for him to needing to dial the poison center (total exaggeration) in one fell swoop. and i couldnt stop laughing, so im sure my 'im so sorry's were less than 100 percent sincere sounding. but he was laughing too.

ok im running later than i want to be...i haves to be up at 5. joy. dont be jealous.
time to hop in the shower.

oh, i nearly forgot to mention two things:
1. hugh grant was on canada AM, and i taped it. woo!
2. i got email from nick. of all people. the surprise of the year so far.

gnighty.

--she just goes stumbling through her memories--

after much blood, sweat and tears (and f-words) i got this sucker up and running. welcome to the new home! thanks to alex and derrick who have patience beyond to be able to put up with me, but lets be honest folks...it was all me.

=)

too bad it took so long that i no longer have time to blog. maybe after couch tv, but i doubt it.

so i'll see you here tomorrow.

woo!

xo

moi

--everything has chains, absolutely nothing's changed--

fuck.

test test oh mama this is a test

ATTENTION ATTENTION!!!!!

PLEASE RELOCATE YOUR ASSES OVER HERE WHERE THE PARTY WILL NOW BE:

http://pages.infinit.net/oshuns

the journal you all know and love will be living there from now on. please feel free to send housewarming gifts. in the form of cash.
=))

same bat time, new bat channel.
xo

ps--new email is oshuns@videotron.ca

attention.
can i have your attention please.

you can now reach me by email at oshuns@videotron.ca
oshuns@info-internet.net is still functional too, but you best update and get used to the new stylings. cuz change is upon me my friends. i like the new addy because it has 'ca' in it, which is short for canada. and since canada kicks ass, so does my new email address. wouldnt you agree?

if yes continue on to next paragraph.
if no then my bum's on your lips, and continue on to next paragraph.

today i got on the horn and called in some quotes from different insurance companies. didnt sign up with any of them yet, but hope to tomorrow. i did call and sign up with videotron for my new dialup so my posts will be visible by all in the newsgroup world. im sad to leave info-internet behind but it comes down to service and after all this time its very aggravating to be told a problem is fixed when i deal with it every day. i know i will regret it every time im stuck on hold for twenty minutes when im having connection problems...but what can i do? ive been paying them in full for less than full back. so its over. at least it will be on feb 11.

i'll post the new address for this site here as soon as i know what it will be. woo! alex and sheri, prepare for mass stephanie moves her website tutorials.

i took mac to the vet. i took him for three reasons:
1. his eyes are pink and make crusty shite all the time and get red when i pick them off and its been so long that im worried he'll go blind.
2. he's started wheezing/snoring a bit and im worried that its because he's too fat and his heart cant take it. not that my cats are so fat, they arent. they're like me. =)
3. his scaly skin around his tail...i want it cured.

so i got drops for #1, and the noises in #2 dont have anything to do with his heart, cats just start doing that sometimes. the vet said he is only a little overweight, and since i put them on diet food it should all be fine. bugger weighs 15 pounds. #3 is no big woop either...she says macky has the equivalent of acne, and that a bath would fix it for a bit, but then it would likely come back and that its hardly worth the stress on me and the feline, so screw it.

so its all good, right?

wrong.

mac has some tartar build up on his teeth. she showed me his back choppers and they are so far from white, he looks like he smokes a pack a day. his gums around those teeth are not looking good at all. he needs a cleaning. no big woop, right?

wrong.

for a cat to get a cleaning they need to be anaesthetized. (tho im gonna look online for viable second opinions). but because of his heart murmur, he isnt a good candidate for anaesthetic, and to be sure it'll be ok the doctor recommends he get an ultrasound. they said the same before i had him fixed and i just let them do it and he was fine...but now he's two years older than that. so an ultrasound costs about 250. plus, the actual dental process would cost about 200. BOOM. i wasnt prepared for that. but if i dont get his teeth taken care of, his gums are gonna bleed. his teeth will shake and possibly fall out. i see the damage there already. she said its not alot of tartar, just that he must be sensitive to it. and the tartar means bacteria, and bacteria can add to a heart condition and UGH its just not good.

imagine what its like having a kid. youve got to have nerves of steel and ALOT of money. why cant cats get medicare?!

so i dont know what im gonna do. i started by buying a kitty toothbrush that i wear on my finger like a puppet, with some poultry flavored toothpaste (yum yum, who needs mentadent?) that mac seems to like, so at least it wont get worse. but hayzeus cryste, i need to go back to the casino and win me some 4 hunnerd more dollars. lord.

so that *sucked*. mac was a trooper tho. he didnt meow too wildly in the car, and he got right back in his cage when it was time to go home. and he isnt holding a grudge against me for tricking him in there in the first place using treats. the vet had to tip the carrying case and dump him out on the table to get him out of there, but he was really good with her once he was out. poor little guy took a thermometer in the tussy. and he didnt give me a hard time with the eyedrops. tho he'll have plenty of time to, 3 times in each eye every day for ten days. it makes me so sad to do it. breaks my heart. but it's gonna help. its gonna help.

