habit

how does the song go? oh yeah. im still alive.

hi, my name is stephanie, and its been 13 days since my last blog.
cue the blogaholics: its about damn time, stephanie.

so everything is going well, and at the same time it isnt. im ok and im not. im not going to really elaborate or dwell for fear of getting down, and i dont mean getting down in a 'hey put on some p-funk' i mean it more literally. anyway...still no job. still no word from employment insurance people as to whether they are gonna put me on their payroll. in the meantime, its been a month with no income, and staring into the abyss of my bank account has become increasingly worrysome. and it doesnt sit well with me. it makes me all jumpy in the stomach and like i should tug at my hair and eat a litre of ice cream. but im doing neither.

instead, im applying for jobs left right and center. i have an interview tomorrow at a hotel for breakfast service, but im not gonna get too excited about that because i dont know how great an opportunity it is. wednesday im going to meet a manager at my worst case scenario location, because its about that time. i thought losing my job would be for the best, but ive yet to see that come to fruition.

although, it has made for good writing. when the class and teacher go over my stuff they drown me in positive feedback, and its really nice. they tell me all my pieces have good flow and realistic characters and that i build tension well and that im just enjoyable to read. so its building my nerve to start on a book. and truth be told...i think i might have. just snapshots of the main character at different stages in her life. i dont know. im scared to commit to it. if i officially start it, then i have to officially finish it too.

my leg is healing up pretty well i think. i can walk on the treadmill again...now i can do two miles in a half hour, where before the injury i was doing 7-8 miles...but whatever. its progress. no more limping. no more severe jolts of pain.

my instant messenger isnt working tonight and so i blog.

why does gas have to be so expensive when i finally have the car, and when i dont have any money to put towards gas? such is life.

im increasingly psyched for pearl jam shows, tho always haunted in my gut by the possibility of being broke and homeless by then and that im in full denial. the chili peppers are coming to town too, and im very psyched about that too, its been since 99 since i saw them and its gonna be big fun and dancing. woo. hello, mr frusciante, here, may i hold your shirt for you?

what else. saw the movie narc. good stuff.
what else. am still into american idol like crazy, and woo, theres a new survivor. ok, so it was pretty fucking boring and the hot guy got booted on the first episode, but im still hopeful. i still cheered like a jackass during the immunity challenge, and thats what keeps me coming back. go girls team! even though you're boring.

what else. hehe. nothing.
im tired, and its a big day tomorrow, so im heading to the couch to watch the crap i taped just for falling asleep purposes. oh...there was someone i wanted to see on letterman tonight i think....hahaha, dr phil! dave has been making fun of him for months, so this should be good. theres an awesome site for knowing who is coming on the talk shows....you can find that here. see, cuz of this page now i know steven wright will be on with dave on friday. and will ferrell tonight with kilborn. nice. i didnt have to tape crap after all.

ok later. i'll be more inclined to write when i have stuff to feel good about. its a tough time, im stressed. sorry.

--sometimes life dont leave you alone--