Murderous Gulls
Par Pier-Yves Trépanier
I arrived in this town
By a gloomy afternoon.
It was not dark because of the clouds
But of the gulls that were flying above us.
There were so many of them
That they had hidden the whole sun.
The day of my arrival
What I had as welcome
Was just those stupid gulls
Shitting in my windshield.
Their shit was so acid
That it went through
My poor car's window.
I asked myself: Why?
Why were there so many of them?
But I never found the answers
Well, not yet ...
When I entered my new apartment
I had to chase away the gulls
Which were playing on my balcony.
Then, I looked by the window
And what I saw stunned me:
There were gulls everywhere
On every houses
At the top of each lamppost
Even in the street.
It was infested.
On the other side of the road
I was not surprised
To see that there was ... a McDonald
Being exhausted by the move
I was too lazy and tired
To make something to eat.
So, because I didn't know the neighbourhood
I chose to go to this ugly restaurant.
I went out of my house
Went down the stairs
And arrived on the street.
I had no difficulty crossing it
Because the cars were all stopped.
It was so because of the gulls.
They had invaded the whole street
So the cars could not move.
It was so awful
That I had to watch my steps
Not to crush one of them.
Finally on the other side
I noticed that the parking of the McDo
Was fuller that the street.
I could count the gulls by hundreds
No, by thousands!
Even more, there were so many cars
Much more than the number of customers
Inside the restaurant.
Suddenly, someone came out
Still licking his fingers
On which some flavour remained.
Then, the gulls that were eating fries leftovers
Stopped their action
Looked at the guy
And rushed over him.
Soon, he was all covered
From head to feet.
Poor guy.
Nobody noticed it
So I shut up too.
But when the gulls went away
There was no trace left of the guy …
I entered the restaurant
But I was not sure
If I still wanted to eat
In this strange place.
I asked someone
And he told me
That their food was excellent
And that it had something particular.
Something that made you feel light.
Very light.
Being curious
And also very hungry
I decided to taste their food.
The man was right:
It was delicious!
On the way out of the restaurant
I stopped before the door
Because I remembered the gulls
And what happened to the guy
That went out before me.
Having no other choice
I took all my courage
And got out of the restaurant.
I didn't ever have the time
To close the door behind me
That all the gulls
Were flying toward me.
Very quickly, I was covered.
They picked at me
And bit me.
I was suffering; I was crying
Their acid saliva
Was burning my skin.
What did they put in their food??
And then, nothing more.
All the gulls went away from me
And let me breathe a little.
I looked at my body;
However strange it can beI was all right.
All my injuries were gone …
Then I understood
Why they were so many …
I looked at them one last time
Before taking my wings
To fly far away
From this evil place.
Dédié à Julie