went to hip hop class tonight. it was so much fun. the class was packed with lots of new folks so it was fun dancing circles around them with the three other regulars. hehe. and stephanie, the teacher, introduced me to another teacher who just got back from australia for his two week vacation. i liked him alot, but he'd be more into my brother if you know what i mean. but still, its good meeting good people. before hip hop i tried a 'yoga dance' class which was eh, and a class on those giant bouncy balls. im sure i'll break my neck on it if i get on it again.

that new missy elliot song is on the new mix of hip hop tunes, the one that gets stuck in my head for hours when i hear it, and where she discusses her need to shave her 'chocha'. how classy. but still, i like it. more scary is that jenny from the block is on there too, and i dug it. and the new justin. and some britney and christina. raise your hand if you're almost 32!

/me raises hand.

but i love it. i sweat more in there than anywhere else. even than on the treadmill, where i now can run a 9 minute and 40 second mile. i also enjoy doing interval training, where i'll walk at a fat burning heart rate for 3 minutes, then run as fast as i can for 1 minute, for a half hour. fun stuff. but you gym skimmers are skimming so i'll drop it. i just feel good about it.

basically, this is all. i slept in till 11:36 am this morning. the sun coming through the window is what woke me, and i was shocked as hell to see it wasnt 7:30 or 9 in the morning. i havent slept 'late' like that in a long time. isnt that thrilling to know? i knew it was. thats why i shared it. the sun is long gone. its been snowing for hours. ok, thats it. im talkin bout the weather. y-a-w-n.

--who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? was it you number two?--

you gotta love gst day. thank you canadian government.

the trainee i have was sposed to show up for opening. she was 2 and a half hours late, and came in looking like death warmed over. she said she stayed up the night studying the menu, yet didnt seem to know the menu in the least. i dont know what her story is. she's good at serving the tables, but i feel like theres some behind the scenes stuff going on there that makes me not want to trust her. and im usually so naive about stuff like that, i just trust openly without question. but not with her. she reminds me of sebastien, for long time readers. we'll see how it plays out.

im really tired. i bought new conditioner and am pretty happy with the product. ive been using the matching shampoo for awhile. makes the hair shiny like, as advertised. citre shine, gets two nipples up.

speaking of my movie review system, work was so dead and boring that i tried to make a list of every movie i saw in the theaters in 2002. i came up with 24 of them...im thinking there were quite a few more. but when youre as fucked with chronology as i am its very hard to know what you saw at the start of 2002 vs what was in 2001 etc.

i know for sure i saw:
panic room/8 mile/red dragon/insomnia/the ring/signs (twice)/
about schmidt/gangs of new york/the pianist/catch me if you can/the grey zone/
i spy/igby goes down/frida/two weeks notice/resident evil/minority report/
about a boy/punch drunk love/bowling for columbine/road to perdition/knockaround guys/
the emperor's club/the banger sisters/mr deeds/i am sam/blackhawk down/behind enemy lines/

not a bad haul. the only ones i didnt dig were resident evil (blame joel) and punch drunk love. the grey zone was seriously heavy and harsh, and knockaround guys was really rough around the edges, and the best part of insomnia was the scenery...but they were all still more good than not.

before the oscars i need to see: the good girl, adaptation, chicago, far from heaven. the 25th hour (cant wait), confessions of a dangerous mind and antwone fisher.

i am fully addicted to a new food product. the company is momo's vegetarian kitchen, and they have veggetarian 'drummettes' and 'nuggets'. both have this incredible texture...i cant stop eating them. in fact, there are none left on the shelves at the corner store. i done bought them out. and they better restock SOON.

ok, the monday mission, and then to bed for third watch. argh, most of this ive already covered....so that'll make it fast.

1. What is one of your favorite things to wear?

hmm, i have to think about...no, i got it. my montreal t shirt. its baseball style short sleeve, with black on the sleeves and collar, and montreal written in black on it. without the accent on the e. i also enjoy my tabarnac tshirt. i love my city.

2. Did you get any "dud" gifts for the holidays? Will you return them?

nope, just candy and condoms.

3. Let's do a few "Best of 2002" thoughts. What was the best movie of 2002? Why did you pick that one?

best is stupid. i can only say my favorite. which was probably....hrm, theres not a wild standout one like american beauty was. i LOVED the hugh grant movies for sure, about a boy and two weeks notice, and i really enjoyed the spielbergs too, catch me and minority report. bowling for columbine was really great, and there were a bunch on video i really liked too. i cant pick this year, too much good stuff.

