habit

today at work i helped marie clear one of her tables, that was scattered with milkers and creamers that we bring with coffee. i noticed that the majority of them were opened but still about 97% full, maybe something the people who ate there thought would be the height of hilarity to do. i dont know. i pointed it out to her so that she wouldnt accidentally spill them everywhere, and WHAM i was filled with the memory of my grandmother sitting in a restaurant and opening them up and drinking them, much to the horror of me and my mother. 'bubby, just order a glass of milk.' 'no, no dear, this is fine.' oh dear.

sometimes its easy to forget that she died. over the last years, i lost her more and more with every stroke, and grieved for her while she was still on the planet. of course the actual death is something different, but the facts are that she got a raw deal, and an end to that was for the best as her life would have been no life at all. the raw deal makes you want to shake your fists at the sky, but since its unchangeable, its easier to deal with her being at peace than living and suffering with it. but i miss her, and i wanted to document this.

memories are incredible things.

s