4. What world event of 2002 made an impact on you?

im so tired i can think of nothing. hehe. pearl jam playing the showbox? does that count? =P ok, i guess thats not a world event. there's got to be something positive that went down...the expos almost making wild card? hehe, i got nothing.

5. What personal event of 2002 was the most memorable?

sigh. im not going there tonight.

6. Is there anything in 2002 (decisions, relationships, purchases, etc.) that, looking back, you would have done differently?

yes, yes, yes, yes. but life doesnt work this way. and it is how it is. no time for regrets. and all but one situation are easy to live with.

7. Shine up your magic crystal ball and look into the future. What do you think will happen in your life in 2003? Or, what would you like to happen in 2003?

i smell a jinx. i aint touchin this one with a ten foot pole. but my mom told me always to not be afraid to ask for what you want, right out loud. but im not doing that here. =)

BONUS: Was it somethin' I said or somethin' I did, did my words not come out right?

every rose does have its thorn. oh brett michaels, how deep you runneth.

speaking of music, i listened to eminem at the gym tonight. first the eminem show, and then the earlier album, with stan on it. that earlier one is awesome, i really loved it. gonna have to get it now. this one was a loaner. eminem...he's a fucked up dude, but he makes me laugh and he's smart and bold and his delivery is awesome and i love his word talent. i love any and all word talent. he's got it in spades.

but i digress. time for third watch.

--will smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records...well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too--

yesterday it snowed all day. non stop. i woke up before my alarm, at about 4:30 AM, and just watched the snow fall in the glow of the streetlight. i was listening to the tragically hip's live between us, the song was: courage, as i walked home from the gym. i havent heard this disc in a very long time, because i had loaned it out. anyway, as i prepared to climb my stairs my eyes landed on the untouched snow on the lowest step. it had accumulated all day, and was fluffy and clean. the streetlight caused diamond like sparkles on its surface. in the split second it took for me to think 'pretty', the EXACT same time gord downie, singer of the hip, started improving on the song. the words he said were: 'its getting snowy in montreal'.

i couldnt believe it, and then it just made me smile so big. what kind of universal alignment it took for that moment to occur to me while those words were spoken in that song...its astronomical. OR, its completely random. either way, it was one of those moments where life just is life and you have to laugh.

see, the hip have a song called montreal, written about the ecole polytechnique massacre. i heard this song live when i saw them at the molson center in 2000, for the first time. before that, i didnt know it existed, and i sure didnt know they played some of it during courage on live between us. he follows 'its getting snowy in montreal' with 'snow is so merciless for old montreal'.

it was the kind of simple yet great moment that couldnt be captured in a film. and i didnt want to speak of it...it would lose its magic i think. but writing it down gives it due tribute.

yesterday my favorite family came in and julia drew a picture of me and her thats going on my fridge. in it, she wrote my name, with the 's' backwards. adorable. we're holding hands in the drawing, and she drew herself much bigger than me. too cute. her brother, joe, ordered 'eggies'. i love that boy. they both were calling me by name for the first time, and got all silly hiding behind napkins at the end. great family.

i had fun playing with them too because i have a very competent trainee who can run the show on her own. so much so that she was on her own today when someone called in sick. another favorite customer came in, and as he often does, he had a new young thing on his arm. he is a mega flirt and always gives me a hug and two kisses when he comes in, and always introduces me to whoever he's with. like most of my regs, i know what he wants by heart. when he said goodbye to me today, he gave me the double cheek kisses, and he doesnt do it all fast, he really plants them on me....and he spoke all low to me, saying 'she said 'you two seem rather close' to me and i told her we had a thing'. hehehe, he's so bad, but i find it hilarious that im in on his inside joke. i always blush after he leaves and everyone makes fun of me.

anywho.

last night me and anita and j went to bingo and didnt win. we were one number away from 12 grand at one point, and from one grand at another. fucking B6, where were you when i needed you?

im pretty tired. i worked out like a fiend today, and like a semi fiend yesterday. plus i gotta open tomorrow AND be training right from 5:30. basically, i wanted to document that snow moment before i forgot it. so now i have. so im goin to the couch.

take it easy, y'all. ps--stay tuned for a new site addy. im lookin to change providers, gradually. should be done by feb 11.

nighty poo.

here are those hip lyrics to montreal, and here's a link to the story, in case you never knew. be warned. its gruesome. i never knew any of this personal stuff about him before...i just remember the focus being that he hadnt been accepted, and that he resented women for taking 'his place' in the program. sick motherfucker.

anyway....bleh. such a nice story about snow and music dampered by history and its villains. i thought of deleting it because i dont want to be a downer, but i cant. 14.

all right. bed time.

--went back to bed this morning
and as i'm pulling down the blinds
i saw the sky was dull
and hypothetical
and falling one cloud at a time--